I just found out my boyfriend is super wealthy, and I don't know how to handle it

[Anonymous]

Op , you should share this with your friends. They will tell you what everyone here is saying. You are being scammed.

He is also probably married.

[Anonymous]

You were introduced by mutual friends and they didn't tell you he was LOADED? Mmmmkaaayyy

[Anonymous]

So many red flags.

[Anonymous]

I now need to lose 15 lbs and be tanner and more...trophy-like. I also have no idea what to buy him for Christmas because what do you buy the person who is literally buying themselves a new Tesla for Christmas - "Oh here babe I got you a nice steering wheel cover to keep your hands warm in your gajillion dollar car"

Also he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and how do I even answer that?! I'd been saving for a Cartier watch, but I now I feel like it'd be gold-diggery of me to mention I'd been saving up for one.... but if I didn't know he had all that money, I would have had no problem joking that he should buy me the watch (and assume that I wouldn't get it)

I am very wealthy and married someone in the same circle. However before him, I dated someone who came from blue collar parents. To answer your questions:

1. He likes you as you are. If you want to lose weight to be healthy, do it. Don't try to be a trophy wife. If he wanted a trophy wife he'd have gotten someone 10 years younger than you. He likes you the way you are.

2. Buy him something for Christmas that shows you listen to him. The best present my ex boyfriend got me? After my beloved dog died, he took 12 pictures of her and had a calendar made where each month had a different pic of her. Maybe it cost $50? I don't know. The sentimentality was what moved me. He also once rescued an animal in my name. He also cooked my favorite meal for me. You don't have to be rich to knock it out of the park, gift-wise.

3. Do NOT joke about a Cartier watch. Tell him you want cashmere socks. A fancy candle that you'd never buy for yourself. Fancy salts. Things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anything has to change just because you found out that he is “rich.” This should not even matter. Buy him what you would have had you not know about his finances. Do not tell him you want a Cartier watch!!!! Ask for what you would have asked him for before you knew about his finances. Act as if his money is not yours. Because it isn’t yours.

+1. You don’t treat it any differently than any long distance relationship with a 35 year old divorced guy
- make sure he is really unmarried and the basics of what he has told you are true - just because you meet family and friends doesn’t mean he is divorced
- don’t move to him unless you are engaged
- don’t change yourself to be with a guy
- make sure you are on the same page about kids/no kids
- make sure you have similar values about life and what’s important
- always have your own money
- continue to be confident in yourself

The fact he has money doesn’t change anything other than assume he will want a prenup if he gets married and you would be giving up a six figure job to move to him and “travel the world”.

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t this an episode of 90210?

[Anonymous]

Don't get ahead of yourself. You have met up a few times and just started to discuss your relationship, you aren't his trophy wife.

Stay grounded, your head is already up in the clouds of what could be. That will be a turn off for him.

Ask for the same things you would have asked for. Realize that for him money doesn't mean anything so you want to give a gift that will have some meaning / significance. The cost is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was introduced to a man through mutual friends - 35/divorced/lives in Florida. (I'm 32/never married.) We hit it off and started dating, and since he travels a lot for work, he's come up to DC a few times, and we've gone to NYC together once. Things are going really well - he's smart and kind and I honestly didn't think guys like him existed. Okay. Enough being sappy.

I always figured he was financially comfortable because of how he dressed and his job and the hotel he picked in NYC, but I sort of assumed we were on the same level. (I'm in consulting and make very low six-figures - I'm comfortable but nothing obscene for this area.)

But this weekend, we had the big "define the relationship" talk about where our future could go (since we are meeting families this holiday season), and he was honest about his financial situation. He's more than financially comfortable - he has a vacation home in Palm Beach and an apartment in West Village and owns the southern equivalent of INOVA. He apologized for not being up front about everything, but I guess women in the past had been more into the money than him. He said he hopes I'll end up moving to Florida and in the next few years once he finds people to run his businesses for him, we can travel full-time.

I just...I feel like this is a dream come true situation since I love him... but part of me now feels suspicious of dating a really rich guy. I'm a pretty girl, but I am not the kind of pretty girl that dates millionaires. I almost wish I never knew about the money because then I wouldn't be stressing that I now need to lose 15 lbs and be tanner and more...trophy-like. I also have no idea what to buy him for Christmas because what do you buy the person who is literally buying themselves a new Tesla for Christmas - "Oh here babe I got you a nice steering wheel cover to keep your hands warm in your gajillion dollar car"

Also he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and how do I even answer that?! I'd been saving for a Cartier watch, but I now I feel like it'd be gold-diggery of me to mention I'd been saving up for one.... but if I didn't know he had all that money, I would have had no problem joking that he should buy me the watch (and assume that I wouldn't get it)

I just feel like I need someone to talk to about all this, but I don't trust my friends since they'll all gossip about it lol

How long have you been dating OP? How long have you been exclusive?

Absolutely, positively NO to the tanner. Just no - the epitome of cheap looking.

[Anonymous]

Also, how many times has he been divorced? Do you know what he pays his ex wives? How many kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was introduced to a man through mutual friends - 35/divorced/lives in Florida. (I'm 32/never married.) We hit it off and started dating, and since he travels a lot for work, he's come up to DC a few times, and we've gone to NYC together once. Things are going really well - he's smart and kind and I honestly didn't think guys like him existed. Okay. Enough being sappy.

I always figured he was financially comfortable because of how he dressed and his job and the hotel he picked in NYC, but I sort of assumed we were on the same level. (I'm in consulting and make very low six-figures - I'm comfortable but nothing obscene for this area.)

But this weekend, we had the big "define the relationship" talk about where our future could go (since we are meeting families this holiday season), and he was honest about his financial situation. He's more than financially comfortable - he has a vacation home in Palm Beach and an apartment in West Village and owns the southern equivalent of INOVA. He apologized for not being up front about everything, but I guess women in the past had been more into the money than him. He said he hopes I'll end up moving to Florida and in the next few years once he finds people to run his businesses for him, we can travel full-time.

I just...I feel like this is a dream come true situation since I love him... but part of me now feels suspicious of dating a really rich guy. I'm a pretty girl, but I am not the kind of pretty girl that dates millionaires. I almost wish I never knew about the money because then I wouldn't be stressing that I now need to lose 15 lbs and be tanner and more...trophy-like. I also have no idea what to buy him for Christmas because what do you buy the person who is literally buying themselves a new Tesla for Christmas - "Oh here babe I got you a nice steering wheel cover to keep your hands warm in your gajillion dollar car"

Also he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and how do I even answer that?! I'd been saving for a Cartier watch, but I now I feel like it'd be gold-diggery of me to mention I'd been saving up for one.... but if I didn't know he had all that money, I would have had no problem joking that he should buy me the watch (and assume that I wouldn't get it)

I just feel like I need someone to talk to about all this, but I don't trust my friends since they'll all gossip about it lol

Oof. Red flags all over the place. Proceed with caution and I would not believe anything he says at this stage. That sentence bolded above would make me RUN. Have you heard of "love bombing"? Look it up. If you were my friend, I would tell you to be *very* careful. Something is fishy. Sorry, this sets off my narcissist radar.

+1

I have to agree. BTDT. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you went to NYC and stayed in a hotel even though he has a place in West Village he is still married.

Absolutely.

Step 1: Google him.

Step 2: google his ex wife.


Dude is married, for sure.

Yes you need to google him.

If it's real, you don't need to change anything about yourself.

[Anonymous]

So, how does a 35 year old own a hospital conglomerate in the south, yet apparently still has living family? i.e., the only way this makes sense is if he inherited it, so are his parents still alive? And what hospital systems are privately held by one person?

This reminds me of the Dirty John podcast. And lots of other stories about women buying unlikely stories about men. If he tells you he had to change his name and cannot tell you his background because he was in the CIA, it's totally a scam.

[Anonymous]

Stay on Tinder. Don't quit your job. And ask for the gd Cartier.

[Anonymous]

A couple things come to mind. First, you are really stupid for outing him, in detail, here. Second, consider that he might be buying gifts for other girlfriends too, maybe?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like Dirty John!