Mixed collar dating- need relationship advice please!!

[Anonymous]

Lots of relationships with differences can work. But it sounds like you don't respect him. And if you don't respect him it will never work.

FWIW I could also not be with someone with fundamental values and I think at the moment, political schisms kind of point to those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dr Phil says the only thing you need to have in common is that you love each other. He says he and his wife have no interests or hobbies alike, yet they have been married for years.

This can be true, and why I felt it may not work. She is not deeply in love with him. Spoken as a woman married to a man with a different education level, background and a variety of other differences. But we were deeply in love when we met and it has carried us through 25 years.(We also had children, sought therapy, were committed, did not want to lose our financial status, etc etc). But the Deep Love and our children was what made it hard to ever truly let go. This is where first "True Love" marriages have an advantage.

[Anonymous]

I think you are lucky to have someone interested in you at your age, with a young child and not even divorced yet. The grass may be greener, or it may not. But the fact that you are consulting with strangers on the internet doesn't bode well for your interest.

[Anonymous]

OP do you really think you are such a catch? You have no job, you're still married to someone else, you have a small child in your mid-40s, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dr Phil says the only thing you need to have in common is that you love each other. He says he and his wife have no interests or hobbies alike, yet they have been married for years.

Eh, I can't agree with that. I think you have to have a similar vision for your future. I dated a very nice blue-collar guy in my 20s and it was fantastic until we started thinking about getting more serious and discussing our vision of family life. I am also liberal and he was conservative - this was long before Trump so politics weren't as heated a subject. However, being conservative meant he was a very traditional person. He wanted someone to attend church with him on Sundays - I am not an atheist but I am not a fan of organized religion and was definitely not going to participate in that. Additionally, his expectation was that the mother of his children was going to quit working outside of the home and focus on raising the children - he wanted his wife at home with the kids full time, even school aged kids. His own mother was there to greet him at the door even as a high schooler and he felt strongly that this was the only acceptable way to raise children.

I fully respect families/women who make that choice for themselves, but there was just no way I was going to agree to stay at home for the next two decades. Now that I have kids, that decision is reaffirmed - I suffered through both maternity leaves and don't think I could be a happy and fulfilled SAHM. He was a sweet, upstanding, family-oriented guy - I am sure he made someone a very lovely husband, but that was not going to be me.

[Anonymous]

Married into a working class family. Father and mother in law have always been courteous and also generous to our kid. It's the rest of the family I can't take. Any gathering involves complaining about liberals and various ethnic groups. They live in a bubble and nobody has changed in years. OP, marriage is tough enough without being with someone with a radically different worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dr Phil says the only thing you need to have in common is that you love each other. He says he and his wife have no interests or hobbies alike, yet they have been married for years.

Why not? He's got a large bank account to keep her interested. Comes off as a sarcastic, emotional bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if he does manual labor for you maybe keep him around as an FWB. Do you have a service entrance?

And separate water fountains?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your post is sort of a challenging read, OP. Setting that aside, what do you mean by "mixed-collar"? My understanding is that term refers to two different kinds of job categories, with physical labor being the differentiating factor: blue collar jobs involve physical labor & white color jobs don't.

Your boyfriend has a blue collar job, but you write that you've been a SAHM. Isn't SAHM a blue collar job? So that makes your relationship a same-color one, not a mixed-color one.

Hope that helps.

Ha, good point. Check yourself OP.

+2 I don't understand the concept that somehow you are better than he is. He makes good money, you don't make any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will not work. They have nothing in common, no common interests, different lifestyles and hobbies. I do find it amusing that the OP who is a SAHM looks down on the hard working construction worker. And he doesn’t make enough money to satisfy her expectations.

Do yourself a favor OP, cut him loose. You will never be satisfied with what he brings to the table and you really don’t want to waste your time looking down on and judging your partner for their lack of education and vocabulary.

I can only imagine the OP on a camping trip with her conservative, Harley riding blue collar worker.

He sounds like an awesome guy, by the way, and someone I’d be very interested in dating, but I value hard work and good morality and I don’t judge people on their income and education level or whether they can keep up with my knowledge of fine wine. I judge them for their character. His is great, OP has some work to do.

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+1. Take it from me, I do not think this will work long-term, based on how you describe him and the relationship. I do not think this is something that will improve with time, and your gut instinct is telling you to break it off now.

I do think the PP I quoted above is being unnecessarily harsh with the OP. There is nothing wrong with seeking someone with certain characteristics and interests. Also, to be fair, we do not know enough about him to determine whether he has "good morality" or is "great."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your post is sort of a challenging read, OP. Setting that aside, what do you mean by "mixed-collar"? My understanding is that term refers to two different kinds of job categories, with physical labor being the differentiating factor: blue collar jobs involve physical labor & white color jobs don't.

Your boyfriend has a blue collar job, but you write that you've been a SAHM. Isn't SAHM a blue collar job? So that makes your relationship a same-color one, not a mixed-color one.

Hope that helps.

Ha, good point. Check yourself OP.

+2 I don't understand the concept that somehow you are better than he is. He makes good money, you don't make any.

I don't think OP necessarily thinks she is "better than," but, more accurately, "different from." It doesn't sound like they are compatible, and it sounds like to the OP, similar interests are necessary for compatibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not going to work so enjoy the ride while it lasts.

If I were you, I'd put this time and energy into becoming self-sufficient. You are newly single and your child is very young. Now is not the time to jump into another relationship, which you may be tempted to do , considering your limited dating experience and marriage. You are divorced without a real career; if your ex husband pays alimony, now is a great time to figure out how to stand on your own two feet financially. I say this without bitterness. Independence is a great feeling.

Good point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a snob and way too fixated on formal education, so do him a favor and cut him loose so he can find someone who appreciates him.

And for someone who claims to be so educated herself, learn how to use paragraphs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your post is sort of a challenging read, OP. Setting that aside, what do you mean by "mixed-collar"? My understanding is that term refers to two different kinds of job categories, with physical labor being the differentiating factor: blue collar jobs involve physical labor & white color jobs don't.

Your boyfriend has a blue collar job, but you write that you've been a SAHM. Isn't SAHM a blue collar job? So that makes your relationship a same-color one, not a mixed-color one.

Hope that helps.

Ha, good point. Check yourself OP.

+2 I don't understand the concept that somehow you are better than he is. He makes good money, you don't make any.

I don't think OP necessarily thinks she is "better than," but, more accurately, "different from." It doesn't sound like they are compatible, and it sounds like to the OP, similar interests are necessary for compatibility.

I don't agree. I think when you talk about a "modicum of standards" and worry about intellectual conversations with a self made man, there is an element of you thinking you are better than he is.

[Anonymous]

You're mid 40's with one child. Assuming you're one and done. Marriage? Why would anyone do this twice? If that's your end goal, just see how it goes. What's the rush? Enjoy the ride.

One more thing, having a college degree is now equivalent to what was a HS degree. Unless you are higher ed than that, not much to chirp about. You can learn from eachother. Intellectual doesn't necessarily equate to smarter or higher EQ. Get your hands dirty, girl. Btw, if his Harley is a Fat Boy, he's a keeper. Think of the cool factor for your son when he's old enough to ride along.