Why don’t my parents listen?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone here actually said let them come and cancel your plans? It seems those that aren't opposed to allowing them have suggested to still do the activities as planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here actually said let them come and cancel your plans? It seems those that aren't opposed to allowing them have suggested to still do the activities as planned.

There have been posters (one in particular early on) who thought OP’s family should dash through the birthday parties and pack the schedule to overflowing to make time for the uninvited grandparents.

[Anonymous]

The title of your post is "why don't my parents listen?"

Sounds to me like this isn't the first time boundaries have been crossed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone here actually said let them come and cancel your plans? It seems those that aren't opposed to allowing them have suggested to still do the activities as planned.

There have been posters (one in particular early on) who thought OP’s family should dash through the birthday parties and pack the schedule to overflowing to make time for the uninvited grandparents.

That's not cancelling - that's compromising. But whatever.

[Anonymous]

I am strangely vested in this thread. OP how did the weekend go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - everyone answering must have very young families to stress over such little matters. My son is 8, my father is dying. I'd cancel pretty much anything to have him visit. I know your parents aren't dying so I hate to be so dramatic, but there has to be some understanding.

This is such horseshit. While I'm sorry for your situation, it's got nothing to do with this, and using guilt to get your way is the classic example of the boundary challenged. You need some self-reflection.

You are very weird. I'm not using guilt. I'm saying I have priorities in check because of my immediate situation. Relax.

NP here. You are the weird one. This has NOTHING to do with your father. You have made this all about you. You think you have sage advice to give because of what you are going through when in reality you re playing the lets compete based on suffering. You win. Here's you cookie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While they were very rude to proceed with booking a weekend you said was bad--inexcusably so--OP was rude for not getting back to them within 24-48 hours.

It takes no longer than 48 hours, TOPS, to look at your calendar (which should be up to date; hello, it's the digital age), and propose a few sets of dates for your spouse to confirm. This can all happen within a few hours, and there's really no excuse why you can't get it done in a timely manner.

I bet if your boss asked you about dates, you'd have an answer faster. If you CAN get it done for your boss, you CAN get it done for your family; who should be more important to you than your boss.

Exactly! Why so slow OP? Did you just not want them to visit at all and they called your bluff?

Doesn’t explain why they picked that eeekend, though.

They shouldn't have. But in the absence of a plan, they made a plan. In the absence of information, they made a decision. I agree, that's ridiculous. But...it's not unheard of for old people to lose patience, panic/anxiety over stuff like travel, and make an irrational move like this. Depending on age, fitness, mental capacity, etc. ... yeah, you kind of have to treat old people with special care, and give them extra consideration.

In a lot of cases this has nothing to do with age. My mom is one of these types. She used to book her plans to visit me without talking to me. My brothers would make arrangements for her to come stay with me for months and plan things without my input. I have always been treated this way. My mother would ruin any event or outing we tried to do that she didn't want to. My kids had a wonderful preschool teacher who had invited us over to lunch and my mother was non stop rude to this woman. That teacher was an amazing person - one of the best people I knew and my mom was so rude, it changed our relationship. I had to let my brothers know that if they did it again, I would refuse to pick her up from the airport or answer my door. I would never tolerate this.