Could you be with a man who cheated

[Anonymous]

A thread about “cheating” which ignores the #1 cause (a disinterested wife) requires at least one post to bring this back to reality.
Those vows are bidirectional. The promise of sexual fidelity comes with a promise of sexual availability. Forsaking all others is only possible between sexually active lovers. If your going to post about cheating, you must first know if they have a normal active sex life (unlikely). And if you aren’t interested in regular sex with your husband, you should divorce him... otherwise look the other way.

You keep posting your “facts” about most cheating resulting from sexless marriages. Please, for once, cite some reputable sources on this. The truth is that there are many men and women who cheat despite the fact that they are still having sex with their spouse. These people cheat because they are liars and they think they can get away with it, it’s as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A thread about “cheating” which ignores the #1 cause (a disinterested wife) requires at least one post to bring this back to reality.
Those vows are bidirectional. The promise of sexual fidelity comes with a promise of sexual availability. Forsaking all others is only possible between sexually active lovers. If your going to post about cheating, you must first know if they have a normal active sex life (unlikely). And if you aren’t interested in regular sex with your husband, you should divorce him... otherwise look the other way.

You keep posting your “facts” about most cheating resulting from sexless marriages. Please, for once, cite some reputable sources on this. The truth is that there are many men and women who cheat despite the fact that they are still having sex with their spouse. These people cheat because they are liars and they think they can get away with it, it’s as simple as that.

Yep, the #1 cause of cheating.. is being a cheater (all of the serious character flaws that go into that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must correct a major flaw in this entire thread. Most so-called “cheating men” do so because they are in a sexless marriage with an uninterested wife. In which case, it is totally expected and normal and healthy that he is going elsewhere for sex. THAT is not a red flag for future relationships at all. Quite the opposite. If he’s NOT having sex elsewhere, THAT is a major red flag that he is an abnormal low libido male whom you definitely never date.

You love to post this ad nauseam (you must get so excited whenever there’s a new thread on cheating!), but my wedding vows did not include a promise to have sexual relations frequently, nor did they define what would be the bare minimum frequency that is acceptable. My DH didn’t suggest any such terms upon which fidelity was conditioned. However, our wedding vows did include promises to have and to hold each other from that day forward, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and to love, cherish and honor each other, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. When we exchanged rings, we pledged that the rings were signs of our love and faithfulness. Many, many people made the same or similar marriage vows, never attempted to negotiate changes to the terms of their marriage, or announced to their spouse that they were ending the marriage, before sleeping with someone else. That is cheating. You’re free to feel justified in your cheating if you’re in a sexless marriage, but you’re still a cheater.

A thread about “cheating” which ignores the #1 cause (a disinterested wife) requires at least one post to bring this back to reality.
Those vows are bidirectional. The promise of sexual fidelity comes with a promise of sexual availability. Forsaking all others is only possible between sexually active lovers. If your going to post about cheating, you must first know if they have a normal active sex life (unlikely). And if you aren’t interested in regular sex with your husband, you should divorce him... otherwise look the other way.

Nope. This is your opinion, based only on your bitterness and rationalization of cheating. See 12/20/19 21:20.

[Anonymous]

If there are problems in your marriage e.g. sex, finances, you have 2 options.

1. Work on your relationship with your partner

2. Divorce

Cheating should not be in consideration. It doesn't solve anything and only makes the relationship worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell to the no. Broken moral compass = dealbreaker. I would also not believe the whole being "very sorry" about it.

I believe it. They’re sorry they got caught and had to deal with the consequences of their actions. Why wouldn’t they be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. Would you consider dating a person (woman or man) who cheated on their spouse, and then subsequently left the spouse and their children (moving to a physically distant state) to pursue a possible new life with the affair party. Their relationship with the affair partner did not work out, and this person is currently dating a friend. What advice would you give a friend in this type of relationship situation?

Anything he will do to the mother of his children, he will do to some random chick he’s dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell to the no. Broken moral compass = dealbreaker. I would also not believe the whole being "very sorry" about it.

I believe it. They’re sorry they got caught and had to deal with the consequences of their actions. Why wouldn’t they be?

I guarantee you Mr. Cheater didn't tell OP, "I'm very sorry I got caught". You know that's not the type of "deeply sorry" narrative he's pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a man in my 40s who told me right up front he had cheated on his wife when his kids were young and how much he regretted it, how much it hurt her and the family, how sorry he was. His kids were grown when I met him and his wife had recently left him for another man.

I was impressed with his honesty. He was otherwise a great guy in many ways. We were together for three years. Then he cheated on me and dumped me for the other woman. Broke my heart. But I should have known.

Yep, every time. I'm sorry you went through that. But thank goodness you didn't hitch your wagon to that disordered loser and you learned what never to do again (and you'll never believe that song and dance again). And I guarantee you he told you lies about the wife who had left him too. And when he dumped you, he probably told the new woman that you cheated on him/you left him. So much lying "woe is me" type of BS with these pathological cheaters.

OP, you need to read this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, cheating is a symptom of a greater character flaw. It's not *just* the cheating - the person almost certainly has selfish, unkind, and poor values that spill over into other areas of life.

So, no, never.

This is how I feel as well. Cheating is one of my few immediate divorce scenarios. I won't stand for it, and I certainly wouldn't start a relationship with a cheater.

YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must correct a major flaw in this entire thread. Most so-called “cheating men” do so because they are in a sexless marriage with an uninterested wife. In which case, it is totally expected and normal and healthy that he is going elsewhere for sex. THAT is not a red flag for future relationships at all. Quite the opposite. If he’s NOT having sex elsewhere, THAT is a major red flag that he is an abnormal low libido male whom you definitely never date.

You love to post this ad nauseam (you must get so excited whenever there’s a new thread on cheating!), but my wedding vows did not include a promise to have sexual relations frequently, nor did they define what would be the bare minimum frequency that is acceptable. My DH didn’t suggest any such terms upon which fidelity was conditioned. However, our wedding vows did include promises to have and to hold each other from that day forward, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and to love, cherish and honor each other, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. When we exchanged rings, we pledged that the rings were signs of our love and faithfulness. Many, many people made the same or similar marriage vows, never attempted to negotiate changes to the terms of their marriage, or announced to their spouse that they were ending the marriage, before sleeping with someone else. That is cheating. You’re free to feel justified in your cheating if you’re in a sexless marriage, but you’re still a cheater.

So true. Well said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. Would you consider dating a person (woman or man) who cheated on their spouse, and then subsequently left the spouse and their children (moving to a physically distant state) to pursue a possible new life with the affair party. Their relationship with the affair partner did not work out, and this person is currently dating a friend. What advice would you give a friend in this type of relationship situation?

No way. I would tell my friend to take the blinders off and get out of that relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. Would you consider dating a person (woman or man) who cheated on their spouse, and then subsequently left the spouse and their children (moving to a physically distant state) to pursue a possible new life with the affair party. Their relationship with the affair partner did not work out, and this person is currently dating a friend. What advice would you give a friend in this type of relationship situation?

Yikes! I would tell your friend not to waste his/her life on that person. That person has shown your friend who he/she really is by what he/she did to spouse and family (and it was horrible). You know the Maya Angelou adage: When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.

Why would your friend want to be with someone who would destroy his/her family like that? That shows a staggering lack of morals (amongst a whole host of other bad things). He or she will turn right around and do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A thread about “cheating” which ignores the #1 cause (a disinterested wife) requires at least one post to bring this back to reality.
Those vows are bidirectional. The promise of sexual fidelity comes with a promise of sexual availability. Forsaking all others is only possible between sexually active lovers. If your going to post about cheating, you must first know if they have a normal active sex life (unlikely). And if you aren’t interested in regular sex with your husband, you should divorce him... otherwise look the other way.

You keep posting your “facts” about most cheating resulting from sexless marriages. Please, for once, cite some reputable sources on this. The truth is that there are many men and women who cheat despite the fact that they are still having sex with their spouse. These people cheat because they are liars and they think they can get away with it, it’s as simple as that.

This is a thread about men (not women) who cheat. And the well proven fact is, MOST married men cheat for one simple reason: to get more sex which the wife does not want to have. I never claimed that "some" married men with reasonable sex at home never cheat: yes, that does happen, but is a tiny minority case barely worth having a thread. I would agree with your explanation (liars, can get away with it, etc) of those few cheating men, but again that's such a small number of men why even discuss that while ignoring the #1 reason entirely?

As to citations: 23.2% of attached men cheat https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21667234 and about 20% of marriages are sexless according to many studies https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage. It is not rocket science to see that most of these cheating men are in a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A thread about “cheating” which ignores the #1 cause (a disinterested wife) requires at least one post to bring this back to reality.
Those vows are bidirectional. The promise of sexual fidelity comes with a promise of sexual availability. Forsaking all others is only possible between sexually active lovers. If your going to post about cheating, you must first know if they have a normal active sex life (unlikely). And if you aren’t interested in regular sex with your husband, you should divorce him... otherwise look the other way.

You keep posting your “facts” about most cheating resulting from sexless marriages. Please, for once, cite some reputable sources on this. The truth is that there are many men and women who cheat despite the fact that they are still having sex with their spouse. These people cheat because they are liars and they think they can get away with it, it’s as simple as that.

This is a thread about men (not women) who cheat. And the well proven fact is, MOST married men cheat for one simple reason: to get more sex which the wife does not want to have. I never claimed that "some" married men with reasonable sex at home never cheat: yes, that does happen, but is a tiny minority case barely worth having a thread. I would agree with your explanation (liars, can get away with it, etc) of those few cheating men, but again that's such a small number of men why even discuss that while ignoring the #1 reason entirely?

As to citations: 23.2% of attached men cheat https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21667234 and about 20% of marriages are sexless according to many studies https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage. It is not rocket science to see that most of these cheating men are in a sexless marriage.

Everyone, the troll has spoken with his 100% unassailable "facts". And sexless marriages are 100% the wife's fault, absolutely NO fault lies with the husband. And so, you know, as a result the poor, amazing, wonderful husband just has to cheat.

And yes, the wives of all of those amazing men literally grabbed their dicks and stuffed them into the vaginas of other women.

The REASON for cheating is the cheater making the decision to cheat. Period.

[Anonymous]

The number one cause of cheating is selfishness. It is saying I want x - be it emotional, physical or sexual - and I don't care about anyone else or how they might be hurt or impacted by this. Only my need / want matters and I will do what I want.