If you're going to be rude and ask if a sibling can attend the birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I feel your pain op. I’m sorry! Unless you are a single parent or really can’t find another way, DONT BRING OR ASK TO BRING SIBLINGS!

I don’t think you have to be a single parent to not have childcare on the weekends. How many people do you really know that have two parents home all weekend every weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM seems somewhat divorced from my real life on this topic. At both of my kids’ schools, siblings have either been invited to every party or a vague invitation has later been clarified to include siblings (probably in response to someone asking, but not me). Kids are young so things might change as they’re older.

Ours too.

What’s funny is that I think our school is lower income than DCUM in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish evites made clearer to whom they are addressed. My kids are little, so they do not have their own email addresses. But, they are also very close in age and are both friends with many of the same kids. Sometimes, I honestly cannot tell if the birthday kid is inviting one of my kids or both of them.

That said, I generally agree with OP that, if you have to ask, you should do so privately and in a way that makes it easy for the host to say no.

This. The typical evite leaves it up to the person accepting to say how many people are coming. Also the convention at our school is to welcome siblings, so I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for clarity.

Why does the school matter? Or what other people do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I feel your pain op. I’m sorry! Unless you are a single parent or really can’t find another way, DONT BRING OR ASK TO BRING SIBLINGS!

I don’t think you have to be a single parent to not have childcare on the weekends. How many people do you really know that have two parents home all weekend every weekend?

Um- most two parent families? Even my military DH is around most weekends.

[Anonymous]

So weird. What ever happened to "the more the merrier?" you poeple are so rude.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a perfect example of lack of empathy. The inability to put yourself in anyone else's situation. To the person who believes that in two parent households, they are most likely both at home every weekend. Maybe in your social circle, however, not in the real world. It may be difficult to imagine what it is like to have to decline every invite because of lack of child care. It is not rude to ask a question, many parents (apparently not on DCUM!) are very straightforward with a response. Again, typical DCUM thread. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Like most threads on this forum, there’s an easy solution, if you’re in a jam where your kid can’t go unless you bring a sibling, just email and say:
Kim, I’m so sorry Larla can’t make Darla’s party. My spouse has to work that weekend so I’m watching both little Karla and Larla that day. Happy birthday to Darla!”

Then darlas mom can say either:
Bring little karla too!
Would it help if I drove larla? Happy to try to help!
Or
We’ll miss her!

Also, there are plenty of times I’ve stopped at kid at the bounce place for a party and taken younger sibling to the grocery store or out for ice cream as a special treat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I state whether or not siblings are included in the initiation to avoid this.
So many people post here asking others to change when the easiest thing is to change yourself.

Because the envelope the invite is in that’s addressed to Larla —and Larla alone— is just too vague to decipher.

Your time machine is waiting outside to get back to the present.

No one is sending invitations in envelopes anymore.

Every single classmate invite both my kids have received since K, has been paper invite in envelope.

Ok so its in your kid's backpack and that right there tells you which one of your kids is invited. Or do your kids share a backpack too??!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I state whether or not siblings are included in the initiation to avoid this.
So many people post here asking others to change when the easiest thing is to change yourself.

Because the envelope the invite is in that’s addressed to Larla —and Larla alone— is just too vague to decipher.

Your time machine is waiting outside to get back to the present.

No one is sending invitations in envelopes anymore.

Every single classmate invite both my kids have received since K, has been paper invite in envelope.

Ok so its in your kid's backpack and that right there tells you which one of your kids is invited. Or do your kids share a backpack too??!!

DP - I have never, not once, received a hard copy invitation to a kid's birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a perfect example of lack of empathy. The inability to put yourself in anyone else's situation. To the person who believes that in two parent households, they are most likely both at home every weekend. Maybe in your social circle, however, not in the real world. It may be difficult to imagine what it is like to have to decline every invite because of lack of child care. It is not rude to ask a question, many parents (apparently not on DCUM!) are very straightforward with a response. Again, typical DCUM thread. Get over yourself.

Of course it's rude to ask to bring an uninvited guest. The way to handle it would be to say, I'm so sorry, but Larlo can't make the party because I don't have childcare for Larla. If the hostess can accommodate siblings or wants them there, then she is free to say, of course you can bring her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I feel your pain op. I’m sorry! Unless you are a single parent or really can’t find another way, DONT BRING OR ASK TO BRING SIBLINGS!

I don’t think you have to be a single parent to not have childcare on the weekends. How many people do you really know that have two parents home all weekend every weekend?

Um- most two parent families? Even my military DH is around most weekends.

Really? I can’t think of anyone who has two parents off most weekends. I have friends who are doctors, pharmacists, farmers/ranchers, lawyers, college athletic coaches, hairstylists, truckers, small business owners, firemen, chefs...none are off every weekend. The only people I know who are off every weekend are teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say no if no is your answer. Don't assume the very worst of someone because they ask a question. It's a question. It's a question. Say, yes or no. Asking a question is not rude --- however, when is it ever OK to bring other people along to an invited event? ahhh never. So -try- not to ask dumb questions.

Asking the host to change their event to be more convenient for you is rude.

Something else to consider: I have a kindergartener. She has 2 younger siblings and when we planned her party, one thing she wanted was for the day just for her and her friends. We celebrate as a family, but we didn’t want to force her to share her friend party with her 2 year old and 6 month old brothers. More importantly we didn’t want to limit the activities to something for 2 year olds. For two hours I wanted her to get to do something she wanted with her friends.

I would have been pissed if some jerk mom had shown up with her toddlers after we went through the trouble of trying to give my kid some baby free time on her freakin birthday.

Asking a host who says siblings are not invited to accommodate your child and their sibling is rude. Asking a host if siblings are invited when it is not specified whether or not they are is not rude. IT IS A QUESTION. I can only think of one birthday party I've gone to where siblings weren't invited. I have twins who are the same gender and have been in class with everyone at their private school at this point. I get invitations addressed to ME. The one time I sent just the twin who was in the class with the birthday child to the party I got asked why I hadn't brought the other one since they were both invited. So now I ask. I always explain that I'm fine if they're not both invited and twin in the class with the birthday child will be there regardless, but I still ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You know what's tricky? Some siblings ARE invited, but some aren't. We genuinely socialize as a group with some families, and the siblings are close in age, etc. Or my cousin is welcome to bring all 4 of her kids, because that's family.

So I can't make some blanket "no sibling" statement when some siblings are invited.

I'm just frustrated because the people asking are all daycare folks we don't know well at all. But they all have my contact info, and I don't get why they couldn't ask PRIVATELY.

We had an evite that said something like "Due to venue limitations, No siblings please (except the invited siblings)". Probably sounded tacky. Our child plays with those siblings and we wanted to invite them. We were open to siblings if we had less RSVPs so asked anyone to reach out if necessary. We would have actually accomodated if anyone asked us privately, but just couldn't make it an open invitation for siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a perfect example of lack of empathy. The inability to put yourself in anyone else's situation. To the person who believes that in two parent households, they are most likely both at home every weekend. Maybe in your social circle, however, not in the real world. It may be difficult to imagine what it is like to have to decline every invite because of lack of child care. It is not rude to ask a question, many parents (apparently not on DCUM!) are very straightforward with a response. Again, typical DCUM thread. Get over yourself.

Well, this goes both ways now, doesn't it?

It is rude to ask, and it is rude to bring extras, OP. These people have no manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

You have never heard of drop off?