15 yo girl had a meltdown about buying something herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are all these children so anxious?

Because they can be whoever they want online/social media then reality smacks them in the face and they don’t know how to have a real interaction or relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

What? Only if you’re a weirdo!

It is true!!! I am better at it now that I have kids but I find it awkward every time.

Agree so much. I was a girl scout and am fine with it, since I was on the other side of those tables as a kid. My dh, on the other hand, finds it stressful. He has to already know that he has cash in his wallet and be mentally prepared to do it or he will just not buy them. I am our GS cookie procurer!

What does he find so scary about the purchase?

Not scary. Just awkward. Is he buying from the parent? or the girl? Or will they be switching off on the transaction midway through? It is different every time because they are kids and are at all different levels, being scaffolded by adults.

People posted here how they scaffolded their kids through purchases on their own. It wasn't throwing them in to the deep end with do it or no cookies for you! It was was going with you to the store, being in the checkout. Helping you pay for stuff, then them paying for their own item with you right there. And so forth. Breaking it down in to steps.

That is exactly what girl scouts get for selling. The parents helping them with the steps until they can do it all on their own.

VERY different to scaffold your kid who has anxiety and then, when they are ready, telling them they need to do the thing on their own - THAT IS TOUGH LOVE.
Skipping all those steps with anxious kids and being a jerk about it, telling them no cookies for them without working with them to that point - that is NOT tough love. It is lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are all these children so anxious?

Because they can be whoever they want online/social media then reality smacks them in the face and they don’t know how to have a real interaction or relationship.

Missing the boat with this.

I think it is more likely that they live in a world where anything and everything can be recorded and could follow them around forever. Our awkward social interactions when we were in high school were not recorded anywhere and could be soon forgotten. These kids are bombarded with videos recorded by other people, sometimes without the featured person's knowledge, and played over and over, sent around the world, to follow that person for forever. You have your shirt tucked in to your underwear? You trip on the steps at school? It is no longer done and forgotten. They are growing up in a world that is very different than what we lived in.

I don't know any kids who don't know how to have a "real interaction or relationship" - most kids are under a huge amount of pressure to be involved. They have to practically invent a cure for cancel or start their own start up or be nationally ranked in music to get in to college now. The pressures are vast compared to what we faced. We were doing activities and joining clubs BECAUSE WE FELT LIKE IT. Very different.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I do appreciate all the posts, even the ones that seem harsh! All perspectives are helpful to me.

In general, she has an anxious personality. She has always hated being the center of attention - she would cry if someone sang happy birthday to her (we stopped when we knew how much it affected her!) and had terrible time going into school in preK and younger grades. However she has worked through that and as a teenager orders in restaurants and has run into Target while I stay in the car. So her reaction was odd. It’s like she reverted back to being very young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

Of course you teach them how to cope, but you also give them to tools to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

Telling them to do it or no cookies is not teaching them how to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

And we’ve been selling for years. It’s just awkward and contrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

Telling them to do it or no cookies is not teaching them how to cope.

Natural consequences of no cookies will help them figure out how to cope. Believe me, I lived it. And I didn’t need someone to tell me how to do it.

We all have different opinions on this. I think there’s a HUGE difference between debilitating anxiety, where the kid won’t go to school or speak to anyone - that is a case for therapy and or meds. But not wanting to go buy Girl Scout cookies? C’mon - we don’t need to bust out the therapy and meds for petty stuff like that. The kid needs to figure out herself how to deal. If there’s constant intervention telling you how/what to do, how is the kid going to learn to be self sufficient and navigate life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has an anxiety disorder. She needs testing, diagnosis, counseling and possibly meds.

wow, slow down. Mommy, just start letting her take the lead when with you, encourage her, that's all I did with my teen dd when she had this issue. It took some time, but she is now seventeen and very outgoing and independent when it comes to interactions with people outside of her normal circle. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

Telling them to do it or no cookies is not teaching them how to cope.

Natural consequences of no cookies will help them figure out how to cope. Believe me, I lived it. And I didn’t need someone to tell me how to do it.

We all have different opinions on this. I think there’s a HUGE difference between debilitating anxiety, where the kid won’t go to school or speak to anyone - that is a case for therapy and or meds. But not wanting to go buy Girl Scout cookies? C’mon - we don’t need to bust out the therapy and meds for petty stuff like that. The kid needs to figure out herself how to deal. If there’s constant intervention telling you how/what to do, how is the kid going to learn to be self sufficient and navigate life?

Agree about the med thing. It seems every kid my children know these days is being medicated to "fix" something about them, no coping skills, just popping pills. I feel like so many of the parents I know use medication in lieu of more hands on parenting and guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

Telling them to do it or no cookies is not teaching them how to cope.

Natural consequences of no cookies will help them figure out how to cope. Believe me, I lived it. And I didn’t need someone to tell me how to do it.

We all have different opinions on this. I think there’s a HUGE difference between debilitating anxiety, where the kid won’t go to school or speak to anyone - that is a case for therapy and or meds. But not wanting to go buy Girl Scout cookies? C’mon - we don’t need to bust out the therapy and meds for petty stuff like that. The kid needs to figure out herself how to deal. If there’s constant intervention telling you how/what to do, how is the kid going to learn to be self sufficient and navigate life?

So if it WERE an ongoing problem, you would treat it. If it is a one off and not normally an anxious kid, you would just let the natural consequences take care of it. Why didn't you just say that to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.

But that’s the thing. I found ways to cope. I didn’t ever feel like I was “suffering”. I was only medicated after my dad passed away and was having a super hard time. I’m weaning myself off now.

We don’t need to make sure our kids never “suffer”, as you say. We need to teach them how to cope.

Telling them to do it or no cookies is not teaching them how to cope.

Natural consequences of no cookies will help them figure out how to cope. Believe me, I lived it. And I didn’t need someone to tell me how to do it.

We all have different opinions on this. I think there’s a HUGE difference between debilitating anxiety, where the kid won’t go to school or speak to anyone - that is a case for therapy and or meds. But not wanting to go buy Girl Scout cookies? C’mon - we don’t need to bust out the therapy and meds for petty stuff like that. The kid needs to figure out herself how to deal. If there’s constant intervention telling you how/what to do, how is the kid going to learn to be self sufficient and navigate life?

So if it WERE an ongoing problem, you would treat it. If it is a one off and not normally an anxious kid, you would just let the natural consequences take care of it. Why didn't you just say that to begin with?

If it’s an ongoing problem about little things like Girl Scout cookies, no, I wouldn’t treat it. If it was debilitating, and interfering with daily life on an extreme level, then yes I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

What? Only if you’re a weirdo!

It is true!!! I am better at it now that I have kids but I find it awkward every time.

Agree so much. I was a girl scout and am fine with it, since I was on the other side of those tables as a kid. My dh, on the other hand, finds it stressful. He has to already know that he has cash in his wallet and be mentally prepared to do it or he will just not buy them. I am our GS cookie procurer!

What does he find so scary about the purchase?

Not scary. Just awkward. Is he buying from the parent? or the girl? Or will they be switching off on the transaction midway through? It is different every time because they are kids and are at all different levels, being scaffolded by adults.

People posted here how they scaffolded their kids through purchases on their own. It wasn't throwing them in to the deep end with do it or no cookies for you! It was was going with you to the store, being in the checkout. Helping you pay for stuff, then them paying for their own item with you right there. And so forth. Breaking it down in to steps.

That is exactly what girl scouts get for selling. The parents helping them with the steps until they can do it all on their own.

VERY different to scaffold your kid who has anxiety and then, when they are ready, telling them they need to do the thing on their own - THAT IS TOUGH LOVE.
Skipping all those steps with anxious kids and being a jerk about it, telling them no cookies for them without working with them to that point - that is NOT tough love. It is lazy.

This all sounds so bizarre to me. We were buying things at the country store at age 12. We were working jobs (hustling for work) at age 14. We were paid cash to
rake leaves, cut grass and babysit at age 14. We communicated direclty with the families that paid us to cut grass, rake leaves and babysit, i.e. our parents let
us function on our own in the community.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to mention we were paid to shovel snow in the neighborhood at age 14 plus.