Contacted by bio dad’s wife to cut off contact with bio dad

[Anonymous]

My bio dad knocked up my mom but she ended up marrying another man and they raised me together. My bio dad lived across the country and I knew about him but there wasn’t a relationship. My stepdad passed last year and I reached out to my bio dad and visited him and his wife. I even stayed over at their place a few times but at the last visit, his wife sat me down to say she doesn’t think it’s healthy for me to continue contact with my bio dad especially as it seems I’m only doing so because the man who raised me passed and bio dad never had a relationship with me nor is he on my birth certificate (stepdad and my mom married before I was born). I think she feels threatened by our connection and she’ll make remarks about how my bio dad and her never wanted any children together when my bio dad wasn’t home. Bio dad doesn’t know any of this as none of this took place in front of him and I’m not supposed to share any of this with him. I’m upset and don’t know how to deal with this rejection. My mom says my relationship with my bio dad would have bothered her if my stepdad were still living but she says I’m old enough to figure things out on my own. Should I share with my bio dad what his wife said to me?

[Anonymous]

100% you should share. No question.

[Anonymous]

Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

[Anonymous]

She might be worried he'll change his will to include you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

That's the kind of point you don't ever verbalize to someone's offspring. She sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

It's none of her business. She should not have said anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Yes, have a conversation with him. You need to know what he thinks. It will be good or you all will have closure. Life is too short for this. Team bio dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

It's none of her business. She should not have said anything at all.

Of course it’s her business. She’s his wife.

[Anonymous]

If you’re going to cut contact, let your bio dad be the reason, not his wife. BTDT. Do not have a conversation about what she said without her in the room - have the conversation with your dad while she is present. Otherwise, your dad will go back to her and she will deny, deny, deny. My stepmother is like this - she cannot stand the idea of sharing my dad with anyone in his bio family - she only wants him as a part of her family.

[Anonymous]

Maybe there is more to the story. My husband has no interest in hearing from his kids whom his ex kept away from him and replaced with her boyfriend (she'd only call demanding money). The kids are pretty nasty to Dad and only call when they want something and to use him. There is clearly more to your story on your mom's side who shut out your Dad and if she was supportive you would have had a relationship all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

It's none of her business. She should not have said anything at all.

Of course it’s her business. She’s his wife.

Then she should talk to her husband. She was way out of line. Op owes her nothing.

Op, I’m not sure I’d come right out and rat out the woman. I’d feel him out to see how he feels about your relationship. If he asks why you are asking, then I’d bring up her comments.

[Anonymous]

Hi. I’m in a very similar situation as you. My stepmom basically will do anything to sabotage my relationship with my father by telling me lies and my husband lies behind my dads back. You have to ignore everything she says and just let it roll off of your back no matter how hard it is.

My mother also played and said some of the same things regarding my stepdad.

It sucks being in the middle of it truly. I feel
Like the adult in between them all.

Take it slowly with your Dad but be prepared for stepmom to always intervene.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

It's none of her business. She should not have said anything at all.

Of course it’s her business. She’s his wife.

PP to whom you responded. No, bio-dad's relationship with his child is not her business. He can make his own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him and see what he does and how he reacts. Be prepared to be hurt if he chooses the wife. She is a bad person. Don’t do what she says.

Different poster but she’s not bad. The wife has a point.

No. She doesn't. Who is she to interfere with someone else's relationship? The only way I could see her saying something is if her husband was too chicken to say it directly to OP. Not ideal, of course. But otherwise, this is not her business at all.