Why do so many on DCUM have in law problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

You don’t know anyone so no one has real problems? I know lots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really makes me wonder where the actual problem is coming from. If you catch my drift . . .

In-law problems aren’t universal. It’s no more of an issue with DCUMers than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's also that many of us were born in different states and then moved here to DC for work. The majority of inlaw problems arise with travel and visiting. I'm so jealous of people who go over for Christmas dinner for 3 hours, have a merry time and then leave. They get to sleep in their own beds and watch their kids open presents under their own trees. And they get to see inlaws on Christmas Eve and parents on Christmas night. Everyone sees them and no one fights over whose turn it is. No one has to take planes, trains and cars with their kids all sleeping in closets and with time changes.

Local parents help and you also help them. It's much more equal. Non local parents just demand visits, have never babysat, and rarely visit

I get what your saying, but local parents don't necessarily (and are not obligated) to help. And if you do have issues with your in-laws, how lovely to have them live far away and only see them a few times a year! It's all pros and cons.

My mom had issues with her MIL and they lived in the same town. I agree in many ways it is easier to be in the same town and have more frequent short visits than stay at someone’s house for a few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

Same! I literally don't know anyone who has inlaw problems. I really think it is DCUM and one or two trolls who get their jollies posting all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

You don’t know anyone so no one has real problems? I know lots.

DP. That you know so many troubled people makes me think that you are troubled yourself … ergo your inlaw problems.

[Anonymous]

Funny because most people would think I don’t have in-law issues as I’m very close and have even been known to sleep over at their house when DH is away. But let me tell you, coming on here is therapy for me. It’s hard to admit to people in hour real life all of the worries you may be having with whomever whether that’s in-laws or DH. Here, I can speak my peace and get some advice. Sometimes I see that I’m right and other times I find out that I’m wrong and that I need a change of perspective. Either way, most people have some
Sort of issue with their in-laws. Most of these petty posts are are good examples of needing to vent to someone online and not in person.

[Anonymous]

Because it’s a reflection of society.

None of my friends are on DCUM yet most have IL issues. They are international, from all walks of life, so it’s not a DC thing.

I don’t have IL issues, but I’m in the minority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

Here’s the thing: I never complain to my friends about in-law problems. It’s too personal and creates a weird situation because they all know DH. That’s what anonymous venting online is for! If you knew me in real life, the worst I would say about ILs is something to the effect if “OMG! All that travel was really exhausting! I’m so happy to be home this week!”

I bet you know lots of people like me. I’m from the Midwest and I live in DC. The last thing I want to do is air out my dirty laundry for all to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's also that many of us were born in different states and then moved here to DC for work. The majority of inlaw problems arise with travel and visiting. I'm so jealous of people who go over for Christmas dinner for 3 hours, have a merry time and then leave. They get to sleep in their own beds and watch their kids open presents under their own trees. And they get to see inlaws on Christmas Eve and parents on Christmas night. Everyone sees them and no one fights over whose turn it is. No one has to take planes, trains and cars with their kids all sleeping in closets and with time changes.

Local parents help and you also help them. It's much more equal. Non local parents just demand visits, have never babysat, and rarely visit

It is hilarious that you think living closer solves in-law problems. Do you read dcum? People definitely complain about inlaws that live close by also.

[Anonymous]

Because MIL is passive aggressive.

She drives her kids and husband and SIL and DIL nuts and then whines and cries that other people are depressed, jerks or mentally ill.

No more Xmas there for a while. She is a holy terror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine most people have some in law "issues" due to little personality clashes or differences of doing things but only on a minor scale and can sometimes complain about it but not in an overly serious way, and this is what it's like IRL for most people. It's the same as complaining about your parents' foibles but still loving them dearly. But nothing like some of the deep seated in law hatred you see on here that does make me think the real problem isn't the in law but the poster in question.

See I think the reverse. This board is anonymous so people feel free to say things they wouldn’t IRL.

I’ll be genuinely glad when my abusive ahole FIL finally dies..but I would never admit that to anyone IRL. I just say something milder like “he and DH clash” etc. People are judgy and often the issue is too complex to describe in a few minutes

This. My BIL made a comment about things changing when the mother dies. He was in tears from her being so mean one year.

She attacked me for letting kid use an iPad. A year later, she gets an iPad and can’t stop talking about how amazing it is. I no longer spend time with her alone bc she goes on the attack. We will shorten our visits and visit less often. She is a b-tch to everyone...not just me and then wonders why people do not come over.

For those of you saying you can’t understand this or suggest it is the DIL, you have no idea. You speak from limited experience with your decent in laws. I will gladly trade with you.

I am going grey rock on MIL. Don’t care if I see her again after the things she has done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Because MIL is passive aggressive.

She drives her kids and husband and SIL and DIL nuts and then whines and cries that other people are depressed, jerks or mentally ill.

No more Xmas there for a while. She is a holy terror.

Me again. This time...so many comments from MIL about my weight. She brings it up every time. She called the SIL “gaunt.” I just ignore her comments. No one can do anything right but her. It is her way or nothing.

She has broken my ceiling fan, gouged my wall and pulled plants she did not like from our garden. Sure. That is all our fault.
She also jammed our kitchen chair into the floor because we have a heating vent in an awkward place. She bent the heating vent and I had to buy a new one.

So I lost an expensive plant, still have a ceiling fan to fix and had to pay for a new heating vent.

Right. DILs can dish it out. I wish. I would never pull her plants up or destroy her house. But maybe I will start. Lol.

God, I had forgotten some of this. Does anyone else have a MIL this bad?

[Anonymous]

Most people I know well enough to actually talk to about stuff like this have problems with their in laws, their own parents or both. Most, not all.

[Anonymous]

This is a family forum so people will naturally come here to vent or talk about problems with their family and that will include in-laws. It isn't a DCUM problem it's all over and no it isn't the DIL's fault that she is upset and doesn't want to take whatever her MIL is dishing out. Thanks for the victim blaming that's the same as saying all women ask for it because of what they wear.

There are a ton of actual in-law forum's specifically for this issue. It's very small minded to think that just a handful of hateful DIL's are congregating on this one site.

Some of the issues I have seen on these forums are MIL's putting nuts in food when the DIL or Grandchild has a nut allergy because they simply don't believe in allergies.

Wanting alone time with grandchildren telling the DIL that they don't want her around. They don't want DIL to breastfeed because they believe the DIL is keeping the baby from them. They hold a crying baby and won't return the baby to the mom because they can soothe bub better.

Making constant insulting remarks about the DIL. Taking over their house by decorating it, re-arranging furniture.

None of these things are normal but you are suggesting that the DIL should shut up and take it.

So I ask all of you. Have you ever walked into your MIL's house and actually moved her sofa and TV around and then told her your lasagne is so much nicer than hers. Would you ever do that to anyone? I dare say the answer is no. Because it's unhinged and not normal.

[Anonymous]

People come to anonymous forum's because sometimes complaining to DH will only cause an argument.

You don't want to talk to your own family about it because then it will create a weird tension when all the families get together.

You don't want to spend your time complaining to your friends too much because there are always better things to talk about.

It's good to get help and advice from people that have been through it because they can tell you what helped them and what worked. They can offer genuine sympathy because they know how much it sucks.

I have found DCUM hit and miss for advice. Some posts are great but others such as this one are full of people that think they know everything and know very little. If you haven't been through it you can't possible know what it's like. If the worst your MIL has said is 'that dress doesn't suit you', then you won't get it.

I always thought I would get along with my MIL. It was deeply hurtful when she rejected me. It took a long time to get over that.

It's a tough place to be in, it's your husbands mother and if he can't see what she is doing is wrong or he crumbles when she cries because she is so hurt she can't move your furniture around and you have broken her heart, it's tough to know how to deal with that level of manipulation. I usually stay away from those people but with MIL I can't. I have since learned but it took time and energy. I can't say I like or respect her, she is just something that is around from time to time.

For a lot of these MIL's I do wonder if they realise that when they die there will be people that will genuinely be relieved that they are no longer around. Yes their son may miss them but that's it. Not much of a way to live life to cause so much grief people look forward to your death.