Why don’t my parents listen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

Just no. I think parents don't realize how much young families have on their plates. there won't be time for big breakfasts- they'll be with the inlaws! This is the inlaw's holiday.

[Anonymous]

I’d let them know that you’re not changing your plans. I’d offer them dates that work better, and tell them you hope they’ll change their tickets, but if they don’t, they’ll just have to amuse themselves while you’re at the planned events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

Just no. I think parents don't realize how much young families have on their plates. there won't be time for big breakfasts- they'll be with the inlaws! This is the inlaw's holiday.

Actually they’ll probably be in synagogue. It’s not a breakfast kind of holiday.

OP, stick to your schedule. And tell them in advance they can either move their visit or work around your events. Very rude of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d let them know that you’re not changing your plans. I’d offer them dates that work better, and tell them you hope they’ll change their tickets, but if they don’t, they’ll just have to amuse themselves while you’re at the planned events.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

PP, you clearly mean well, but do you really think young kids are going to be up for museum visits in between parties, and then a calm restaurant dinner? They're going to be exhausted messes.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else. They’re ridiculous and rude. If you let them do this, if you cancel and cater to them, this will only be the beginning.

[Anonymous]

What is with these grandparents? Are they baby boomers? I am not from here, I am from Europe and for all grandparents watching the kids all the time, I have never encountered this, and yet dcum is full of examples of nuts grandparents. No, don't be thrilled they are excited to spend the time with you, because this is not about you at all, this is about them, what they want, and they mowed you over. Something else is at work here, they must be one of those jealous or competitive control freaks. Are your ILS near? Were some activities with them? It is either establishing their "dominance" towards your ILS, resenting your kids being Jewish, or something different, but it is not awesome, or "honey, we just want to spend time with you and the kids..." You know them, what is their motive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

Just no. I think parents don't realize how much young families have on their plates. there won't be time for big breakfasts- they'll be with the inlaws! This is the inlaw's holiday.

Rude parents are coming for weekend - Saturday and Sunday, right? Holiday starts Sunday evening and plans with inlaws are through Monday. I didn't read OP's post to mean inlaws are there all weekend, but if that's the case then my answer would change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

Just no. I think parents don't realize how much young families have on their plates. there won't be time for big breakfasts- they'll be with the inlaws! This is the inlaw's holiday.

Rude parents are coming for weekend - Saturday and Sunday, right? Holiday starts Sunday evening and plans with inlaws are through Monday. I didn't read OP's post to mean inlaws are there all weekend, but if that's the case then my answer would change.

OP says parents are arriving Friday evening and leaving Monday evening. They expect all plans between those days to be cancelled, including those with the in laws for Rosh Hashanah.

[Anonymous]

Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with these grandparents? Are they baby boomers? I am not from here, I am from Europe and for all grandparents watching the kids all the time, I have never encountered this, and yet dcum is full of examples of nuts grandparents. No, don't be thrilled they are excited to spend the time with you, because this is not about you at all, this is about them, what they want, and they mowed you over. Something else is at work here, they must be one of those jealous or competitive control freaks. Are your ILS near? Were some activities with them? It is either establishing their "dominance" towards your ILS, resenting your kids being Jewish, or something different, but it is not awesome, or "honey, we just want to spend time with you and the kids..." You know them, what is their motive?

I too am from Europe and I agree with you. It's common where I come from for grandparents to be very involved - in order to help! These people are most definitely NOT trying to help OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d let them know that you’re not changing your plans. I’d offer them dates that work better, and tell them you hope they’ll change their tickets, but if they don’t, they’ll just have to amuse themselves while you’re at the planned events.

This.

Yes this but no to hosting them also with all that was going on. Honestly I would have blown a gasket. That kind of pushy behavior says your life doesn't matter only ours does. I would put a stop to it before it gets worse. I think it also says something about your parents' opinion on your conversion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them some other options now and tell them you hope it’s not too much trouble to change the reservation. If they insist on coming anyway, do not cancel plans. Why punish your kids friends because your parents are jerks? Maybe next time they will listen to you! But I do think you waited too long to get back to them, clearly their behavior didn’t start like this overnight.

OP waited too long to get back to them? They called last Saturday and emailed last night saying they booked tickets - that's 3 days!

She told them that weekend doesn't work.

Yeah, nothing in the first conversation indicated that weekend was OK. The "You waited too long" line is pure smokescreen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

You are a complete doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let them come and rather than harp on "well, we need to do this and this and this" make it more like:

I'm so excited to go to the museum. Let's plan it for 2pm, right after we return from bday party 1. Then you and Dad can go to the movies, or even better, take a nap, while we quickly run to bday party 2. Then we'll have a great dinner at XYZ restaurant together.

Personally I think you should be thrilled they're so excited to spend time with you. When we have visitors, the best parts are having big breakfasts together and eating popcorn and playing board games right before bed. Make those memories.

Just no. I think parents don't realize how much young families have on their plates. there won't be time for big breakfasts- they'll be with the inlaws! This is the inlaw's holiday.

Rude parents are coming for weekend - Saturday and Sunday, right? Holiday starts Sunday evening and plans with inlaws are through Monday. I didn't read OP's post to mean inlaws are there all weekend, but if that's the case then my answer would change.

OP says parents are arriving Friday evening and leaving Monday evening. They expect all plans between those days to be cancelled, including those with the in laws for Rosh Hashanah.

Oh, I'm sorry, I did miss that detail. My answer would stay the same for Friday night through Sunday afternoon. I'd ask Mom and Dad to get a hotel for Sunday evening because you're committed to your religious holiday with inlaws and that cannot be changed. This way you've compromised and don't have to feel guilty at all.