If you're going to be rude and ask if a sibling can attend the birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

That’s very easy to do. Just associate the invited child’s name with the email of one of both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

Here's a freaking hint. If it's a birthday party for a 6-year-old, YOUR 6-year-old who is in her Kindergarten class who is invited. The 3yo sibling she's never met is not. Your 8mo is not.

It's really hard when you have twins, especially boy-girl twins. Are they both invited? What if they are in the same class? It is impossible to tell with evites.

Then use the contact information PROVIDED ON THE EVITE and PRIVATELY ask, if you must.

You are so nasty. The point was that many of us don't want to be rude and appear to be inviting siblings to a party. Asking raises the possibility that the host will feel pressure to say "yes." I am fine with a host inviting whoever he or she wants, but if the invite isn't specific, it tells me nothing and leaves me guessing. This is particularly true when the host hides the guest list. If I can see that everyone is invited or if it a mostly boys or girls party, I can figure it out.

I would never email the group. One thing I do is guess and RSVP with only one kids' name. Often, I will get a response from the host saying "I just wanted to let you know that XXX is invited too."

You're making this way more difficult. But, since you have some aversion to asking, at least your approach works and doesn't burden the host with extra kids.

Also, the OP complained that is is RUDE to ask. That was the entire point of this post. Not just that it was rude to do so publicly, but that it was RUDE to ASK.

Maybe that's why people don't want to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

Here's a freaking hint. If it's a birthday party for a 6-year-old, YOUR 6-year-old who is in her Kindergarten class who is invited. The 3yo sibling she's never met is not. Your 8mo is not.

It's really hard when you have twins, especially boy-girl twins. Are they both invited? What if they are in the same class? It is impossible to tell with evites.

Then use the contact information PROVIDED ON THE EVITE and PRIVATELY ask, if you must.

You are so nasty. The point was that many of us don't want to be rude and appear to be inviting siblings to a party. Asking raises the possibility that the host will feel pressure to say "yes." I am fine with a host inviting whoever he or she wants, but if the invite isn't specific, it tells me nothing and leaves me guessing. This is particularly true when the host hides the guest list. If I can see that everyone is invited or if it a mostly boys or girls party, I can figure it out.

I would never email the group. One thing I do is guess and RSVP with only one kids' name. Often, I will get a response from the host saying "I just wanted to let you know that XXX is invited too."

You're making this way more difficult. But, since you have some aversion to asking, at least your approach works and doesn't burden the host with extra kids.

Also, the OP complained that is is RUDE to ask. That was the entire point of this post. Not just that it was rude to do so publicly, but that it was RUDE to ASK.

Maybe that's why people don't want to ask.

It is rude to ask. Use your common sense. Think it through. Gee whillikers, only one of my kids is in this kids class, whatever do I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

Here's a freaking hint. If it's a birthday party for a 6-year-old, YOUR 6-year-old who is in her Kindergarten class who is invited. The 3yo sibling she's never met is not. Your 8mo is not.

It's really hard when you have twins, especially boy-girl twins. Are they both invited? What if they are in the same class? It is impossible to tell with evites.

Then use the contact information PROVIDED ON THE EVITE and PRIVATELY ask, if you must.

You are so nasty. The point was that many of us don't want to be rude and appear to be inviting siblings to a party. Asking raises the possibility that the host will feel pressure to say "yes." I am fine with a host inviting whoever he or she wants, but if the invite isn't specific, it tells me nothing and leaves me guessing. This is particularly true when the host hides the guest list. If I can see that everyone is invited or if it a mostly boys or girls party, I can figure it out.

I would never email the group. One thing I do is guess and RSVP with only one kids' name. Often, I will get a response from the host saying "I just wanted to let you know that XXX is invited too."

You're making this way more difficult. But, since you have some aversion to asking, at least your approach works and doesn't burden the host with extra kids.

Also, the OP complained that is is RUDE to ask. That was the entire point of this post. Not just that it was rude to do so publicly, but that it was RUDE to ASK.

Maybe that's why people don't want to ask.

It is rude to ask. Use your common sense. Think it through. Gee whillikers, only one of my kids is in this kids class, whatever do I do.

I was just pointing out that my "aversion to asking" as per the PP was avoiding being rude and that sending an invitation that is not directed to any particular child is also rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things I've learned:
-ALWAYS hide the guest list;
-always state up front who is invited and who is not ("unfortunately we cannot accommodate siblings")
-cut off the ability to respond after the RSVP date
-and know that you will need to be flexible day of when the one or 2 self-centered people show up with their other kid.

I get people have more than one kid. But, for a 6th grader party, no, you're 2d grader is not invited. And it's not "being left out" for her/him to not be included.

It should be less of an issue for a 6th grader. IME when the kids can be dropped off it’s not an issue as to whether siblings are invited. Siblings are an issue when it’s not a drop off party.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP - I state whether or not siblings are included in the initiation to avoid this.
So many people post here asking others to change when the easiest thing is to change yourself.

Because the envelope the invite is in that’s addressed to Larla —and Larla alone— is just too vague to decipher.

Your time machine is waiting outside to get back to the present.

No one is sending invitations in envelopes anymore.

Every single classmate invite both my kids have received since K, has been paper invite in envelope.

Are you 70?

what does.age have to do with it? we get paper invites all the time.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure everyone invited to your party is going to recognize you via this thread. Nice job OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say upfront that you can't accommodate siblings.

If asked, say you can't accommodate siblings.

I actually have zero problem with people asking. Some places it's not a big deal or numbers are low and it doesn't matter to the party organizer. Some people genuinely aren't going to be able to have the kid attend if they can't bring a sibling. So they want to know.

People ask. You answer.

Exactly, just answer. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You know what's tricky? Some siblings ARE invited, but some aren't. We genuinely socialize as a group with some families, and the siblings are close in age, etc. Or my cousin is welcome to bring all 4 of her kids, because that's family.

So I can't make some blanket "no sibling" statement when some siblings are invited.

I'm just frustrated because the people asking are all daycare folks we don't know well at all. But they all have my contact info, and I don't get why they couldn't ask PRIVATELY.

Well I think that is kind of rude. I would welcome all siblings or not.

You don't get that people you truly socialize with, whole families, where all kids play together often, is different than Classmate Larla and her little brother that my kid has literally never me?

You don't get that siblings who are literally related to the birthday girl = cousins, despite age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You know what's tricky? Some siblings ARE invited, but some aren't. We genuinely socialize as a group with some families, and the siblings are close in age, etc. Or my cousin is welcome to bring all 4 of her kids, because that's family.

So I can't make some blanket "no sibling" statement when some siblings are invited.

I'm just frustrated because the people asking are all daycare folks we don't know well at all. But they all have my contact info, and I don't get why they couldn't ask PRIVATELY.

Well I think that is kind of rude. I would welcome all siblings or not.

You don't get that people you truly socialize with, whole families, where all kids play together often, is different than Classmate Larla and her little brother that my kid has literally never me?

You don't get that siblings who are literally related to the birthday girl = cousins, despite age?

Do what you want.
If it’s not a drop off party I try to include siblings.

[Anonymous]

I do think that the invitation should be explicit in whether or not siblings are welcome. We choose venues that can accommodate as many as possible and that's one reason. I want to make it easy for people to come to the party. It's a party and Pump it Up is fun, y'all. Come one, come all.

[Anonymous]

You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

This. If you’re going to bar me bringing my younger child, AND it’s not a drop off party, we aren’t coming. Nothing personal that just doesn’t work for my family. So please be explicit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

We aren’t “making” the host do anything, just figuring out if we are coming or not.