I’m not your kid’s chauffeur! A vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

Just drive my kid and stop complaining!

I truly hope that everyone stops driving your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.

Dp funny it is always the takers who feel this way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

See, here's the thing. If you have three or four kids it's because you CHOSE to, and if someone else has one because they CHOSE to and have more time than you as a result, then good for THEM -- not good for you. They have every right to be annoyed that you expect them to assist you for making a different choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I have 3 children and I get the opposite generalization: “Oh, you’re already taking 3 kids, what’s one more? Can you drive my Larla too?” (No offers of reciprocity ever because it must be super easy and fun for me - of course.)

Actually, it is more work to leave earlier and pick up another child and take them home. The same people who devalue the time of a SAHM with one kid will find a reason why everyone else’s time is less valuable than theirs. There is always some explanation and veiled insult about how everyone should do things for them.

The best way to handle it is to say no, politely and with a smile. “That doesn’t work for me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

you need to take a valium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know how I know they know it’s NOT “no big deal since you’re going anyway”? Because they NEVER OFFER TO DRIVE MY KID. Why is that? Can anyone explain?

Yes, because they have a lot of kids and pro can’t fit yours in their car with their 3+ kids. Or maybe the toddler or baby sibling is napping. Or maybe dad with the smaller car is taking some kids somewhere while mom has the van (where the only infant seat is) and going to another activity with the others. Or maybe the toddler refused nap and desperately needs to go to bed early which happens to be before older kid(s) needs to be picked up and DH isn’t available.

I have three kids and it is really hard to get them to and from places sometimes considering one is a toddler and we don’t have a nanny or family help and DH often isn’t around to help either. BUT they are my kids and I always do it bc I hate to burden others- I have never asked for favors like this but I can see many reasons why some would and then have a hard time reciprocating. One of my very good friends is SAHM to one elementary aged child. While I don’t ask favors of her, I DO routinely offer to pick her child up to go swimming with us or out to ice cream or somewhere fun we are going bc we have one extra seat in a van and I know she appreciates alone time. “Just one more” when you already have three and a second parent to help really is NBD and I’m happy to do it when we can. With that said, I would fully expect if there is an emergency happening at my house and I need to head to the ER with child, I could drop the other two off with her at a moments notice (and have had to once). Because this is what friends do for each other.

And on the other side, I was the kid growing up whose parents could never drive me anywhere (reasons why are another story). If it wasn’t for generous mothers of my friends picking me up for sleepovers and play dates and dance class, I would have missed out on a lot. I am very thankful for all those parents who put in extra effort on my behalf.

Feel free to say no if you don’t want to take someone’s kid somewhere but if you ARE able to, you may be helping a child and or parent who may be struggling in ways you don’t understand. Don’t think of it as a tit or tat situation; being helpful when you are available without the expectation of something in return is a lovely character quality to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

DP why do you assume that the op would do this and why do you not value volunteerism? Says a lot about you!

Most SAHM's don't think using a nanny count towards helping each other out.

I don't think stalking your kids classroom is "volunteering" but if you are going to a soup kitchen you can use my nanny without every returning the favor... but you aren't going to the soup kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

you need to take a valium.

Feeling defensive much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

DP why do you assume that the op would do this and why do you not value volunteerism? Says a lot about you!

Most SAHM's don't think using a nanny count towards helping each other out.

I don't think stalking your kids classroom is "volunteering" but if you are going to a soup kitchen you can use my nanny without every returning the favor... but you aren't going to the soup kitchen.

You sound very insecure about your decision not to stay at home. Not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

you need to take a valium.

Feeling defensive much?

No. Do you. I don't get worked up over little things all day long.

On the scale of 1 to 10 this is like a 1. But OP is probably bored and lacks intellectual stimulation and DCUM is her outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

DP why do you assume that the op would do this and why do you not value volunteerism? Says a lot about you!

Most SAHM's don't think using a nanny count towards helping each other out.

I don't think stalking your kids classroom is "volunteering" but if you are going to a soup kitchen you can use my nanny without every returning the favor... but you aren't going to the soup kitchen.

You sound very insecure about your decision not to stay at home. Not a good look.

Nah! I stalk my kids classroom too, it's so interesting.

Lunch duty, classroom projects, all those parties, the mom's fighting for the best field trips, smoozing the principal, mommy wars.... I should have been a sociologist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

Just drive my kid and stop complaining!

I truly hope that everyone stops driving your kid.

You should feel lucky that I let you drive my kid!

[Anonymous]

I pay the SAHM that drives my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

you need to take a valium.

Feeling defensive much?

No. Do you. I don't get worked up over little things all day long.

On the scale of 1 to 10 this is like a 1. But OP is probably bored and lacks intellectual stimulation and DCUM is her outlet.

Yet another woman who is insecure with her choice. Plus it's pretty funny that YOU'RE on DCUM talking about someone else's lack of intellectual stimulation. Pot, meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

DP why do you assume that the op would do this and why do you not value volunteerism? Says a lot about you!

Most SAHM's don't think using a nanny count towards helping each other out.

I don't think stalking your kids classroom is "volunteering" but if you are going to a soup kitchen you can use my nanny without every returning the favor... but you aren't going to the soup kitchen.

I am a SAHM and I never once use someone else's nanny. Also volunteering in the classroom is volunteering as my dh who is a teacher can attest. But, don't worry I am not the type to ask favors. I pay people if I need babysitting.