Why do so many on DCUM have in law problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my MIL spent the holidays with my H’s rapist and said family is family... incest. So, call me a controlling DIL but she can burn in he!!.

I’m so sorry PP. I hope your husband has gone no contact with all of them.

He tried, got sucked back in .. then wham!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know well enough to actually talk to about stuff like this have problems with their in laws, their own parents or both. Most, not all.

I don't know -any- people who have inlaw or parent problems like I see here on DCUM. No one in my neighborhood, at the club, at our kids schools, at work. Yes, everyone has small challenges (ugh my dad missed 2 doctor appointments so I had to …, rats my inlaws got lost going to Little Larlo's game and now they're stuck in traffic in Tysons and the game is almost over …, omg my dad forgot Hubby's birthday again and I forgot to remind him …) but I can't think of single friend or couple that have the kinds of bitter, cutting anger towards family members that I see here.

I just don't get all the anger. Honestly I think people reap what they sow.

Get a few drinks in them and you will hear it all come out

[Anonymous]

You simply do not hear the same things in polite company (“at the club”??) that you do on an anonymous forum. Plenty of people you know have problems with their in-laws.

If you saw me, you’d think I had a great relationship with my in-laws. If I confided to you anonymously on this board, I would tell you I resent them tremendously because we have to take care of my difficult FIL because of his own completely self-imposed illness. He wanted to live however the hell he wanted and we now have to deal with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

At least 50% of I law issues are the DILs, not the MILs. Men have far fewer issues with their inlaws and don't get caught up over every little petty and trivial thing like women do. Most of the in law issues that get posted on here aren't even real issues - they are just that an MIL didn't do things exactly as the DIL wanted or commanded her too and therefore she is hated.

I laugh when I read all these in-law issues. How dare they give my child a present that isn't exactly the same as te only gift we told them they are allowed to give my child. So many are this type of issue. It is all about power and control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least 50% of I law issues are the DILs, not the MILs. Men have far fewer issues with their inlaws and don't get caught up over every little petty and trivial thing like women do. Most of the in law issues that get posted on here aren't even real issues - they are just that an MIL didn't do things exactly as the DIL wanted or commanded her too and therefore she is hated.

I laugh when I read all these in-law issues. How dare they give my child a present that isn't exactly the same as te only gift we told them they are allowed to give my child. So many are this type of issue. It is all about power and control.

I completely agree with you. I think the problems are all with the DILs, not the MILs, and I am a DIL, not a MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You simply do not hear the same things in polite company (“at the club”??) that you do on an anonymous forum. Plenty of people you know have problems with their in-laws.

If you saw me, you’d think I had a great relationship with my in-laws. If I confided to you anonymously on this board, I would tell you I resent them tremendously because we have to take care of my difficult FIL because of his own completely self-imposed illness. He wanted to live however the hell he wanted and we now have to deal with the consequences.

This.

I used to think my MIL was nice and then I realized I just did not know what a knife looked like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least 50% of I law issues are the DILs, not the MILs. Men have far fewer issues with their inlaws and don't get caught up over every little petty and trivial thing like women do. Most of the in law issues that get posted on here aren't even real issues - they are just that an MIL didn't do things exactly as the DIL wanted or commanded her too and therefore she is hated.

I laugh when I read all these in-law issues. How dare they give my child a present that isn't exactly the same as te only gift we told them they are allowed to give my child. So many are this type of issue. It is all about power and control.

I completely agree with you. I think the problems are all with the DILs, not the MILs, and I am a DIL, not a MIL.

Well, you are wrong. And way to go with empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least 50% of I law issues are the DILs, not the MILs. Men have far fewer issues with their inlaws and don't get caught up over every little petty and trivial thing like women do. Most of the in law issues that get posted on here aren't even real issues - they are just that an MIL didn't do things exactly as the DIL wanted or commanded her too and therefore she is hated.

I laugh when I read all these in-law issues. How dare they give my child a present that isn't exactly the same as te only gift we told them they are allowed to give my child. So many are this type of issue. It is all about power and control.

Nice sweeping generalizations based on...???

Facts? Data?

Right, you have none. Why do I care about your opinion?

You obvs have a perfect relationship so move along.

In our family, men had the issues. But the passive aggressive attacks everyone and gender does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least 50% of I law issues are the DILs, not the MILs. Men have far fewer issues with their inlaws and don't get caught up over every little petty and trivial thing like women do. Most of the in law issues that get posted on here aren't even real issues - they are just that an MIL didn't do things exactly as the DIL wanted or commanded her too and therefore she is hated.

I laugh when I read all these in-law issues. How dare they give my child a present that isn't exactly the same as te only gift we told them they are allowed to give my child. So many are this type of issue. It is all about power and control.

You laugh at the MIL hanging out with her son’s rapist?

[Anonymous]

In law problems are classic and universal. Not just dcum. Like stepmother problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least 50% of I law issues are the DILs, not the MILs. Men have far fewer issues with their inlaws and don't get caught up over every little petty and trivial thing like women do. Most of the in law issues that get posted on here aren't even real issues - they are just that an MIL didn't do things exactly as the DIL wanted or commanded her too and therefore she is hated.

I laugh when I read all these in-law issues. How dare they give my child a present that isn't exactly the same as te only gift we told them they are allowed to give my child. So many are this type of issue. It is all about power and control.

Nice sweeping generalizations based on...???

Facts? Data?

Right, you have none. Why do I care about your opinion?

You obvs have a perfect relationship so move along.

In our family, men had the issues. But the passive aggressive attacks everyone and gender does not matter.

Yes I have MIL problems which I would rarely express IRL. Online is different.

However although I have MIL problems I also understand that people have DIL issues or other in law issues. It's a little silly to think that because someone is having issues then they are the problem, generally they are having issues because someone else is causing them or doing something hurtful or annoying. Of course not in every case which is why things are not so black and white.

This is a family family so of course you will see more posts geared toward in law problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You simply do not hear the same things in polite company (“at the club”??) that you do on an anonymous forum. Plenty of people you know have problems with their in-laws.

If you saw me, you’d think I had a great relationship with my in-laws. If I confided to you anonymously on this board, I would tell you I resent them tremendously because we have to take care of my difficult FIL because of his own completely self-imposed illness. He wanted to live however the hell he wanted and we now have to deal with the consequences.

This.

I used to think my MIL was nice and then I realized I just did not know what a knife looked like.

I know, it's weird hey, they smile so sweetly while they stick that knife in. I was a little surprised the first time, now I just expect it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of you are just lucky and don’t get it. My MIL is not a bad person and we don’t have major issues, but she’s not easy to be close to. Her visits are stressful and yes, I do vent online. She makes snarky comments about our home and my body, is not a nice house guest (super messy and doesn’t pick up after herself), and is very hands off with the children, which is fine, they aren’t her children. But she is constantly complaining she’s hurt and offended they aren’t more excited to see her when she visits. Lady, you can bring towers upon towers of gifts, but if you spend your visit sipping wine on the couch instead of playing with the baby and toddler, they aren’t going to feel close to you. She arrives unhappy, complains and snarks at us, and leaves unhappy - and we all feel relieved. I feel sorry for her because she’s lonely and we are all she has. I am civil and welcoming and just bite my tongue 99% of the time. But I’m not going to go out of my way for someone who is not particularly nice to me and never has been.

And this is it isn't it. It's unpleasant being around someone who is passive aggressive and constantly takes digs at you. Would any of us have friends or socialise with someone who did that, no you wouldn't. Why is it so hard to understand that someone that is constantly putting you down, complaining or lying about you to your partner or criticising you is so unpleasant to be around. Perhaps for one visit it would be easy enough to shrug off but who wants to spend a lot of time around people like that. Why is that so hard for some people to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s like yelp reviews. Only those who really have a problem post.

+2

Well, I'll post just to say that I absolutely love my MIL and she's the absolute best. I love spending time with her and talking to her, she's like a second mom and a best friend. That being said, I also have friends that can't get along with their MILS. I feel very lucky to have a MIL that is so wonderful, especially after reading posts on here. My FIL though is a verbally abusive jerk that I don't want to be around. My mother is also one of the nicest people ever, my stepdad was also.

I adore my in-laws too. I married my husband partly because his family is so great. But that doesn't make for a very interesting post, so I never post in this forum.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of the DIL DCUM posts are ridiculous. There are a lot of angry, controlling DILs who at heart are upset they can't 100% control their husbands, so it comes out in stupid, inflexible rants. The irony of course is they will in turn become what they hate, when their children marry. (I am a DIL, not a MIL.)

People do have real IL problems, of course. The abuse, racism, misogyny from some ILs is real. I don't want to minimize those. But a lot of the posts here are petty DILs who are deeply anxious and controlling.