I’m not your kid’s chauffeur! A vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a SAH WOH thing.

If you have kids going to events on the same day you need help, especially if your H travels or gets home late.

It all works out in the end.

Say no if you can’t and ask for help when you need it.

Then organize a carpool, don’t just ask another parent to be your kid’s chauffeur. Why is this so hard to understand?

Yeah, this. BTW I find it cute that the PP presumes only husbands/dads travel or work late. In my house and many others in the 21st century, that is part of the reality for both working parents, mom and dad. But we make a point to ensure that one of is available to drive our kids to any extracurriculars that we've agreed for them to do (or alternatively have a babysitter who drives.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I have 3 children and I get the opposite generalization: “Oh, you’re already taking 3 kids, what’s one more? Can you drive my Larla too?” (No offers of reciprocity ever because it must be super easy and fun for me - of course.)

Actually, it is more work to leave earlier and pick up another child and take them home. The same people who devalue the time of a SAHM with one kid will find a reason why everyone else’s time is less valuable than theirs. There is always some explanation and veiled insult about how everyone should do things for them.

The best way to handle it is to say no, politely and with a smile. “That doesn’t work for me.”

Users don’t discriminate based on how many kids you have.

The most skilled are like the first PP who try to insult you and ask for a favor at the same time.

I agree with both of you, but there are also people who are selectively respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some reason this OP reminds me of a co-worker I had who would never cover for anyone ever. I was in charge of scheduling for a year, and she drove me completely crazy. She never asked anything of anyone other than what was explicitly defined in her contract, but she refused to pick up extra days when people were out for maternity leaves or cancer treatments, wouldn't adjust shifts by an hour so someone could attend something that was important to them or take an exam on a certain day, wouldn't change a clinic day months in advance so someone could go to a conference, etc. etc.
It was tough for everyone, but I felt like it was tough on her as well. It meant that she could never have children (and she never did), would have to quit her job if she got seriously ill, and could not attend or speak at anything that took place inside her given hours. Her rigidity about never giving or receiving help hindered everyone.

We can all accomplish a lot more if people will be flexible and just give and take.

It sounds like your co-worker could have had Autism as generally they are black and white thinkers. But, we aren't talking about this type of situation. Sometimes there are people who try to take advantage of other people and it is annoying.

She might also be a former “sucker”. I am, and need to protect myself that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some reason this OP reminds me of a co-worker I had who would never cover for anyone ever. I was in charge of scheduling for a year, and she drove me completely crazy. She never asked anything of anyone other than what was explicitly defined in her contract, but she refused to pick up extra days when people were out for maternity leaves or cancer treatments, wouldn't adjust shifts by an hour so someone could attend something that was important to them or take an exam on a certain day, wouldn't change a clinic day months in advance so someone could go to a conference, etc. etc.
It was tough for everyone, but I felt like it was tough on her as well. It meant that she could never have children (and she never did), would have to quit her job if she got seriously ill, and could not attend or speak at anything that took place inside her given hours. Her rigidity about never giving or receiving help hindered everyone.

We can all accomplish a lot more if people will be flexible and just give and take.

Yes, this reminds me of a (former) coworker who would refuse to answer interns' questions if she wasn't immediately supervising that intern. I remember watching her turn away from an intern without answering after the poor guy had inquired where the bathroom might be.

Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

I'm a pp who has agreed with OP's complaints. I actually agree with you. But some people really do just take take take, without ever intending to repay the favor. Also, there's something unseemly about someone who consistently pushes their responsibilities onto others for no other reason than laziness.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I say this kindly: You have done this to yourself and you have no one to blame for yourself for feeling this way. . Next time somebody asks kindly say no. “No” is not a bad word or a mean word.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some reason this OP reminds me of a co-worker I had who would never cover for anyone ever. I was in charge of scheduling for a year, and she drove me completely crazy. She never asked anything of anyone other than what was explicitly defined in her contract, but she refused to pick up extra days when people were out for maternity leaves or cancer treatments, wouldn't adjust shifts by an hour so someone could attend something that was important to them or take an exam on a certain day, wouldn't change a clinic day months in advance so someone could go to a conference, etc. etc.
It was tough for everyone, but I felt like it was tough on her as well. It meant that she could never have children (and she never did), would have to quit her job if she got seriously ill, and could not attend or speak at anything that took place inside her given hours. Her rigidity about never giving or receiving help hindered everyone.

We can all accomplish a lot more if people will be flexible and just give and take.

It sounds like your co-worker could have had Autism as generally they are black and white thinkers. But, we aren't talking about this type of situation. Sometimes there are people who try to take advantage of other people and it is annoying.

I think it’s the same situation. I bet $1000 that if OP’s husband asked her to see a movie while their child was at a birthday party and have someone else pick their child up, OP would say she couldn’t do it.
I bet if her best friend was having surgery next week and was scheduled to be going into the OR right at school drop off time, OP would say she couldn’t be there or would bring her child to the hospital.
I bet if OP had a hobby she really wanted to do, but it sometimes interfered with dance class, she wouldn’t do it.
OP thinks other people are crazy to have work and multiple children, thereby shirking their commitments. So instead she has chosen to forgo all of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

We have done so and it was because the kid was a huge brat. Sorry if that was your kid and you were annoyed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op are you still picking up my kid at 3 today? Maybe less time on the Internet and more time picking up my kid??

She’s busy scheduling the contractors. Don’t be obnoxious. It’s a full time job!!

[Anonymous]

How does someone reach adulthood not having learned to say, "no"?

post-after-post-after post of women mostly, who can't say, "no"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

Oh stop. Being a SAHM has nothing to do with it. I work Full-Time but am always one of the go to volunteers in the school, sports, etc. Because I'm always there, people also ask me to "schlep their kids around town for them."

And you know what? I generally do it. Because I am there all the time. What's the big deal? When I ask for reciprocation, it's almost never declined.

If you don't want to do it, then just say no. But, stop being a martyr about it. Try being kind and realize you may need help at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

We have done so and it was because the kid was a huge brat. Sorry if that was your kid and you were annoyed!

Well, that's a different situation, isn't it? Did you TELL them that was the reason? Or just secretly judge them and their kid, and revel in how clever you were to pull one over on them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I would be annoyed if I asked a neighbor to take my child somewhere she was going anyway, and my neighbor just refused on principle. And of course you can ask people to return the favor, OP. For most people adding another child in the car on the way to dance class or the soccer game really isn’t a big deal.

I'm a pp who has agreed with OP's complaints. I actually agree with you. But some people really do just take take take, without ever intending to repay the favor. Also, there's something unseemly about someone who consistently pushes their responsibilities onto others for no other reason than laziness.

+1.

Again, this is a different spin on the issue. If someone is not reciprocating when you ask for it, after taking their kids all over town, the selfish parent who won't reciprocate is the issue.

[Anonymous]

One of my sisters actually kept a spread sheet of who drove her kids and when she drove. She was persecuted if she drove more than anyone else. Her bi+ching was relentless.

Yet she always drove the most.

What does that tell you ?

[Anonymous]

I have learned to only say "yes" if I want because there are users who absolutely will not reciprocate when you desperately need help.

If your kid is a great friend of mine and pleasant in the car-no problem. if your kid is PITA. I say no. If I have too much going on in my life I decline. I find the people who can't handle "no" are the people you most need to get away from anyway because they don't accept BOUNDARIES. The people who think it is NBD to ask when they aren't truly in a bind are the same who think it's a BIG DEAL when you finally need help.

OP you have to let go of keeping up an image and needing people to like you. Users smell this need and take advantage. I will bend over backwards for true friends, but otherwise I do what works for our family. Just find it entertaining when the users get snippy about "no." If you keep saying NO they move on to a new prey.