Parents being pushy about staying at our new house

[Anonymous]

My wife and I bought our first home a few months ago. My parents (who live about 6 hours away), are coming down to see the house for the first time. My wife isn't a big fan of my mom, so DW has made it clear that my parents won't be staying at our house, which I'm fine with. My mom asked about staying over at our house, and the conversation went something like this:


Mom: Can we stay over at your house?
Me: Well, we don't have a bed in the guest room yet, and you probably wouldn't be comfortable sleeping on the couch.
Mom: Oh, that's okay! We can bring a rollaway bed, or a sleeping bag.

Eventually, the conversation moved to the fact that my mom said that they'd buy us some furniture as a housewarming gift, and it went like this.

Me: How about this, as your housewarming gift, we can pick out a trundle bed, and that way, in the future, you guys will have a place to stay here.
Mom: Well, if we buy a trundle bed while we're down there, it will take time to set up, and we'll have to get mattresses. We actually have a trundle bed here that we never took out of the box that we can bring down!
Me: How will you fit in it your car?
Mom: We'll bring the minivan!

Eventually, I told her that I had to go to end the conversation and that I'd call her back. Anyways, I'm not really sure how to handle this moving forward. I know my Mom, and she just isn't going to take no for an answer on this, but I know that what my wife wants is more important than what my mom wants, but how do I tell my mom "no," without saying, "Mom, DW hates you, and she doesn't want you guys staying here to limit our time together."

[Anonymous]

OP here with another tidbit: FWIW, money isn't really an issue with my parents, and there are several decent hotels (Marriott, Hilton, etc) around us between $90-$125 a night.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the bit about the trundle bed. You're not deterring her. You're actively inviting her to sleep at your house in the future.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is mean. You want to have a relationship with your parents to and love them. I think your wife could be kinder. She puts you in a difficult spot. Can’t you all get along, for a weekend?

[Anonymous]

I see both sides. Neither my parents or inlaws would stay in a hotel so that would be a nuclear decision if I were to bring that up. But we hate staying at their houses.

Does your wife like their used trundle bed? If she likes it, great. If she does't like it, say no, you want something different. Never blame any of this on your wife.

Sounds like you aren't on the same page as your wife though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the bit about the trundle bed. You're not deterring her. You're actively inviting her to sleep at your house in the future.

OP here: DW and I have talked about getting a trundle bed for the guest room regardless of my parents visiting. My thinking was that by telling my mom she can get us the bed as a gift, it gives me an out for why they can't stay here this time.

[Anonymous]

Both you and your wife are horrible people. Speaks volumes of you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the bit about the trundle bed. You're not deterring her. You're actively inviting her to sleep at your house in the future.

OP here: DW and I have talked about getting a trundle bed for the guest room regardless of my parents visiting. My thinking was that by telling my mom she can get us the bed as a gift, it gives me an out for why they can't stay here this time.

Major major ick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides. Neither my parents or inlaws would stay in a hotel so that would be a nuclear decision if I were to bring that up. But we hate staying at their houses.

Does your wife like their used trundle bed? If she likes it, great. If she does't like it, say no, you want something different. Never blame any of this on your wife.

Sounds like you aren't on the same page as your wife though.

OP here: It's not a used trundle bed; my parents were going to convert one of my brother's rooms into another guest room, so they bought the trundle bed, but they never took it out of the box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the bit about the trundle bed. You're not deterring her. You're actively inviting her to sleep at your house in the future.

OP here: DW and I have talked about getting a trundle bed for the guest room regardless of my parents visiting. My thinking was that by telling my mom she can get us the bed as a gift, it gives me an out for why they can't stay here this time.

You can't make fake excuses. You just say, "staying with us isn't going to be possible right now." Mom "but why" you- "it's just not possible at this time"

DH does that to me all the time. "Oh sorry we can't come to your wedding because we're still breastfeeding and kids aren't invited." Then the bride bends over backwards to make sure our kids are invited. Then DH has to squirm some saying the real reason is I'm sick and a few weeks postpartum. Just tell the truth and stop waffling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the bit about the trundle bed. You're not deterring her. You're actively inviting her to sleep at your house in the future.

OP here: DW and I have talked about getting a trundle bed for the guest room regardless of my parents visiting. My thinking was that by telling my mom she can get us the bed as a gift, it gives me an out for why they can't stay here this time.

You can't make fake excuses. You just say, "staying with us isn't going to be possible right now." Mom "but why" you- "it's just not possible at this time"

DH does that to me all the time. "Oh sorry we can't come to your wedding because we're still breastfeeding and kids aren't invited." Then the bride bends over backwards to make sure our kids are invited. Then DH has to squirm some saying the real reason is I'm sick and a few weeks postpartum. Just tell the truth and stop waffling.

This x1000

[Anonymous]

In this case, I don’t think that it’s as clear as you say that your wife’s opinion is the most important. Buying a house with a guest room and then not letting your parents stay in it is a pretty extreme position and you don’t just have to cave to it because it is your wife’s.

[Anonymous]

As I invest my energy into nurturing my sons, it makes me wonder if it's worthwhile to pour all my tears and sweat into assholes like you who won't even tolerate me for a weekend. Seriously, people. Be kind to your parents!

[Anonymous]

Just get a queen air mattress and done. She may not like them but they are your parents. Your wife shouldn't destroy your relationship with them. Guess what.. how you treat your parents is how your kids will treat you when they are married and in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I invest my energy into nurturing my sons, it makes me wonder if it's worthwhile to pour all my tears and sweat into assholes like you who won't even tolerate me for a weekend. Seriously, people. Be kind to your parents!

Make sure you're kind to your future DILs.