Unexpected parts of becoming a SAHM to small kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Little children need stability, competence and love.
It’s worth the sacrifice to give your own children what they *need*.

Little children can also get stability, competence, and love from a quality daycare provider or nanny. That can't be the only reason a parent decides to SAH.

-- signed, a SAHM

Perhaps they “can”, but we all know the reality....
Let’s be honest here.

Providing your children what they need - is a major reason why many families make the sacrifice to live on one income.

I would have said this before having kids. I grew up with a SAHM who was very against women working when they have kids. She made it very clear that women who work are choosing money over giving their kids love and that staying home is always better.

Now that I’ve had children and have experienced watching nannies with kids, sending a kid to daycare, raising my own kids, etc, I’m not convinced that one way is better than the other. There are bad nannies and there are bad moms. There are pros and cons to each arrangement. If you stay home it should be for you. Unfortunately, you may be in for a disappointment later if you really think staying home was some tremendous benefit to your child. I mean go and watch kids at a decent daycare (if you were allowed to do so). You’d be shocked how happy they look. They don’t look any happier or unhappeir than kids at the playground with SAHMs.

All studies also support this.

Ladies, stay home for yourselves if you must, but stop pretending it's benefiting your kids.

Ehh. Not all situations are equal. Lots of childcare providers are excellent, but many are not. If you have the choice to work or not and the choice of provider, your kids will likely be fine. We should concern ourselves with those of us who have few choices and childcare situations that are far from ideal. Because those situations are plentiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP with a very difficult baby who is now a difficult baby-toddler. I SAH. There have been a number of days over the past 17 months DH has come home and I have said if this child was watched by anyone other than me, his mother, he would have been left in a corner to cry while the caretaker checked out completely because he was just SO difficult. ALL DAY LONG. I used to work, there were days I used to phone it in. I can see how an easy-ish baby might fare the same in any childcare situation, but my child would definitely have gotten some phoned-in care very regularly if he was with a nanny or daycare. On those days I would remind myself that I am his mother, I can't phone it in, and I would regroup and find the energy to try to deal with whatever firestorm was currently happening. I can't imagine someone just doing a job would be able to do the same.

Another NP. I totally agree. I have two kids and both of them are very different personalities. They would not have been the happiest in daycare situation just because they are not good about following the schedule of the daycare.

Please. So many parents think they have a uniquely difficult child. Babies cry. Babies want to be held. You should fire your nanny if they leave your child to cry in a corrner.

[Anonymous]

I found being a SAHM to young children to be one of the most vibrant and social times of my life. That surprised me because during the early months, I felt isolated. It took time to meet other moms and create those connections. Eventually I had a solid network of other moms of kids my children's ages. We had playdates rotating in each others' homes, volunteered at the preschool events together, met up at the playground for Friday night pizza etc. and took turn watching each other's kids if one of us had a dentist or OB appt etc.

My kids are older now and many of my SAHM friends went back to school when the youngest was in kindergarten. There's fewer of us to meet up with now, and sports and music and other after school commitments has taken us all in different directions.

[Anonymous]

How much messier the house is.

I don’t get the loneliness. There are so many opportunities to socialize your child.

I have 3 kids and we are super busy. I hang out with the toddler during the day when big kids are at school. When big kids get home, we focus on big kids sports and activities.

I can’t wait to take my daughter to toddler dance.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I think it depends on your personality. I’m very social and have always made play dates and mom friends. I did this when I was working and now that I’m home full time. I have both SAHM and working mom friends.

[Anonymous]

It surprised me how little gets done around the house each day even though I feel like I’m constantly in motion. I thought it’d be so much easier to do laundry, clean, cook, organize stuff, etc since I’m here all the time. I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if I was trying to do all this and still working too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP with a very difficult baby who is now a difficult baby-toddler. I SAH. There have been a number of days over the past 17 months DH has come home and I have said if this child was watched by anyone other than me, his mother, he would have been left in a corner to cry while the caretaker checked out completely because he was just SO difficult. ALL DAY LONG. I used to work, there were days I used to phone it in. I can see how an easy-ish baby might fare the same in any childcare situation, but my child would definitely have gotten some phoned-in care very regularly if he was with a nanny or daycare. On those days I would remind myself that I am his mother, I can't phone it in, and I would regroup and find the energy to try to deal with whatever firestorm was currently happening. I can't imagine someone just doing a job would be able to do the same.

Another NP. I totally agree. I have two kids and both of them are very different personalities. They would not have been the happiest in daycare situation just because they are not good about following the schedule of the daycare.

Please. So many parents think they have a uniquely difficult child. Babies cry. Babies want to be held. You should fire your nanny if they leave your child to cry in a corrner.

Spoken like someone with an easy kid! Count your blessings, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I think it depends on your personality. I’m very social and have always made play dates and mom friends. I did this when I was working and now that I’m home full time. I have both SAHM and working mom friends.

I posted earlier that I felt less lonely as a SAHM, and I thought it was because I wasn’t very social .
My work relationships never really seemed to go beyond work to the point I really felt like I had friends there. As a SAHM, I got to pick and choose who I hung out with. I often invited people to my home or went to their homes with not much to do but chat and watch the kids. Very personal and real friendships seemed to develop easily. Now that I’m back at work, it’s hard to make time to see friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Little children need stability, competence and love.
It’s worth the sacrifice to give your own children what they *need*.

Little children can also get stability, competence, and love from a quality daycare provider or nanny. That can't be the only reason a parent decides to SAH.

-- signed, a SAHM

Perhaps they “can”, but we all know the reality....
Let’s be honest here.

Providing your children what they need - is a major reason why many families make the sacrifice to live on one income.

I would have said this before having kids. I grew up with a SAHM who was very against women working when they have kids. She made it very clear that women who work are choosing money over giving their kids love and that staying home is always better.

Now that I’ve had children and have experienced watching nannies with kids, sending a kid to daycare, raising my own kids, etc, I’m not convinced that one way is better than the other. There are bad nannies and there are bad moms. There are pros and cons to each arrangement. If you stay home it should be for you. Unfortunately, you may be in for a disappointment later if you really think staying home was some tremendous benefit to your child. I mean go and watch kids at a decent daycare (if you were allowed to do so). You’d be shocked how happy they look. They don’t look any happier or unhappeir than kids at the playground with SAHMs.

All studies also support this.

Ladies, stay home for yourselves if you must, but stop pretending it's benefiting your kids.

Ehh. Not all situations are equal. Lots of childcare providers are excellent, but many are not. If you have the choice to work or not and the choice of provider, your kids will likely be fine. We should concern ourselves with those of us who have few choices and childcare situations that are far from ideal. Because those situations are plentiful.

Agree.
Most people hired to do childcare are not the good at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Little children need stability, competence and love.
It’s worth the sacrifice to give your own children what they *need*.

Little children can also get stability, competence, and love from a quality daycare provider or nanny. That can't be the only reason a parent decides to SAH.

-- signed, a SAHM

Perhaps they “can”, but we all know the reality....
Let’s be honest here.

Providing your children what they need - is a major reason why many families make the sacrifice to live on one income.

I would have said this before having kids. I grew up with a SAHM who was very against women working when they have kids. She made it very clear that women who work are choosing money over giving their kids love and that staying home is always better.

Now that I’ve had children and have experienced watching nannies with kids, sending a kid to daycare, raising my own kids, etc, I’m not convinced that one way is better than the other. There are bad nannies and there are bad moms. There are pros and cons to each arrangement. If you stay home it should be for you. Unfortunately, you may be in for a disappointment later if you really think staying home was some tremendous benefit to your child. I mean go and watch kids at a decent daycare (if you were allowed to do so). You’d be shocked how happy they look. They don’t look any happier or unhappeir than kids at the playground with SAHMs.

All studies also support this.

Ladies, stay home for yourselves if you must, but stop pretending it's benefiting your kids.

Ehh. Not all situations are equal. Lots of childcare providers are excellent, but many are not. If you have the choice to work or not and the choice of provider, your kids will likely be fine. We should concern ourselves with those of us who have few choices and childcare situations that are far from ideal. Because those situations are plentiful.

Agree.
Most people hired to do childcare are not the good at all.

that, not the

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest surprise is that I really don't feel any of the terrible things described on DCUM (or other places for that matter).

I'm not bored. I'm not lonely. I do not desperately miss adult-only interaction (although, I stay active with other parents). I get plenty of intellectual stimulation from listening to podcasts while doing chores or driving, and I'm more up-to-date on politics than my DH (who really SHOULD know more, for his job). I have plenty of hobbies. I alternate doing things the kids want (ie, sitting and playing), with outings (story time or playground or playdate) and my own interests (cooking, photography, fitness).

Literally the only reason I wish I were still working was so that I had more of an identity at adult-only parties, especially when talking to people who don't have kids. But, that alone would be a silly reason to stick my kids with a nanny and head back to work!

THIS!!
I am astounded by the assumptions people make about my " intellect" because I am a SAHM. I have two masters and tons of certifications in my field and I keep taking online courses and courses in the community college because I love learning. People then wonder why do I need to take more classes if I am not going back to work!!

You’ve had people suggest you are dumb or uneducated to your face? That has never happened to me even once. And I’m a SAHM too. Pretty much everyone says something positive when I tell them, some variation of aren’t you lucky, whether they mean it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Little children need stability, competence and love.
It’s worth the sacrifice to give your own children what they *need*.

Little children can also get stability, competence, and love from a quality daycare provider or nanny. That can't be the only reason a parent decides to SAH.

-- signed, a SAHM

Perhaps they “can”, but we all know the reality....
Let’s be honest here.

Providing your children what they need - is a major reason why many families make the sacrifice to live on one income.

I would have said this before having kids. I grew up with a SAHM who was very against women working when they have kids. She made it very clear that women who work are choosing money over giving their kids love and that staying home is always better.

Now that I’ve had children and have experienced watching nannies with kids, sending a kid to daycare, raising my own kids, etc, I’m not convinced that one way is better than the other. There are bad nannies and there are bad moms. There are pros and cons to each arrangement. If you stay home it should be for you. Unfortunately, you may be in for a disappointment later if you really think staying home was some tremendous benefit to your child. I mean go and watch kids at a decent daycare (if you were allowed to do so). You’d be shocked how happy they look. They don’t look any happier or unhappeir than kids at the playground with SAHMs.

All studies also support this.

Ladies, stay home for yourselves if you must, but stop pretending it's benefiting your kids.

Ehh. Not all situations are equal. Lots of childcare providers are excellent, but many are not. If you have the choice to work or not and the choice of provider, your kids will likely be fine. We should concern ourselves with those of us who have few choices and childcare situations that are far from ideal. Because those situations are plentiful.

Agree.
Most people hired to do childcare are not the good at all.

that, not the

Lol ok! You’ve convinced me.

[Anonymous]

OP you can solve the boredom/loneliness/resentment problem by finding a gym with daycare and hiring a regular babysitter and or part time nanny. I used to meet friends for lunch on their lunch breaks when I was sah.

[Anonymous]

How hard it was to find a person to babysit in the daytime so I didn't have to take my children to the doctor or dentist with me for my appointments.
How few other SAHM there were that I knew and could do things with.

the weird reaction I get from (mostly men) that I sit on various committees and boards with.

My husband is able to fully focus on work and that has made his career grow and income grow exponentially.

How much I love school delays for weather and snow days.

How much I loved being able to take my kids to visit my IL's for the entire summer on a farm.

How much I loved going to bed at 7:30 pm with my kids when my husband was on work travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP with a very difficult baby who is now a difficult baby-toddler. I SAH. There have been a number of days over the past 17 months DH has come home and I have said if this child was watched by anyone other than me, his mother, he would have been left in a corner to cry while the caretaker checked out completely because he was just SO difficult. ALL DAY LONG. I used to work, there were days I used to phone it in. I can see how an easy-ish baby might fare the same in any childcare situation, but my child would definitely have gotten some phoned-in care very regularly if he was with a nanny or daycare. On those days I would remind myself that I am his mother, I can't phone it in, and I would regroup and find the energy to try to deal with whatever firestorm was currently happening. I can't imagine someone just doing a job would be able to do the same.

Another NP. I totally agree. I have two kids and both of them are very different personalities. They would not have been the happiest in daycare situation just because they are not good about following the schedule of the daycare.

Please. So many parents think they have a uniquely difficult child. Babies cry. Babies want to be held. You should fire your nanny if they leave your child to cry in a corrner.

Spoken like someone with an easy kid! Count your blessings, lady.

Seriously. I've had one easy kid and one colicky kid who cried for four hours a day. There's a difference. It's not all in our heads.