15 yo girl had a meltdown about buying something herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

When this is happening with a 15 yr old, a parent needs to actually parent their child and deal with the problem, not be a jerk about it. Obviously her dd needs real help, not a parent who can't be bothered to their job.

As the parent of a younger kid with anxiety, yes it sounds like DD15 does need professional help AND the job of the parent of a kid with anxiety is often tough love. It's really tough when you have a kid screaming "Don't go, I'm scared you are going to die!" to say "I know you feel worried, how are you going to help yourself calm down because you are going to school now."

[Anonymous]

I have two children. My oldest is 13 and super shy. My youngest is very outgoing. I’ve been asking them For a few years now to tell the waiter themselves what they are having for dinner. When we go to fast food places, they need to order their own food , and if they want something extra or something taken away from their burgers they need to speak up. If they mess up their order, they have to get up call the attention of the person in the counter, and tell them what happened. It was hard at first for my oldest one, really really hard. DC would get teary often so I gave pep talks, and we talked through worst scenarios, etc., But the more we did it the easier it became for them. After a few months of consistently asking them to do those things, or to run into a grocery and buy eggs while I wait outside, they don’t even blink at it anymore. Even when people are rude and you’ll be surprised how many times people have been rude to them or ignored them because they are children. They are really good at saying really loud “excuse me sir, I was next in line” or whatever fits the situation. My point is that this is a skill. And like all skills, they are perfected through practice. The more your daughter does it, the easier it will become and the more confidence she will gain. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

When this is happening with a 15 yr old, a parent needs to actually parent their child and deal with the problem, not be a jerk about it. Obviously her dd needs real help, not a parent who can't be bothered to their job.

Suffer the consequences. Great job there.

Op, of course she's resisting therapy. It would mean talking to someone she doesn't know.

Have you offered to go with her for a few meetings?

[Anonymous]

I guess the OP will never come back due to the general nastiness of some of the posters. I was wondering if your DD's reaction was a surprise to you? I assume you go out to dinner, go shopping, etc. Was her reaction kind of typical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

When this is happening with a 15 yr old, a parent needs to actually parent their child and deal with the problem, not be a jerk about it. Obviously her dd needs real help, not a parent who can't be bothered to their job.

As the parent of a younger kid with anxiety, yes it sounds like DD15 does need professional help AND the job of the parent of a kid with anxiety is often tough love. It's really tough when you have a kid screaming "Don't go, I'm scared you are going to die!" to say "I know you feel worried, how are you going to help yourself calm down because you are going to school now."

Yes, but that poster was saying to just say, fine, don't get any as though that is it. IT IS NOT IT. As you know, if you have a kid who has anxiety. Just being an ass is not doing the job. Anxiety causes people to refuse to do things that they very much want to do ANYWAY so just leaving them out of those things and expecting that to help them is ridiculous. It is not doing the job as a parent. It is ignoring the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

What? Only if you’re a weirdo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

What? Only if you’re a weirdo!

It is true!!! I am better at it now that I have kids but I find it awkward every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

What? Only if you’re a weirdo!

It is true!!! I am better at it now that I have kids but I find it awkward every time.

Agree so much. I was a girl scout and am fine with it, since I was on the other side of those tables as a kid. My dh, on the other hand, finds it stressful. He has to already know that he has cash in his wallet and be mentally prepared to do it or he will just not buy them. I am our GS cookie procurer!

[Anonymous]

I was like this as a teen and young adult. It has taken practice, therapy & meds for me to overcome it. My big fear was not knowing how the interaction was supposed to go. Doing something wrong and being judged for it. I also had/have really low self-esteem so there was the added fear of being judged for my appearance AND my awkwardness. Helping her practice would be useful. Explain the steps in the interaction and suggest she come up with a script in her head to prepare. I still rely on scripts in my head frequently.

Good luck! And ignore all the nasty posters who clearly don’t understand anxiety and how our society is increasingly pushing us away from “normal” human interaction. I don’t think they’d say that nasty stuff to your face ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess the OP will never come back due to the general nastiness of some of the posters. I was wondering if your DD's reaction was a surprise to you? I assume you go out to dinner, go shopping, etc. Was her reaction kind of typical?

I have the same questions. If this was atypical then it is even more urgent that if it is typical. Don't get me wrong, it sounds like some investigation and therapy are needed in both cases; however, if her behavior is atypical then OP you need to figure out right now what is going on with your daughter that she had such a strong reaction.

[Anonymous]

Exposure therapy or CBT could help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

I don't understand this. The girls selling the cookies are 9 years old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

What? Only if you’re a weirdo!

It is true!!! I am better at it now that I have kids but I find it awkward every time.

Agree so much. I was a girl scout and am fine with it, since I was on the other side of those tables as a kid. My dh, on the other hand, finds it stressful. He has to already know that he has cash in his wallet and be mentally prepared to do it or he will just not buy them. I am our GS cookie procurer!

What does he find so scary about the purchase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

My lord calm down.

I have had anxiety all my life, and wasn’t medicated until I was in my 40’s. My 11 year old DS is exhibiting signs of anxiety, and I 100% agree with PP. If he doesn’t want to order in a restaurant or go to the snack bar at the pool because he’s embarrassed, then he doesn’t eat. I know he can do it - I’ve seen him do it many times. Sometimes tough love IS the answer. I had to find ways to get over this myself growing up without therapy and/or meds. Not everyone needs these things. I think many people these days are quick to jump to therapy or meds. Sometimes natural consequences really are the answer.

How sad that you didn't get treated until your 40s and you are content to let your kid suffer too.