If you're going to be rude and ask if a sibling can attend the birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I state whether or not siblings are included in the initiation to avoid this.
So many people post here asking others to change when the easiest thing is to change yourself.

Because the envelope the invite is in that’s addressed to Larla —and Larla alone— is just too vague to decipher.

Your time machine is waiting outside to get back to the present.

No one is sending invitations in envelopes anymore.

Every single classmate invite both my kids have received since K, has been paper invite in envelope.

Are you 70?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You know what's tricky? Some siblings ARE invited, but some aren't. We genuinely socialize as a group with some families, and the siblings are close in age, etc. Or my cousin is welcome to bring all 4 of her kids, because that's family.

So I can't make some blanket "no sibling" statement when some siblings are invited.

I'm just frustrated because the people asking are all daycare folks we don't know well at all. But they all have my contact info, and I don't get why they couldn't ask PRIVATELY.

Well I think that is kind of rude. I would welcome all siblings or not.

How is this rude? Those siblings have an actual relationship with the person whose birthday party it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

Here's a freaking hint. If it's a birthday party for a 6-year-old, YOUR 6-year-old who is in her Kindergarten class who is invited. The 3yo sibling she's never met is not. Your 8mo is not.

It's really hard when you have twins, especially boy-girl twins. Are they both invited? What if they are in the same class? It is impossible to tell with evites.

Then use the contact information PROVIDED ON THE EVITE and PRIVATELY ask, if you must.

You are so nasty. The point was that many of us don't want to be rude and appear to be inviting siblings to a party. Asking raises the possibility that the host will feel pressure to say "yes." I am fine with a host inviting whoever he or she wants, but if the invite isn't specific, it tells me nothing and leaves me guessing. This is particularly true when the host hides the guest list. If I can see that everyone is invited or if it a mostly boys or girls party, I can figure it out.

I would never email the group. One thing I do is guess and RSVP with only one kids' name. Often, I will get a response from the host saying "I just wanted to let you know that XXX is invited too."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

This. The typical evite leaves it up to the person accepting to say how many people are coming. Also the convention at our school is to welcome siblings, so I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for clarity.

Schools do not have the authority to determine that siblings are invited to parties nor to dictate that all children in class are invited. These decisions are for parents who are paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

This. The typical evite leaves it up to the person accepting to say how many people are coming. Also the convention at our school is to welcome siblings, so I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for clarity.

Schools do not have the authority to determine that siblings are invited to parties nor to dictate that all children in class are invited. These decisions are for parents who are paying.

That’s nice but irrelevant. I was referring to the “convention” as in cultural norm that at our school the typical party welcomes the entire class and also siblings. It’s a small private school and that’s just how we roll. So a parent trying to exclude siblings would probably do well to be explicit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

This. The typical evite leaves it up to the person accepting to say how many people are coming. Also the convention at our school is to welcome siblings, so I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for clarity.

+1 Our school is like this too - it's relatively small and all the kids pretty much know each other, including the younger siblings. So most people are explicit on the invite whether siblings can come or not. Just lay it out at the beginning because the evites do not make it clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You know what's tricky? Some siblings ARE invited, but some aren't. We genuinely socialize as a group with some families, and the siblings are close in age, etc. Or my cousin is welcome to bring all 4 of her kids, because that's family.

So I can't make some blanket "no sibling" statement when some siblings are invited.

I'm just frustrated because the people asking are all daycare folks we don't know well at all. But they all have my contact info, and I don't get why they couldn't ask PRIVATELY.

In that case you put a blanket announcement on the evite: “We can not accommodate siblings.” Then you text your cousin and close friends and say, of course all the cousins are invited and please bring all the kids since the birthday kid is friends with the whole family.

This is what I did when I threw a party that could not accommodate siblings. I then texted our family friends to let them know of course I did not mean them, and was looking forward to seeing Larlo and Larlito at the party.

[Anonymous]

This is part of the reason why we no longer those types of "event" birthday parties. ITA, that is rude. The invite was for x child because the kid is friends with x not with the sibling. Why do people insinuate their other children into these birthday parties. It's like inviting yourself to a party you were not invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

This. The typical evite leaves it up to the person accepting to say how many people are coming. Also the convention at our school is to welcome siblings, so I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for clarity.

Schools do not have the authority to determine that siblings are invited to parties nor to dictate that all children in class are invited. These decisions are for parents who are paying.

That’s nice but irrelevant. I was referring to the “convention” as in cultural norm that at our school the typical party welcomes the entire class and also siblings. It’s a small private school and that’s just how we roll. So a parent trying to exclude siblings would probably do well to be explicit.

But it's not a school party.

[Anonymous]

Then say something like, Sorry, we are at capacity. I hope Johnny can still make it. You are not excluding siblings, just saying no.

[Anonymous]

Things I've learned:
-ALWAYS hide the guest list;
-always state up front who is invited and who is not ("unfortunately we cannot accommodate siblings")
-cut off the ability to respond after the RSVP date
-and know that you will need to be flexible day of when the one or 2 self-centered people show up with their other kid.

I get people have more than one kid. But, for a 6th grader party, no, you're 2d grader is not invited. And it's not "being left out" for her/him to not be included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

Here's a freaking hint. If it's a birthday party for a 6-year-old, YOUR 6-year-old who is in her Kindergarten class who is invited. The 3yo sibling she's never met is not. Your 8mo is not.

It's really hard when you have twins, especially boy-girl twins. Are they both invited? What if they are in the same class? It is impossible to tell with evites.

Then use the contact information PROVIDED ON THE EVITE and PRIVATELY ask, if you must.

You are so nasty. The point was that many of us don't want to be rude and appear to be inviting siblings to a party. Asking raises the possibility that the host will feel pressure to say "yes." I am fine with a host inviting whoever he or she wants, but if the invite isn't specific, it tells me nothing and leaves me guessing. This is particularly true when the host hides the guest list. If I can see that everyone is invited or if it a mostly boys or girls party, I can figure it out.

I would never email the group. One thing I do is guess and RSVP with only one kids' name. Often, I will get a response from the host saying "I just wanted to let you know that XXX is invited too."

You're making this way more difficult. But, since you have some aversion to asking, at least your approach works and doesn't burden the host with extra kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You messed up by publicly saying yes? And $100 is cheap in bday party world?

$100 extra. She's probably already spending $500.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things I've learned:
-ALWAYS hide the guest list;
-always state up front who is invited and who is not ("unfortunately we cannot accommodate siblings")
-cut off the ability to respond after the RSVP date
-and know that you will need to be flexible day of when the one or 2 self-centered people show up with their other kid.

I get people have more than one kid. But, for a 6th grader party, no, you're 2d grader is not invited. And it's not "being left out" for her/him to not be included.

Also, if you hide the guest list but are inviting families with twins or families with siblings of similar age with whom you frequently socialize, perhaps send a message clarifying which kids are invited, "looking forward to seeing XX at Larla's party next week."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

Here's a freaking hint. If it's a birthday party for a 6-year-old, YOUR 6-year-old who is in her Kindergarten class who is invited. The 3yo sibling she's never met is not. Your 8mo is not.

It's really hard when you have twins, especially boy-girl twins. Are they both invited? What if they are in the same class? It is impossible to tell with evites.

Then use the contact information PROVIDED ON THE EVITE and PRIVATELY ask, if you must.

You are so nasty. The point was that many of us don't want to be rude and appear to be inviting siblings to a party. Asking raises the possibility that the host will feel pressure to say "yes." I am fine with a host inviting whoever he or she wants, but if the invite isn't specific, it tells me nothing and leaves me guessing. This is particularly true when the host hides the guest list. If I can see that everyone is invited or if it a mostly boys or girls party, I can figure it out.

I would never email the group. One thing I do is guess and RSVP with only one kids' name. Often, I will get a response from the host saying "I just wanted to let you know that XXX is invited too."

You're making this way more difficult. But, since you have some aversion to asking, at least your approach works and doesn't burden the host with extra kids.

Not really. Manners are about being considerate of others and making them feel comfortable. Just as it is rude to put the host on the spot by asking to bring tagalong siblings, it is also rude to send invitations that do not clarify who is invited. I'm not talking about 10 years and 10 month olds. In OP's situation, asking about random siblings is rude. I was pointing out that the child actually invited is not clear in evites, particularly when you have closely spaced siblings or twins.