If you're going to be rude and ask if a sibling can attend the birthday party

[Anonymous]

Say no if no is your answer. Don't assume the very worst of someone because they ask a question. It's a question. It's a question. Say, yes or no. Asking a question is not rude --- however, when is it ever OK to bring other people along to an invited event? ahhh never. So -try- not to ask dumb questions.

[Anonymous]

DCUM seems somewhat divorced from my real life on this topic. At both of my kids’ schools, siblings have either been invited to every party or a vague invitation has later been clarified to include siblings (probably in response to someone asking, but not me). Kids are young so things might change as they’re older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

then decline the invite, but don't be rude and make the host pay for one more child because you don't want to pay for babysitting.

This thread is not about "making" the host do anything. It is about asking a question. The host can say no.

If an invitation doesn’t work for you, then the polite response is to decline. (Same applies if think the party is dumb or a waste of your time - please RSVP your regrets.)

Asking the host to invite more people or otherwise change the event to accommodate you is classless. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are few different things entwined in the problem and it is not matter of rude or not rude
but just matter of being able to find some common ground and make it easier and enjoyable
on everyone:

1. Hosting parents often have limited budget.
2. Invited parents often have more then one children and also limited budget and options
for childcare.

To solve it there are few civilized options and there is no one size fits all

1. Demanding on a hosting parent to pay for anyone and everyone is not the matter
of rudeness, it is lack of ability to understand that not everyone can afford
extra child to be hosted. If they could they most likely would invite more BDay
child.

2. While nobody can educate the whole world to those simple two sides
of the story that not everyone can afford to pay extra and not everyone
can just leave kid behind this needs to be worked on case by case situation.

3. If you are a host - always spell upfront what the rules are so the people
ho have extra kids and no founds or option to store them elsewhere will have option.
Just say on the invitation what those rules are:
- are they welcome?
- or not?
- or they are but the parents will be responsible for the extra fees caused by this

4. If you are a invitee, you need to realize that b.day party is like going
to the movies, it is not free, every extra child cost extra so imposing
this charge on the unsuspecting host is not exact fair, unless of course
they spelled it upfront. You should not only ask if it is okay to bring
extra child but also be ready to offer to cover the extra cost.

5. Not all parents want to have the younger sibling in the mix during
the event. Not all older kids like other little kids participating because
this frankly might ruin the whole event for the celebrant.
The B. Kid is who it is about and this should be respected.

6. There is always or most of the time a drop off option so for those
who have extra kids, they can just drop off and leave, go to the store
next door etc. Use t his option instead of making it difficult on everyone
if you can not afford to pay for your little one and if they host family
is not wealthy enough to invite the whole world and pay for them.

I agree with all your points but especially #5. Having younger (or older) siblings there can change the dynamic. There are the parents who think it’s adorable that their 3 year old is “playing with the big kids” in the soccer game or whatever activity it is, but it’s not. Same with older kids who can take over and dominate. Or the parents who use the opportunity to socialize and don’t watch their younger child and the host is left to look after the kid (happened to me when the mom had to take a work call outside for 30 minutes and I was left to watch her daughter while I was supposed to be serving food and cake. This was for a 7 year old’s party and drop off was stated on the invitation). I’m excluding siblings not because I care that much about serving an extra slice of cake or a goody bag, but because my son wants *his* friends at his party—not his friend’s 3 year old sister or another friend’s 10 year old brother.

FWIW, I do always pay extra for the envelope lining on Evite where you can put the invited child’s name and before that was an option I paid for Paperless Post. I also put the invited child’s name instead of the parent’s name or email address. That wasn’t clear enough so I started including “unfortunately we are unable to accommodate siblings due to space limitations”. I *still* got multiple requests asking if siblings could come. I felt like the a**hole saying no, but if I said yes to one I’d have to say yes to them all and that would change the dynamic of the party. I offered to provide a ride if that was the issue (it was a drop off party) and I got a few responses that thanked me but that wasn’t the issue—their kids get upset when one goes to a party and the other can’t. Uh, sorry, get a handle on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say no if no is your answer. Don't assume the very worst of someone because they ask a question. It's a question. It's a question. Say, yes or no. Asking a question is not rude --- however, when is it ever OK to bring other people along to an invited event? ahhh never. So -try- not to ask dumb questions.

Asking the host to change their event to be more convenient for you is rude.

Something else to consider: I have a kindergartener. She has 2 younger siblings and when we planned her party, one thing she wanted was for the day just for her and her friends. We celebrate as a family, but we didn’t want to force her to share her friend party with her 2 year old and 6 month old brothers. More importantly we didn’t want to limit the activities to something for 2 year olds. For two hours I wanted her to get to do something she wanted with her friends.

I would have been pissed if some jerk mom had shown up with her toddlers after we went through the trouble of trying to give my kid some baby free time on her freakin birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say no if no is your answer. Don't assume the very worst of someone because they ask a question. It's a question. It's a question. Say, yes or no. Asking a question is not rude --- however, when is it ever OK to bring other people along to an invited event? ahhh never. So -try- not to ask dumb questions.

NP. Ask your dumb question P-R-I-V-A-T-E-L-Y, do you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM seems somewhat divorced from my real life on this topic. At both of my kids’ schools, siblings have either been invited to every party or a vague invitation has later been clarified to include siblings (probably in response to someone asking, but not me). Kids are young so things might change as they’re older.

So anyway, ask PRIVATELY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think that your child's birthday party is a great time, however, no other parent is really wants to be there. No parent wants to pay for a babysitter for other siblings so one child can attend.

This. If you’re going to bar me bringing my younger child, AND it’s not a drop off party, we aren’t coming. Nothing personal that just doesn’t work for my family. So please be explicit.

No one wants you there with extra kids. DECLINE THE INVITATION. IT'S THAT BUTTON RIGHT THERE. Done.

It's "explicit" enough if Bobby Sue is in a Kindergarten class with Tommy. Baby Larla is not part of this friend equation. It already IS explicit for anyone with two brain cells to rub together.

And if you have a dumbass question? Text/email/call the host, don't put it on blast on evite. That's how evite #METOO shyt starts.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I feel your pain op. I’m sorry! Unless you are a single parent or really can’t find another way, DONT BRING OR ASK TO BRING SIBLINGS!

[Anonymous]

For us, it’s not the cost of extra kids. It’s that we don’t want 90 toddlers ransacking an otherwise well planned bigger kid party at our home. If you need to bring a herd, just rsvp no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us, it’s not the cost of extra kids. It’s that we don’t want 90 toddlers ransacking an otherwise well planned bigger kid party at our home. If you need to bring a herd, just rsvp no!

If it’s at your home why is there any issue? Shouldn’t it just be drop off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say no if no is your answer. Don't assume the very worst of someone because they ask a question. It's a question. It's a question. Say, yes or no. Asking a question is not rude --- however, when is it ever OK to bring other people along to an invited event? ahhh never. So -DO NOT - ask rude questions.

Fixed that for you, since you seem to be incapable of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if you have a dumbass question? Text/email/call the host, don't put it on blast on evite. That's how evite #METOO shyt starts.

LOL +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us, it’s not the cost of extra kids. It’s that we don’t want 90 toddlers ransacking an otherwise well planned bigger kid party at our home. If you need to bring a herd, just rsvp no!

If it’s at your home why is there any issue? Shouldn’t it just be drop off?

Parents can drop off or hang out & eat/drink. We have a family friend whose toddler is an unsupervised hellion who will literally ruin a whole party while trashing our home. Sorry, I don’t want to deal with that kid in particular. It’s kids/parents like that who ruin it for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is part of the reason why we no longer those types of "event" birthday parties. ITA, that is rude. The invite was for x child because the kid is friends with x not with the sibling. Why do people insinuate their other children into these birthday parties. It's like inviting yourself to a party you were not invited to.

People bring siblings because they don’t have other childcare.
I have never had a parent ask to bring a sibling to a drop off party.

If you can’t accommodate siblings at all, then tell the person asking that you can’t have Larlo’s brother there, but you will keep an eye on Larlo during the party.