I do 75% of childcare and still DH wants to split bills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a DC forum. We live in DC. Childcare in NW costs $1800-$2400 full time, and some charge that much for part time preschool.

For daycare?! A week? How much is this playgroup?

OP here. lol no those amounts are per month. Playgroup is $250/mo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this right: you don't actually have child care. You pay a little to drop your kid off at a "playgroup" without you there, and then you work during playgroup time.

Realizing that this is a terrible and unstable child care plan, you want to pay for a real child care situation, specifically 2 day a week preschool, so that you can work during the hours that your child is in a reliable child care situation. But, the cost of this childcare is more than you are making during the hours the child is in care, but your DH won't cover the difference.

Does that restate the primary issue correctly?

Yes that's correct

Wait a minute- how is this correct? If you make 95K you are making far more than the cost of $1200/mo childcare. What??

She doesn’t want to pay for childcare solely out of her salary as if she’s a single mom and her husband has zero responsibility towards their child. Her husband doesn’t want to contribute to childcare expenses at all.

I hate to say this, but OP, you would be way better off divorced. Living with someone like your DH is only going to get worse. You will never be able to spend any money and you will get very resentful. Leave. There are lots of men out there who aren’t like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still a bit lost on the details. She makes more than her husband but not enough to cover 3 days of preschool?

Sounds like she doesn't want to be 100% responsible for paying the cost.

Her title is that he wants to split the bills. It sounds like they each pay 50/50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I make 95k working part time and he makes 105k working full time. I could work full time but it would be hard to make more than what I do now, in a full time position. It's also not that easy for me to add to my client roster (it's complicated). Anyway, I get that he is contributing to our future retirement but my resentment stems that a slight difference for just a couple more years - 2 max - is coming at the cost of my mental health. I hold my breath trying to get all my work done in 2-3 hrs and I'm over it. Plus sometimes uber-cheap playgroup is canceled without warning which makes it impossible for me to work at all. I'm tired of this arrangement but our only way out is to pay significantly more (and not even that much - $1200/mo total) for part time daycare.

NP. Your DH is being outrageous.

Tell him you're getting 40 hours a week paid childcare starting in 2 weeks so you can continue to earn your full time paycheck. The fact that you work your butt off with efficiency to get all that work done in 3 hours a day is none of his business.

He will be responsible for half that amount.

When he complains and asks why your request for the number of hours of childcare just went up, you can call it an outrageousness tax.

Seriously, if you're earning the same income AND he wants to split bills (and unilaterally decide to send money to his parents) then he can also pay for childcare for all the time he's out of the house. No way should you be responsible for more of it.

When you've had your fun, tell him you're kidding and you only want 3 solid hours reliable childcare per week so you can earn your full time income. It will seem like a bargain to him. Although honestly I don't know why you'd accept that, he sounds like an ass.

THIS. The separate finances make no sense to me but if you are going to do it that way then he pays for 50% of childcare, as you make almost the same $$. Why wouldn’t this be the case?? And then yes- if he comes back down to earth- say the 3 days will work fine. Seriously how ridiculous. He is making 100K snd balking at 600/mo for “his half” of childcare!?! A bargain. And again for the record I think the separate finances is unwise.

[Anonymous]

Op, what would your salary be full-time?

[Anonymous]

OP you need a divorce in the worst way.

You’re being financially abused and you don’t even realize it. Once you get out of your husband’s thumb it’s going to feel like a breath of fresh air.

[Anonymous]

If everything is 50-50 then of course he should pay half. If I were you I’d setup a new bank account- each of you transfer enough in to cover household expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, health insurance, groceries, childcare). The $ for childcare could come from that. Keep anything remaining in your own separate accounts (and that is where the $ he uses for his parent should come from by the way). That way you each have an equal Amt of $ to spend on non-household/child costs.

One thing I would add is: are you paying hefty self employment taxes, and not contributing towards health care (I’m guessing that is through his job)? If so that skews the income a bit in his favor. Wouldn’t matter at our house but since you guys keep everything “separate” perhaps that helps skew his perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would your salary be full-time?

Honestly I'd be lucky to make what I do now, in an office role. I'd be looking at $80/90 max, for much more hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would your salary be full-time?

Honestly I'd be lucky to make what I do now, in an office role. I'd be looking at $80/90 max, for much more hours.

How about benefits like healthcare, retirement match etc? Is it possible your DH thinks he is doing you a favor by covering these things while you work a flex schedule and are able to spend time with your child? He may feel he is being generous here.

FWIW am on your side (you need proper childcare) but maybe your DH is framing this differently

[Anonymous]

Suggest needing marital therapy over this and the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would your salary be full-time?

Honestly I'd be lucky to make what I do now, in an office role. I'd be looking at $80/90 max, for much more hours.

how does that work? I'm seriously confused as to what you do for PT work vs what you could do for FT work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would your salary be full-time?

Honestly I'd be lucky to make what I do now, in an office role. I'd be looking at $80/90 max, for much more hours.

how does that work? I'm seriously confused as to what you do for PT work vs what you could do for FT work.

Also extremely confused -- why can't you just keep doing the same work you are doing now, and earning $95K? But with much less time pressure?

also on board for getting more childcare -- i currently send my 2.5 year old to one of these $200 /month playgroups in the mornings, and scramble to complete freelance work during that time. It is driving me absolutely bonkers, and I am considering hiring a sitter to pick him up and hang with him 2/week, giving me two days with 6 hour workdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a DC forum. We live in DC. Childcare in NW costs $1800-$2400 full time, and some charge that much for part time preschool.

For daycare?! A week? How much is this playgroup?

OP here. lol no those amounts are per month. Playgroup is $250/mo.

I know a few in homes in your area that charge about $60 a day. I think you are looking in the wrong places. If you are OK with your child in an in home vs. center, that is. I imagine you are since you are OK with this loose playgroup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would your salary be full-time?

Honestly I'd be lucky to make what I do now, in an office role. I'd be looking at $80/90 max, for much more hours.

how does that work? I'm seriously confused as to what you do for PT work vs what you could do for FT work.

Also extremely confused -- why can't you just keep doing the same work you are doing now, and earning $95K? But with much less time pressure?

also on board for getting more childcare -- i currently send my 2.5 year old to one of these $200 /month playgroups in the mornings, and scramble to complete freelance work during that time. It is driving me absolutely bonkers, and I am considering hiring a sitter to pick him up and hang with him 2/week, giving me two days with 6 hour workdays.

It's the WORST!

The reason I mention the impossibility of full time work is that people assume that you make more in an office than you do freelancing, which is not true in my case. I can charge way more hourly than I could make in an office. Maybe it's random, but I think that's how it is in a lot of industries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what would your salary be full-time?

Honestly I'd be lucky to make what I do now, in an office role. I'd be looking at $80/90 max, for much more hours.

how does that work? I'm seriously confused as to what you do for PT work vs what you could do for FT work.

Also extremely confused -- why can't you just keep doing the same work you are doing now, and earning $95K? But with much less time pressure?

also on board for getting more childcare -- i currently send my 2.5 year old to one of these $200 /month playgroups in the mornings, and scramble to complete freelance work during that time. It is driving me absolutely bonkers, and I am considering hiring a sitter to pick him up and hang with him 2/week, giving me two days with 6 hour workdays.

Oh and you're lucky if your playgroup meets every day. Mine gets canceled last minute at least once a week. Literally when we are at the door of the playgroup.