Parents being pushy about staying at our new house

[Anonymous]

100% the OP is not a man, and I'm asking Jeff to investigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did your mom say to your wife that was so hurtful?

I don't get the idea that they would buy or give you a bed...when your goal is to not have them stay with you. It seems counterproductive.

If your mother is actually mean - then deal with that. You tell her.

Mom - remember how you made those comments to Sarah about how she was fat as a whale and ate like a football team - those commented were pretty hurtful and it would be uncomfortable to have you in the house all the time. There is a great hotel just a block away and that way if things get tense or if anyone is uncomfortable then we have separate spaces to go back to. If down, the road, we have a better relationship with you, then we can revisit this.

Yep, don't pussyfoot around about it. You admit your mom said shitty things to your wife. There are consequences for that, which is that its too uncomfortable to stay under the same roof.

Team DW

[Anonymous]

I posted before and want to add if your parents don’t get to stay either do hers. My MIL is the difficult one and I schedule appointments out. I could not handle her staying here when my kids were born and insisted on a hotel. That’s the only time. To be fair, my parents also had to stay at a hotel during that time. We had a strict no company rule for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to let them stay with you. It’s just a weekend. You need to get up early and stay up late and entertain them. Your wife needs to make some token appearances but should make herself scarce. Schedule a haircut, get her nails done, meet a friend for brunch one day and a friend for dinner or drinks the other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both you and your wife are horrible people. Speaks volumes of you both.

Staying for a weekend in your new house is nbd. A week or two might be grating for anyone. Nut not a long weekend once or twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both you and your wife are horrible people. Speaks volumes of you both.

Staying for a weekend in your new house is nbd. A week or two might be grating for anyone. Nut not a long weekend once or twice a year.

Maybe it’s NBD for you to have in-laws for a wknd but it is for some. I personally don’t think in-law status or even blood relation, for that matter, is any excuse to allow ppl to treat you poorly. There are consequences for bad behavior and they apply to everyone, IMHO. I think it’s NBD to ask in-laws to stay at a hotel.

[Anonymous]

I don't want my parents to stay at our house so I suggested they get us a bed so they can stay in our house? Make it make sense OP.

[Anonymous]

So your wife doesn’t like your mom because she got offended by comments that you yourself admit your mom probably thought we’re innocent? They can’t have been actually nasty then. So your wife is taking things personally and neither of you is alerting your mom that she’s unwittingly offending your wife? FFS, tell her! You and your wife are both being immature. And I agree with all the other PPs that you can’t have your mom buy you a guest bed, and then tell her she’s never allowed to use it! Are you for real? smdh

[Anonymous]

Your wife is mean.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am going to go with team DW/DH on this one. Its incredibly rude to insist on staying in someone's house when the host has already said no. It shows a huge lack of boundaries on the part of your mother. She can afford to stay in a hotel, it is nearby and you have told her it doesn't work for you to host them. A respectful family member would book the hotel not demand to stay. Its also a red flag when the person being told no starts arguing with whatever reason the person saying no said.

I'm a happy host and we host people all the time. My MIL comes about every 6 weeks and it is never a problem. Same goes for extended family and friends. I have learned though to never host people during times of stress and upheaval. New baby - no way. Just moved in - no way. In fact, when we moved into our 1st house years ago we agreed to host MIL and SIL the first month after we moved in. It was a nightmare, To them it was a project to get to place house. They wanted to go shopping for things, had constant opinions on what we should do and drove us crazy. They were excited and thought it would be fun to do this and had zero listening skills to when we said no. Once our house was set up they went back to behaving like normal guests and everything is fine.

It sounds like this is exactly what your mother has plans and your wife is smart to say no way.

Just call your mother back and tell her that hosting her does not work. If she protests, just repeat and cancel the visit if you have to cancel it. It is perfectly fine to not want to host someone to stay overnight. The problem with pushy people is that when they hear a no and are successful getting the other person to give in then they just become that much more emboldened to be even pushier the next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want my parents to stay at our house so I suggested they get us a bed so they can stay in our house? Make it make sense OP.

Yeah, this made NO sense. You say you want to back up your wife, but then you try to wring a new bed out of your parents? So they can...NOT stay in that bed? This makes NO sense.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your mom is pushy, doesn’t respect boundaries or pick up a hint. I can understand why your wife doesn’t want her in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want my parents to stay at our house so I suggested they get us a bed so they can stay in our house? Make it make sense OP.

Yeah, this made NO sense. You say you want to back up your wife, but then you try to wring a new bed out of your parents? So they can...NOT stay in that bed? This makes NO sense.

I dunno. It’s the type of crappy logic my husband would use. Just to temporarily get out of a conflict. Even if it makes things way worse later.

[Anonymous]

If your parents can't stay NEITHER can hers.

You can't play favorites, if she wants it this way then she can't have her parents stay either.

Either they all can or none can.

[Anonymous]

Your wife can't handle one night or weekend with your parents? That's pretty sad.