Why do so many on DCUM have in law problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's also that many of us were born in different states and then moved here to DC for work. The majority of inlaw problems arise with travel and visiting. I'm so jealous of people who go over for Christmas dinner for 3 hours, have a merry time and then leave. They get to sleep in their own beds and watch their kids open presents under their own trees. And they get to see inlaws on Christmas Eve and parents on Christmas night. Everyone sees them and no one fights over whose turn it is. No one has to take planes, trains and cars with their kids all sleeping in closets and with time changes.

Local parents help and you also help them. It's much more equal. Non local parents just demand visits, have never babysat, and rarely visit

Agree!!! I’m SO JEALOUS of families that have a one day holiday event then go home. When everyone is spread out, people fly in and a gazillion family members under one roof for a week+ is miserable, even if you generally like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

I kind of agree. My sister’s husband has a weird, overly religious (think Duggar-like) family but they’re not mean and don’t cause issues. Other than that I’m struggling to think of anyone I know who has any real IL problems.

[Anonymous]

I imagine most people have some in law "issues" due to little personality clashes or differences of doing things but only on a minor scale and can sometimes complain about it but not in an overly serious way, and this is what it's like IRL for most people. It's the same as complaining about your parents' foibles but still loving them dearly. But nothing like some of the deep seated in law hatred you see on here that does make me think the real problem isn't the in law but the poster in question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

I kind of agree. My sister’s husband has a weird, overly religious (think Duggar-like) family but they’re not mean and don’t cause issues. Other than that I’m struggling to think of anyone I know who has any real IL problems.

Is your sister a part of the same religion as her ILs? Because her ILs sound like mine- and DH and I are not religious. Huge problem for the in-laws, & not fixable. Any other issue the ILS are great, but you have to meet the rigid religious requirement first.

Just wondering- because I find it literally impossible to have a good relationship with my own Duggar-like ILs! Short of becoming a fundamentalist anyway.

[Anonymous]

People (DILs) can dish it out but they can't seem to take it (from MILs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine most people have some in law "issues" due to little personality clashes or differences of doing things but only on a minor scale and can sometimes complain about it but not in an overly serious way, and this is what it's like IRL for most people. It's the same as complaining about your parents' foibles but still loving them dearly. But nothing like some of the deep seated in law hatred you see on here that does make me think the real problem isn't the in law but the poster in question.

See I think the reverse. This board is anonymous so people feel free to say things they wouldn’t IRL.

I’ll be genuinely glad when my abusive ahole FIL finally dies..but I would never admit that to anyone IRL. I just say something milder like “he and DH clash” etc. People are judgy and often the issue is too complex to describe in a few minutes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's also that many of us were born in different states and then moved here to DC for work. The majority of inlaw problems arise with travel and visiting. I'm so jealous of people who go over for Christmas dinner for 3 hours, have a merry time and then leave. They get to sleep in their own beds and watch their kids open presents under their own trees. And they get to see inlaws on Christmas Eve and parents on Christmas night. Everyone sees them and no one fights over whose turn it is. No one has to take planes, trains and cars with their kids all sleeping in closets and with time changes.

Local parents help and you also help them. It's much more equal. Non local parents just demand visits, have never babysat, and rarely visit

Agree!!! I’m SO JEALOUS of families that have a one day holiday event then go home. When everyone is spread out, people fly in and a gazillion family members under one roof for a week+ is miserable, even if you generally like them.

Oh my god yes. I could totally hold it together for dinner or whatever a few times a month. I would drop my kids off to hang - which at this point they would love. But put us all under one roof for 3-4 days and we’re on each other’s nerves.

Add in the guilt — if we got for 3 days, why not 4? If we go for 5, why not 6? We literally cannot please them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine most people have some in law "issues" due to little personality clashes or differences of doing things but only on a minor scale and can sometimes complain about it but not in an overly serious way, and this is what it's like IRL for most people. It's the same as complaining about your parents' foibles but still loving them dearly. But nothing like some of the deep seated in law hatred you see on here that does make me think the real problem isn't the in law but the poster in question.

See I think the reverse. This board is anonymous so people feel free to say things they wouldn’t IRL.

I’ll be genuinely glad when my abusive ahole FIL finally dies..but I would never admit that to anyone IRL. I just say something milder like “he and DH clash” etc. People are judgy and often the issue is too complex to describe in a few minutes

+1. Same with the marital issues over on the relationships board (cheating, sexless marriages, verbal abuse) people don’t talk about those things IRL either- I think they are more common than most would guess. Also some of the teenage issues on the teens board- many parents would not admit to many of those issues IRL..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's also that many of us were born in different states and then moved here to DC for work. The majority of inlaw problems arise with travel and visiting. I'm so jealous of people who go over for Christmas dinner for 3 hours, have a merry time and then leave. They get to sleep in their own beds and watch their kids open presents under their own trees. And they get to see inlaws on Christmas Eve and parents on Christmas night. Everyone sees them and no one fights over whose turn it is. No one has to take planes, trains and cars with their kids all sleeping in closets and with time changes.

Local parents help and you also help them. It's much more equal. Non local parents just demand visits, have never babysat, and rarely visit

Agree!!! I’m SO JEALOUS of families that have a one day holiday event then go home. When everyone is spread out, people fly in and a gazillion family members under one roof for a week+ is miserable, even if you generally like them.

Oh my god yes. I could totally hold it together for dinner or whatever a few times a month. I would drop my kids off to hang - which at this point they would love. But put us all under one roof for 3-4 days and we’re on each other’s nerves.

Add in the guilt — if we got for 3 days, why not 4? If we go for 5, why not 6? We literally cannot please them.

Yep. I could get through biweekly dinners with people I hate. That's not that difficult. I could even get through seeing people I hate weekly, but staying at their house? Awful. I truly hate traveling to family with children. I love our vacations with our kids, but traveling to family is hell.

Also, my inlaws NEVER visit us. They claim it's hard to get a dog sitter (the dog is welcome at my house). Sure Karen, but it's not hard to schlep my kids and all their stuff to your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine most people have some in law "issues" due to little personality clashes or differences of doing things but only on a minor scale and can sometimes complain about it but not in an overly serious way, and this is what it's like IRL for most people. It's the same as complaining about your parents' foibles but still loving them dearly. But nothing like some of the deep seated in law hatred you see on here that does make me think the real problem isn't the in law but the poster in question.

See I think the reverse. This board is anonymous so people feel free to say things they wouldn’t IRL.

I’ll be genuinely glad when my abusive ahole FIL finally dies..but I would never admit that to anyone IRL. I just say something milder like “he and DH clash” etc. People are judgy and often the issue is too complex to describe in a few minutes

+1. Same with the marital issues over on the relationships board (cheating, sexless marriages, verbal abuse) people don’t talk about those things IRL either- I think they are more common than most would guess. Also some of the teenage issues on the teens board- many parents would not admit to many of those issues IRL..

+2

I vent on DCUM so I’m nice IRL.

[Anonymous]

Because this place is like anonymous free therapy. And in-law relationships are notoriously difficult. Add in how common personality disorders are and there are a whole lot of people looking for advice or venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really makes me wonder where the actual problem is coming from. If you catch my drift . . .

Because they are super competitive me first types. They will have the same problems with their DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

What on earth? You can’t be serious. I am also from the Midwest, and have lived all over the country. I’d say at least 50 percent of the people I know have ongoing issues with their ILs! I’m in my 40s so in most cases the people I refer to are not newlyweds either.

It's more than 50%.

There are so many forums for inlaws problems on every platform that exists. The problems have existed for as long as familes have merged. Op is not well educated and lives an insular, provincial life not te realize this.

Children become adults and, for their well being, grow up and separate from their parents. Many parents can not handle that transition and can't adapt to change. There is a point where parents have to accept that their adult children aren't going to be told what to do. They are peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really makes me wonder where the actual problem is coming from. If you catch my drift . . .

Because they are super competitive me first types. They will have the same problems with their DIL.

OP here. I think you’re right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's unique to DCUM. All my friends in the "nice" midwest have an inlaw problem too. People on here are just blunt.

Here's the thing: I don't know anyone on either the midwest or the DC area who has any real problems with in laws. We don't. Never have. Our kids don't. Never have. Our friends don't. Never have.

It's a DCUM issue.

I kind of agree. My sister’s husband has a weird, overly religious (think Duggar-like) family but they’re not mean and don’t cause issues. Other than that I’m struggling to think of anyone I know who has any real IL problems.

The people I know who have in law problems keep it on the down low. It's trashy to take it to the streets.