15 yo girl had a meltdown about buying something herself

[Anonymous]

My 15 YO DD has always been anxious/difficult time making decisions but copes well. Yesterday we were grocery shopping and on the way out wanted to buy some girl scout cookies. I gave her the $20 and said she could go buy whatever she wanted.

She melted down crying, saying she was scared and would only do it if I came with her. I was pretty shocked and said no, that she was fully capable and should do it on her own. She eventually did it but was mad at me for making her do something that made her feel scared.

I am not particularly proud how I handled it but I do think making her do it was important so she gains experience knowing she *can* do things that make her uncomfortable.

Do you think she should see a therapist for her anxiety? I suggested it and she was very against it.

[Anonymous]

Practice more. Can she place her own order at a restaurant? Make a phone call?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have left it so late, OP, and yes, she needs exposure therapy so she can prep for college. Inquire around, it needs to be very concrete and practical, not just talk.

- former teen with dreadful anxiety whose mother did nothing.

[Anonymous]

Why are all these children so anxious?

[Anonymous]

She needs serious therapy in order to function in the world. At 16 I was working outside jobs at 20 hours a week in addition to high school.

[Anonymous]

Get her help. She needs it. My 10yr old can go into stores alone to buy things. She’s very shy but we have always encouraged her to do these types of things so she doesn’t get to where your daughter is. It will be ok-but definitely help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs serious therapy in order to function in the world. At 16 I was working outside jobs at 20 hours a week in addition to high school.

Kids are different these days than when we were kids. And we can't (shouldn't) blame them because we did it to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her help. She needs it. My 10yr old can go into stores alone to buy things. She’s very shy but we have always encouraged her to do these types of things so she doesn’t get to where your daughter is. It will be ok-but definitely help her.

+1 - did the same for our son

[Anonymous]

Anxiety. Therapy

[Anonymous]

Good grief, yes, she needs therapy ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Yes get her some help. I’m going to guess that her anxiety shows up in many other areas of her life as well. My 12 year old sees a therapist for anxiety. The earlier you start the better. Therapy is nothing to fear or be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she does need therapy. She is too old to be having a panic attack over buying Girl Scout cookies alone.

Besides the therapy, let her start doing stuff like that on her own. First, with you by her side then slowly on her own. Have her take the lead in restaurants - tell the hostess the number in the party, have her order, etc. when you go food shopping, let her push the cart and place items in the cart, have her handle the payment.

[Anonymous]

I also grew up with a lot of social anxiety and I still avoid social situations that I am unfamiliar with. A bunch of friends wanted to meet at a winery and I declined because I don’t know what happens at a winery, and, I don’t drink.

I would definitely look into therapy, and I would also encourage her to do more for herself, but first talk through what might happen. She may think she doesn’t know the “rules” of the interaction. With GS cookies, point out that they are just kids and there is an adult there to cue everyone.

If you are doing things while you have her along, narrate what you are saying and why, like picking up a prescription. You give your name and show your prescription card, if they ask for it, but if they have you in their computer they may not ask. Then you may have to pay some money, and if you have a store card you show it then, and you answer yes or no about speaking to the pharmacist, and so forth.

People with anxiety like that don’t want to look stupid. Also, most people will forget the whole thing in two minutes, so she shouldn’t make herself the center of the world in others’ eyes.

I needed meds to dial down the anxiety in order to manage it, and teenage hormones don’t help.

[Anonymous]

DD was likes that at 13, she can’t order at restaurant and avoid eye contact with people etc and afraid of talking in front of a good group, she was diagnosed with social anxiety
She is much better now a year later after therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs serious therapy in order to function in the world. At 16 I was working outside jobs at 20 hours a week in addition to high school.

Kids are different these days than when we were kids. And we can't (shouldn't) blame them because we did it to them.

Who is ‘we’? Plenty of children are capable of small independent acts. OP (and you, I’m certain) have coddled these monsters to the point of paralysis.

I don’t know if coddling is what’s wrong. I was a highly anxious teen in the 80s, but I was forced more into situations like placing an order over the phone (for food or from a catalog), now replaced by apps or online, answering the house phone so being forced to interact, paying the paper delivery person when they came to the door - there’s much less natural exposure therapy. And as adults because of the internet we’re modeling less interaction with others - I text with friends and family, so my son doesn’t hear me having phone conversations, or calling places to see what the hours are, I email companies if I have a question about a bill instead of calling. I still needed therapy for my anxiety, but I was able to function better then because I had to than I think I could do now.