15 yo girl had a meltdown about buying something herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs serious therapy in order to function in the world. At 16 I was working outside jobs at 20 hours a week in addition to high school.

Kids are different these days than when we were kids. And we can't (shouldn't) blame them because we did it to them.

Who is ‘we’? Plenty of children are capable of small independent acts. OP (and you, I’m certain) have coddled these monsters to the point of paralysis.

And nowadays, with our culture of extreme infantalization, plenty of children aren't. (I'm not going to tell you about my children, or yours.) I won't call the large number of children with anxiety today monsters. Why would you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs serious therapy in order to function in the world. At 16 I was working outside jobs at 20 hours a week in addition to high school.

Kids are different these days than when we were kids. And we can't (shouldn't) blame them because we did it to them.

Who is ‘we’? Plenty of children are capable of small independent acts. OP (and you, I’m certain) have coddled these monsters to the point of paralysis.

Np you are not being very charitable. My dd has anxiety and yes, I push her to do things but, it is real and I wouldn't call anyone a monster because of it.

Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be sure to let me anxious child know that someone thinks she’s a monster because of the disorder she actively works to overcome daily. It’ll totally help.

PP, you’re the only monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs serious therapy in order to function in the world. At 16 I was working outside jobs at 20 hours a week in addition to high school.

Kids are different these days than when we were kids. And we can't (shouldn't) blame them because we did it to them.

Who is ‘we’? Plenty of children are capable of small independent acts. OP (and you, I’m certain) have coddled these monsters to the point of paralysis.

I don’t know if coddling is what’s wrong. I was a highly anxious teen in the 80s, but I was forced more into situations like placing an order over the phone (for food or from a catalog), now replaced by apps or online, answering the house phone so being forced to interact, paying the paper delivery person when they came to the door - there’s much less natural exposure therapy. And as adults because of the internet we’re modeling less interaction with others - I text with friends and family, so my son doesn’t hear me having phone conversations, or calling places to see what the hours are, I email companies if I have a question about a bill instead of calling. I still needed therapy for my anxiety, but I was able to function better then because I had to than I think I could do now.

NP. This is an excellent point. Phones and apps and self-service retail are gradually wearing away human interactions that were commonplace just for daily life. The current generation of teens is going to be maybe the first that never or vary rarely has to interact for things like shopping (even most grocery stores now have more and more self-service checkouts), buying gas (when was the last time anyone had to talk to a pump attendant unless you were buying gas in New Jersey?), etc.

OP, was her fear about buying GS cookies more about the interactions or about feeling overwhelmed by choices of cookies or--something else like not liking responsibility for money? My own very-much-not-anxious DD can still be slightly nervous if handed what she sees as a "lot" of cash and told it's hers to spend.

Or is it possible that something else entirely was upsetting your DD at that moment and the upset over cookies was just how an unrelated worry manifested?

[Anonymous]

My DD is like that. So I gradually help her with purchase. Start with buying for her, with her by my side. Then help her paying on her own, me by her side. Now she's comfortable paying by her self with me in the van, in certain store that she frequented.

She would practice what to say in her head.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes teens’ reactions to something are out of proportion with the actual situation. For instance, an adult who had similar anxiousness about buying something alone (as unusual as that situation might be) would probably have not reacted in such an extreme manner. Same with a ten-year old. The frontal cortex matures after the amygdala so teens often cannot regulate their emotions.

This isn’t to say she doesn’t need a lot of help and guidance, just that the situation might not be as extreme as her resigno would suggest.

[Anonymous]

buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

[Anonymous]

My Kindergartener was diagnosed with selective mutism in preschool and it is an anxiety disorder. He had a fear of going up to the cashier even though I was about 10 feet away and wouldn’t go up to the counter to order a snack at our pool. After a low dose of Prozac for 6 months he was weaned off of it but during that time he was less anxious when starting elementary and the change is night and day. He peed in his pants at preschool because he was unable to talk which is what selective mutism (anxiety so strong it prevents you from verbalizing even if against your interest) is but the teachers at his elementary school say they can’t tell. His therapist a selective mutism expert said he no longer met the definition after interviewing the school teachers and counselors who described his behavior. But you need to go to a medical doctor for the script as the therapists only give you strategies. In our case we had to make sure our kid did not associate his new school with not talking so for anxiety disorders such as his it was highly effective and fortunately our pediatrician had seen this with other similarly diagnosed patients. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:buying girl scout cookies is, to be fair, always somewhat awkward and weird.

SO TRUE!

[Anonymous]

She has an anxiety disorder. She needs testing, diagnosis, counseling and possibly meds.

[Anonymous]

I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

This!!!

My kids both reacted this way the first time I asked them to run into the grocery store alone. It’s essential for them to navigate this. (Both reacted similarly and neither has anxiety, just products of this helicopter generation.

[Anonymous]

We just started treating my 14 yr old's anxiety with medication. It is has been 3 weeks on a low dose and it is like night and day. He can order and pay in grocery stores, but only with cash. He has a debit card and had some bad experiences (ran it as credit, he didn't know about signing - does it has to match his signature on file somewhere? and where is his signature on file that he is trying to match? and then once his account was too low so the card was declined) but with the medication he will be able to try it again with me or dh with him.

His anxiety was crippling his life. It runs in my dh's family but it is only now, looking back, that we realize it. It has been very painful and limiting to some of our relatives on that side. We want our ds to not be limited like that.

Some ADHD medications can exacerbate preexisting anxiety, and my ds' medication for ADHD has been part of it, but not the whole cause at all. He had this anxiety before we ever tried ADHD medication. We just didn't realize that was what it was.

Your pediatrician will ask her a series of questions to dx it, OP. Don't wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

Aaaand, what are your qualifications for saying something like this? What do you do for a living? Do you have any education, training, or experience in education, mental health, or social dynamics??

People like you just kill me. You know nothing, yet spout off absolutes like you do. You're ignorant, self righteous, and have an inflated sense of your own intelligence. You generalize your very very small limited experience of yourself and maybe your family and extrapolate to the entire human population.

I'm sure you're an exemplary parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have taken the money back and said, "Fine, then don't get any." Kids need to push through difficult feelings sometimes, or suffer the consequences.

When this is happening with a 15 yr old, a parent needs to actually parent their child and deal with the problem, not be a jerk about it. Obviously her dd needs real help, not a parent who can't be bothered to their job.