Why do so many on DCUM have in law problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s like yelp reviews. Only those who really have a problem post.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Because MIL is passive aggressive.

She drives her kids and husband and SIL and DIL nuts and then whines and cries that other people are depressed, jerks or mentally ill.

No more Xmas there for a while. She is a holy terror.

Me again. This time...so many comments from MIL about my weight. She brings it up every time. She called the SIL “gaunt.” I just ignore her comments. No one can do anything right but her. It is her way or nothing.

She has broken my ceiling fan, gouged my wall and pulled plants she did not like from our garden. Sure. That is all our fault.
She also jammed our kitchen chair into the floor because we have a heating vent in an awkward place. She bent the heating vent and I had to buy a new one.

So I lost an expensive plant, still have a ceiling fan to fix and had to pay for a new heating vent.

Right. DILs can dish it out. I wish. I would never pull her plants up or destroy her house. But maybe I will start. Lol.

God, I had forgotten some of this. Does anyone else have a MIL this bad?

No it's not just you, I have a MIL that bad. MIL and FIL helped us move years ago. They offered and DH said yes. I asked them if they needed help with some light boxes as they were taking them up the stairs and I said they could leave them because the walls were freshly painted. My MIL walked up the stairs banging her box into the walls all the way up with each step. All I could see and hear was bang bang bang against our walls.

She then carried one of our boxes that said kitchen fragile and she dropped it from her chest level. I heard smashing as it hit the tiled floor. The funny thing with that was the only thing that broke in the box (yes it was also wrapped) was a decorative bowl she had given us. Karma I say. I gladly threw that out. I have since thrown out all the things she has given us. It's so cleansing.

These in-laws are not normal. I told them to stop, thanked them for their help and said we would do the rest. They stood on the driveway glaring at me. They have never stood one foot in our house again, their choice, not ours. Something not quite right with them that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who claim everything is fine and you only know people with similarly fine family situations - the common denominator is likely you. The people in your lives just don't come to you with their real issues because they know you will either not understand because all is perfect in your world (or pretend that is is) or they know you are a judgy person and will think less of them because of it. In law issues are SO COMMON everywhere that you are either a jerk or living under a weird midwestern rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who claim everything is fine and you only know people with similarly fine family situations - the common denominator is likely you. The people in your lives just don't come to you with their real issues because they know you will either not understand because all is perfect in your world (or pretend that is is) or they know you are a judgy person and will think less of them because of it. In law issues are SO COMMON everywhere that you are either a jerk or living under a weird midwestern rock.

I am the PP with a horrible MIL. Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who claim everything is fine and you only know people with similarly fine family situations - the common denominator is likely you. The people in your lives just don't come to you with their real issues because they know you will either not understand because all is perfect in your world (or pretend that is is) or they know you are a judgy person and will think less of them because of it. In law issues are SO COMMON everywhere that you are either a jerk or living under a weird midwestern rock.

OR....they are the actual issue.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is essentially the filtered form dysfunctional illogical people in this area. The swamp people. They can’t get along with no one. Corrosive short sighted selfish. Swamp things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is essentially the filtered form dysfunctional illogical people in this area. The swamp people. They can’t get along with no one. Corrosive short sighted selfish. Swamp things

And yet here you are, swamp thing, like attracts like. "They can't get along with no one", it says it all really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is essentially the filtered form dysfunctional illogical people in this area. The swamp people. They can’t get along with no one. Corrosive short sighted selfish. Swamp things

And yet here you are, swamp thing, like attracts like. "They can't get along with no one", it says it all really.

Agreed. They sound like my ils and imagine what it would be like to get non stop advice from such fools when bringing home a premature infant from the hospital with medical issues. Mother-in-law was furious because she couldn't take my newly-out-of- the- nicu infant to her grandma shower during cold and flu season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who claim everything is fine and you only know people with similarly fine family situations - the common denominator is likely you. The people in your lives just don't come to you with their real issues because they know you will either not understand because all is perfect in your world (or pretend that is is) or they know you are a judgy person and will think less of them because of it. In law issues are SO COMMON everywhere that you are either a jerk or living under a weird midwestern rock.

OR....they are the actual issue.

How pleasant to be you to get along with everyone in your life. So you get along with your in-laws and your own family, your marriage must be perfect and your relationship with your children perfect. You have remained friends with everyone and always gotten along with everyone you have ever met, even everyone at work loves and respects you, everyone likes you. Good for you.

If what you are saying is that people that don't get along with their in-laws are the problem then all the people posting on here that they don't like their partners, they are the problem too. That goes for anyone who has posted about their own family or having problems with their children. In fact what you are saying is that if you have a problem with anyone then it is essentially your fault and your problem. That you will be the actual issue.

What if like myself I have a massive MIL problem but that is the only relationship in my life I have a problem with. Is it me then or is it her? I can tell you that her other son doesn't speak to her, her other DIL is currently ignoring her, she has had fall outs with friends but what you are saying, is that the actual issue is with me.

You think you are so wise but how stupid are you, you are making assumptions on so little information about these people that are posting. You think it's easy for you so it should be easy for everyone, it doesn't occur to you that it may be easy for you because you have a kind MIL. It's actually nothing to do with you or how you have behaved. You know what they say about people that make assumptions but then again you probably wouldn't know because you are so dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who claim everything is fine and you only know people with similarly fine family situations - the common denominator is likely you. The people in your lives just don't come to you with their real issues because they know you will either not understand because all is perfect in your world (or pretend that is is) or they know you are a judgy person and will think less of them because of it. In law issues are SO COMMON everywhere that you are either a jerk or living under a weird midwestern rock.

OR....they are the actual issue.

How pleasant to be you to get along with everyone in your life. So you get along with your in-laws and your own family, your marriage must be perfect and your relationship with your children perfect. You have remained friends with everyone and always gotten along with everyone you have ever met, even everyone at work loves and respects you, everyone likes you. Good for you.

If what you are saying is that people that don't get along with their in-laws are the problem then all the people posting on here that they don't like their partners, they are the problem too. That goes for anyone who has posted about their own family or having problems with their children. In fact what you are saying is that if you have a problem with anyone then it is essentially your fault and your problem. That you will be the actual issue.

What if like myself I have a massive MIL problem but that is the only relationship in my life I have a problem with. Is it me then or is it her? I can tell you that her other son doesn't speak to her, her other DIL is currently ignoring her, she has had fall outs with friends but what you are saying, is that the actual issue is with me.

You think you are so wise but how stupid are you, you are making assumptions on so little information about these people that are posting. You think it's easy for you so it should be easy for everyone, it doesn't occur to you that it may be easy for you because you have a kind MIL. It's actually nothing to do with you or how you have behaved. You know what they say about people that make assumptions but then again you probably wouldn't know because you are so dumb.

That’s not what I’m saying. The opposite. Go reread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who claim everything is fine and you only know people with similarly fine family situations - the common denominator is likely you. The people in your lives just don't come to you with their real issues because they know you will either not understand because all is perfect in your world (or pretend that is is) or they know you are a judgy person and will think less of them because of it. In law issues are SO COMMON everywhere that you are either a jerk or living under a weird midwestern rock.

OR....they are the actual issue.

How pleasant to be you to get along with everyone in your life. So you get along with your in-laws and your own family, your marriage must be perfect and your relationship with your children perfect. You have remained friends with everyone and always gotten along with everyone you have ever met, even everyone at work loves and respects you, everyone likes you. Good for you.

If what you are saying is that people that don't get along with their in-laws are the problem then all the people posting on here that they don't like their partners, they are the problem too. That goes for anyone who has posted about their own family or having problems with their children. In fact what you are saying is that if you have a problem with anyone then it is essentially your fault and your problem. That you will be the actual issue.

What if like myself I have a massive MIL problem but that is the only relationship in my life I have a problem with. Is it me then or is it her? I can tell you that her other son doesn't speak to her, her other DIL is currently ignoring her, she has had fall outs with friends but what you are saying, is that the actual issue is with me.

You think you are so wise but how stupid are you, you are making assumptions on so little information about these people that are posting. You think it's easy for you so it should be easy for everyone, it doesn't occur to you that it may be easy for you because you have a kind MIL. It's actually nothing to do with you or how you have behaved. You know what they say about people that make assumptions but then again you probably wouldn't know because you are so dumb.

That’s not what I’m saying. The opposite. Go reread.

Got it, I agree, it wasn't obvious to me at first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's also that many of us were born in different states and then moved here to DC for work. The majority of inlaw problems arise with travel and visiting. I'm so jealous of people who go over for Christmas dinner for 3 hours, have a merry time and then leave. They get to sleep in their own beds and watch their kids open presents under their own trees. And they get to see inlaws on Christmas Eve and parents on Christmas night. Everyone sees them and no one fights over whose turn it is. No one has to take planes, trains and cars with their kids all sleeping in closets and with time changes.

Local parents help and you also help them. It's much more equal. Non local parents just demand visits, have never babysat, and rarely visit

Agree!!! I’m SO JEALOUS of families that have a one day holiday event then go home. When everyone is spread out, people fly in and a gazillion family members under one roof for a week+ is miserable, even if you generally like them.

+1000, I'm so over being with family. I just want to be in my own home, clean my house, be able to cook (step MIL monopolizes the kitchen from sunup to sundown), and have my kids sleep in their own bed.

[Anonymous]

Studies show that most women have in law issues (about 60%) it’s very hard to merge with a new family dynamic as an adult and there around bound to be issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know many people in all areas of the country with in law problems. It’s just what happens when different families are sort of forced together.

If you don’t have in law issues be glad!

+1. My MIL is diagnosed with NPD, depression, and anxiety. There is nothing I would like more right now than for MIL to disappear and stop showing up at my house uninvited and staying for extended periods (4+ days at a time), giving me religious junk for a religion neither of us follows, and making snarky comments about our home and how my parents live closer.

There is going to be friction whenever you can't 'escape' a bad relationship you would never have suffered on your own and you end up being in close quarters for extended time periods multiple times a year. These issues wouldn't exist if the couple were a team and the child of the ILs established and maintained fair boundaries. Also, a lot of ILs are bullies. As it is, my ILs are unhappy I'm not a better doormat for them and haven't agreed to move back to their tiny town with zero opportunities and let MIL raise my children since my and SIL's only use is to be incubators to give her grandchildren. Yes, MIL really said that to DH.

Fwiw, everyone I know has IL issues to some degree.

[Anonymous]

My favorite are the ones who complain about how their husbands won’t stand up to their controlling and manipulative MILs with no self-awareness about why their husbands were attracted to them to begin with.