I do 75% of childcare and still DH wants to split bills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this right: you don't actually have child care. You pay a little to drop your kid off at a "playgroup" without you there, and then you work during playgroup time.

Realizing that this is a terrible and unstable child care plan, you want to pay for a real child care situation, specifically 2 day a week preschool, so that you can work during the hours that your child is in a reliable child care situation. But, the cost of this childcare is more than you are making during the hours the child is in care, but your DH won't cover the difference.

Does that restate the primary issue correctly?

Yes that's correct

Wait a minute- how is this correct? If you make 95K you are making far more than the cost of $1200/mo childcare. What??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this right: you don't actually have child care. You pay a little to drop your kid off at a "playgroup" without you there, and then you work during playgroup time.

Realizing that this is a terrible and unstable child care plan, you want to pay for a real child care situation, specifically 2 day a week preschool, so that you can work during the hours that your child is in a reliable child care situation. But, the cost of this childcare is more than you are making during the hours the child is in care, but your DH won't cover the difference.

Does that restate the primary issue correctly?

Yes that's correct

Absolutely ridiculous for him to expect you to work without adequate childcare.

There are a lot of preschools out there with extended care if needed.

[Anonymous]

I just reread the post that he is supporting his parents. We also support my parents and I have childcare.

I actually commend him for being a big saver but it can’t be at the expense of your sanity.

[Anonymous]

You’re husband is a cheap a$$. Also, what type of work you do that doesn’t require good writing/planning and pays this well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this right: you don't actually have child care. You pay a little to drop your kid off at a "playgroup" without you there, and then you work during playgroup time.

Realizing that this is a terrible and unstable child care plan, you want to pay for a real child care situation, specifically 2 day a week preschool, so that you can work during the hours that your child is in a reliable child care situation. But, the cost of this childcare is more than you are making during the hours the child is in care, but your DH won't cover the difference.

Does that restate the primary issue correctly?

Yes that's correct

Absolutely ridiculous for him to expect you to work without adequate childcare.

There are a lot of preschools out there with extended care if needed.

If you make $95,000 a year I don’t understand how impactful just two days a week of childcare would be cost wise. What area are you win and what are they looking to charge you? Full-time daycare is around $250 a week part-time care should be a fraction of that.

[Anonymous]

Y’all are a hot mess. Maybe try a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University and see if you can get on the same page about money. Your arrangement wouldn’t work for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I make 95k working part time and he makes 105k working full time. I could work full time but it would be hard to make more than what I do now, in a full time position. It's also not that easy for me to add to my client roster (it's complicated). Anyway, I get that he is contributing to our future retirement but my resentment stems that a slight difference for just a couple more years - 2 max - is coming at the cost of my mental health. I hold my breath trying to get all my work done in 2-3 hrs and I'm over it. Plus sometimes uber-cheap playgroup is canceled without warning which makes it impossible for me to work at all. I'm tired of this arrangement but our only way out is to pay significantly more (and not even that much - $1200/mo total) for part time daycare.

This is thoroughly absurd and I’d put your foot down.

Him: earns 105. Zero child care during week.
You: earns 95. 30+? Hours of child care during week.

Wouldn’t fly with me. You are only asking for 15k/yr PT childcare expense on a HHI of 200K. That is LOW.

How much is he sending his parents???

If she is doing childcare 30 hours a week, and he's not doing childcare at all, is the kid at playgroup 138 hours a week? Who is with the kid on the weekends and in the evenings?

[Anonymous]

This is a DC forum. We live in DC. Childcare in NW costs $1800-$2400 full time, and some charge that much for part time preschool.

[Anonymous]

You make $200,000 a year combined, you can easily afford childcare, even PT childcare.
I think you should tell him starting in Jan DD is going to a daycare 2 or 3 days a week so you can get work done and have some adult time to run errands or whatever. Having said that, if you do this, I think you need to give your kid your time and attention on the other days if you do this, do a class together or something so you still get that one on one time.

Spouse makes double what I make. We get paid into our own accounts then once a month we put money into a joint account for household expenses. She puts in more than me ( not double) but also pays for childcare and summer camps out of her money.
What we do works for us and we rarely argue about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re husband is a cheap a$$. Also, what type of work you do that doesn’t require good writing/planning and pays this well?

OP ignore this troll.

[Anonymous]

I am still a bit lost on the details. She makes more than her husband but not enough to cover 3 days of preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still a bit lost on the details. She makes more than her husband but not enough to cover 3 days of preschool?

OP here. I make 95. He makes 105.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I make 95k working part time and he makes 105k working full time. I could work full time but it would be hard to make more than what I do now, in a full time position. It's also not that easy for me to add to my client roster (it's complicated). Anyway, I get that he is contributing to our future retirement but my resentment stems that a slight difference for just a couple more years - 2 max - is coming at the cost of my mental health. I hold my breath trying to get all my work done in 2-3 hrs and I'm over it. Plus sometimes uber-cheap playgroup is canceled without warning which makes it impossible for me to work at all. I'm tired of this arrangement but our only way out is to pay significantly more (and not even that much - $1200/mo total) for part time daycare.

NP. Your DH is being outrageous.

Tell him you're getting 40 hours a week paid childcare starting in 2 weeks so you can continue to earn your full time paycheck. The fact that you work your butt off with efficiency to get all that work done in 3 hours a day is none of his business.

He will be responsible for half that amount.

When he complains and asks why your request for the number of hours of childcare just went up, you can call it an outrageousness tax.

Seriously, if you're earning the same income AND he wants to split bills (and unilaterally decide to send money to his parents) then he can also pay for childcare for all the time he's out of the house. No way should you be responsible for more of it.

When you've had your fun, tell him you're kidding and you only want 3 solid hours reliable childcare per week so you can earn your full time income. It will seem like a bargain to him. Although honestly I don't know why you'd accept that, he sounds like an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a DC forum. We live in DC. Childcare in NW costs $1800-$2400 full time, and some charge that much for part time preschool.

For daycare?! A week? How much is this playgroup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still a bit lost on the details. She makes more than her husband but not enough to cover 3 days of preschool?

Sounds like she doesn't want to be 100% responsible for paying the cost.