Why don’t my parents listen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Speak for yourself then. How does your father dying have anything to do with OP? Don't project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

I’m very sorry to hear about your father. That is incredibly hard, I have lost a parent and know that grief. However, I know that you cannotvpit grief against rudeness and lack of boundaries. These parents are not ill, they are disrespect and rude and you cannot accept that behavior because I’ve day they may get sick, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

You are a complete doormat.

Nope, just have my priorities straight.

Because he won’t have friends because he cancels on them for hulls***
Years from now, birthday parties for special friends will be completely forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Which vid not OP’s situation, so what's your point?
Your obnoxiousness is losing you empathy points.

[Anonymous]

All prior commitments stay in place. If in early enough on Friday, I would arrange a dinner with them, and explain that is all you have time for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I told you that weekend doesn't work for us. I wish you'd listened when I told you I'd get back to you with an alternate date. You're welcome to come I guess, but we're going to be running around a lot.

And then don't cancel anything.

More like, I hope you purchased refundable tickets, as we won't be able to host you that weekend.

I get how parents like this can be so I would say something to the effect of:

“Tge kids have 2 birthday parties, a school event and a religious event on the schedule that weekend. The parties are drop off but if you come to visit that weekend, you will just tagging along to other events. There’s not enough time to plan anything else that weekend as we already have plans. Please change your flights to XX or YY weekend.”

If they come in the weekend you said you were unavailable, you have to stick to ALL the regular plans. Do not make your kids miss their friends birthday parties. You either set boundaries or you’re going to get be treated like a doormat forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Speak for yourself then. How does your father dying have anything to do with OP? Don't project.

Well, my parents are in their 50’s and they’re in good health. They expected me to drop everything for them when I was growing up and I have almost no childhood friends as a result. As an adult should I continue to prioritize my parents wants and work schedules over my own? Should I skip a religious holiday that’s important to my family because they don’t care about it?

See how annoying it is when someone projects their personal situation onto the OP?

( I mean if we’re being realistic, my parents could very well outlive me! They’re 20 years older than me and they led a very stress free life compared to me. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All prior commitments stay in place. If in early enough on Friday, I would arrange a dinner with them, and explain that is all you have time for.

This is what you have to do.

Also, Rosh Hashana is a big deal. Don’t cancel because your parents are being bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Speak for yourself then. How does your father dying have anything to do with OP? Don't project.

OP's post and specific question was: How would you handle?

That's how I'd handle, and why. But further, when you are able to look at the bigger picture, you place more importance on family than other crap. And finally, for the record, I never said the kids should miss anything. If it were me,
I'd make Friday night a great evening,
I'd share a big family breakfast Saturday morning,
I'd take both kids to their parties Saturday, and fit some visiting and fun in between,
I'd tell Mom and Dad to check into a nice hotel Sunday afternoon and plan a fun evening on their own
I'd tell them I cannot take them to the airport Monday because it's a religious holiday that I'll be spending with my family and inlaws.

Remove the sticks from your butts and be a little flexible. Life is too short to stress over one weekend.

That's how I'D handle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Speak for yourself then. How does your father dying have anything to do with OP? Don't project.

OP's post and specific question was: How would you handle?

That's how I'd handle, and why. But further, when you are able to look at the bigger picture, you place more importance on family than other crap. And finally, for the record, I never said the kids should miss anything. If it were me,
I'd make Friday night a great evening,
I'd share a big family breakfast Saturday morning,
I'd take both kids to their parties Saturday, and fit some visiting and fun in between,
I'd tell Mom and Dad to check into a nice hotel Sunday afternoon and plan a fun evening on their own
I'd tell them I cannot take them to the airport Monday because it's a religious holiday that I'll be spending with my family and inlaws.

Remove the sticks from your butts and be a little flexible. Life is too short to stress over one weekend.

That's how I'D handle!

Great idea! Be prepared for them to completely ignore your wishes/schedule for all future visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Speak for yourself then. How does your father dying have anything to do with OP? Don't project.

OP's post and specific question was: How would you handle?

That's how I'd handle, and why. But further, when you are able to look at the bigger picture, you place more importance on family than other crap. And finally, for the record, I never said the kids should miss anything. If it were me,
I'd make Friday night a great evening,
I'd share a big family breakfast Saturday morning,
I'd take both kids to their parties Saturday, and fit some visiting and fun in between,
I'd tell Mom and Dad to check into a nice hotel Sunday afternoon and plan a fun evening on their own
I'd tell them I cannot take them to the airport Monday because it's a religious holiday that I'll be spending with my family and inlaws.

Remove the sticks from your butts and be a little flexible. Life is too short to stress over one weekend.

That's how I'D handle!

Great idea! Be prepared for them to completely ignore your wishes/schedule for all future visits.

Got it! #noregrets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

Speak for yourself then. How does your father dying have anything to do with OP? Don't project.

OP's post and specific question was: How would you handle?

That's how I'd handle, and why. But further, when you are able to look at the bigger picture, you place more importance on family than other crap. And finally, for the record, I never said the kids should miss anything. If it were me,
I'd make Friday night a great evening,
I'd share a big family breakfast Saturday morning,
I'd take both kids to their parties Saturday, and fit some visiting and fun in between,
I'd tell Mom and Dad to check into a nice hotel Sunday afternoon and plan a fun evening on their own
I'd tell them I cannot take them to the airport Monday because it's a religious holiday that I'll be spending with my family and inlaws.

Remove the sticks from your butts and be a little flexible. Life is too short to stress over one weekend.

That's how I'D handle!

Where in the world is Op’s Focus NOT on family?
Her FAMILY had plans
Her parents ignored her FAMILY’S wishes
Maybe OP’s FAMILY does not have the bandwidth for a big dinner on Friday or the energy to cook breakfast on Saturday morning. Are you volunteering to help?
And if p parents ignored FAMILY’S wishes from the jump, what the heck do you think they will do when they get there???

[Anonymous]

I am wound tell them that you do not think that weekend will work (again), that you have little time for them and then give them a weekend that will work. I wonder if in the past you have said you will find a weekend and then don’t. Or maybe they were afraid ticket prices would rise after Labor day. Or maybe they just do not listen. But I think they will be more willing to listen if you give them an alternative date.

[Anonymous]

My ILs fail to listen like this. The problem is that it’s unlikely that the problem with the dates is the not the only thing they will choose not to hear. They will get upset with OP for not being able to go to dinner when they want or whatever because they won’t listen to her about any of that either. “We came all the way here and we’ve barely seen the girls!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

NP here. I agree with PP. sorry about your father but your situation has nothing to do with OP and the guilt trip and self reflection is very holier than thou. Not helpful.