I’m not your kid’s chauffeur! A vent.

[Anonymous]

Op are you still picking up my kid at 3 today? Maybe less time on the Internet and more time picking up my kid??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it. I’ve been mostly a SAHM for 30 years. I’ve worked part time, but never more than about 12 hours a week. People will always try to take advantage of you. Learn to say no. You don’t need to offer an excuse or provide a reason. Just say, “That won’t work for me, sorry”. And change the subject.

I SAH to spend time with MY kids. Not to babysit other people’s kids. I was always happy to host play dates with other parents during the day. Afternoons and evenings were family time.

Same here. Isn't it curious how some people think they can impose on you and you are somehow obligated to them?

If there is one lesson I learned from that stage of life, it's don't be too friendly to people who are making motions to make these kinds of requests. Be very cold, even if you come across as rude. It's better to let them know clearly from the get-go not to even think about asking, than it is to deal with the fallout when you have to put the brakes on the arrangement because it's become ridiculous. They never understand, and they absolutely never appreciate the kindness with which you tried to help them out.

You're a true delight.

You sound like an idiot. Do you not get I don't have to put up with your ill-behaved son who is trying to physically attack (on my watch) other children? I wouldn't have included him in my child's activities if you hadn't asked, and I did try to help you, which you didn't appreciate, and I tried to explain, which only made you angry. Get therapy.

Lady, that was my first post on this thread. You've never met my kids (who are girls, and who would probably burst into tears rather than attack someone), and you've never met me.

Check the free-floating rage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I do agree with this PP. Parents of multiple kids are used to juggling and organizing lots of carpools and are laid back about it, and it all works out, somehow. However, a similar "ask" will really throw a parent of only one child, because they are not used to it. They are like, "OMG! What is going on here? I am not used to this 'chaos!'" So, there are some parents I really get along with, because we just pick up each other's slack and it all work out one way or another.

Why are you rolling your eyes? You foist your 3 kids onto the parent of an only child, then roll your eyes at her because she's not used to being in charge of multiple kids? That's not very logical on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I think there is something to this. On the flip side, I do get thank you’d to the point I am embarrassed when I do something for a sahm of one. I gave your kid an extra helping of lasagna, but then I made him wash his own plate and take out the trash while the other kids were cleaning up dinner. After that, he slept on a sleeping bag on the floor. I really don’t need a thank you note or flowers.
My friends with multiple kids are much more relaxed about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I think there is something to this. On the flip side, I do get thank you’d to the point I am embarrassed when I do something for a sahm of one. I gave your kid an extra helping of lasagna, but then I made him wash his own plate and take out the trash while the other kids were cleaning up dinner. After that, he slept on a sleeping bag on the floor. I really don’t need a thank you note or flowers.
My friends with multiple kids are much more relaxed about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think of answers ahead of time so you can change it into a carpool or so you can say no with an excuse.

The takers of the village are so annoying. I’m all for reciprocation, but not users. Once or twice is ok, but after that, just come up with excuses!

“Some people are so transactional. It's tiring, keeping score all the time.”

- Users Everywhere

I don't mind taking other kids along. I don't count it up though and get mad at the end of the year.

You do you.

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I think there is something to this. On the flip side, I do get thank you’d to the point I am embarrassed when I do something for a sahm of one. I gave your kid an extra helping of lasagna, but then I made him wash his own plate and take out the trash while the other kids were cleaning up dinner. After that, he slept on a sleeping bag on the floor. I really don’t need a thank you note or flowers.
My friends with multiple kids are much more relaxed about the whole thing.

Hahahahaha. It actually sounds adorable!

[Anonymous]

This is not a SAH WOH thing.

If you have kids going to events on the same day you need help, especially if your H travels or gets home late.

It all works out in the end.

Say no if you can’t and ask for help when you need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I have 3 children and I get the opposite generalization: “Oh, you’re already taking 3 kids, what’s one more? Can you drive my Larla too?” (No offers of reciprocity ever because it must be super easy and fun for me - of course.)

Actually, it is more work to leave earlier and pick up another child and take them home. The same people who devalue the time of a SAHM with one kid will find a reason why everyone else’s time is less valuable than theirs. There is always some explanation and veiled insult about how everyone should do things for them.

The best way to handle it is to say no, politely and with a smile. “That doesn’t work for me.”

Users don’t discriminate based on how many kids you have.

The most skilled are like the first PP who try to insult you and ask for a favor at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a SAH WOH thing.

If you have kids going to events on the same day you need help, especially if your H travels or gets home late.

It all works out in the end.

Say no if you can’t and ask for help when you need it.

Then organize a carpool, don’t just ask another parent to be your kid’s chauffeur. Why is this so hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s because the parents of just one kid have lots of extra time to sit and tally up the favor equations. Most parents I know don’t keep score and figure it all will balance out in the end. I don’t find driving another kid a big deal if I am going there anyway. Again, what seems like a huge ask to a parent of just one child is literally nothing at all for someone used to corralling three or four kids.

I have 3 children and I get the opposite generalization: “Oh, you’re already taking 3 kids, what’s one more? Can you drive my Larla too?” (No offers of reciprocity ever because it must be super easy and fun for me - of course.)

Actually, it is more work to leave earlier and pick up another child and take them home. The same people who devalue the time of a SAHM with one kid will find a reason why everyone else’s time is less valuable than theirs. There is always some explanation and veiled insult about how everyone should do things for them.

The best way to handle it is to say no, politely and with a smile. “That doesn’t work for me.”

Users don’t discriminate based on how many kids you have.

The most skilled are like the first PP who try to insult you and ask for a favor at the same time.

She didn't try to insult you.

[Anonymous]

For some reason this OP reminds me of a co-worker I had who would never cover for anyone ever. I was in charge of scheduling for a year, and she drove me completely crazy. She never asked anything of anyone other than what was explicitly defined in her contract, but she refused to pick up extra days when people were out for maternity leaves or cancer treatments, wouldn't adjust shifts by an hour so someone could attend something that was important to them or take an exam on a certain day, wouldn't change a clinic day months in advance so someone could go to a conference, etc. etc.
It was tough for everyone, but I felt like it was tough on her as well. It meant that she could never have children (and she never did), would have to quit her job if she got seriously ill, and could not attend or speak at anything that took place inside her given hours. Her rigidity about never giving or receiving help hindered everyone.

We can all accomplish a lot more if people will be flexible and just give and take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM of one, and I’m so tired of people assuming it’s no big deal for me to schlep their kids around town for them. Stop assuming we don’t have anything going on and it’s just so fun for us to bring your kid home or take them to dance class for you, just because we don’t work or don’t have as many kids as you. I’m this close to finishing off the year by asking each and every one of these moms to be my kid’s personal chauffeur, because what’s one more? Did I mention they are never really appreciative and downright offended when you decline? So done.

Just drive my kid and stop complaining!

I truly hope that everyone stops driving your kid.

You should feel lucky that I let you drive my kid!

Nah your kid is an Asshole just like you!

Be careful, or I may not let you drive my kid anymore....now get in the car!

Find yourself another driver!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gurl, you need to take a day off, clearly your role is overwhelming for you.

just say, I'll drive there if you can drive home. Assuming you haven't used their nanny as a daycare during the day so you can "volunteer".

This is not a thing. The same parents who think it’s NBD for a SAHM to drive their kids will cry bloody murder at the idea of their nanny watching another child. These parents are the first to condemn anyone for asking for free babysitting if there is ever even an occasional request for reciprocity.

It doesn’t sound like you know many people with nannies. Even if you e watched their kid on a snow day and given them rides, if you ever dare ask that their nanny pick up your kid ONE time you will get a bill or a lecture about free babysitting.

OP, the sooner you minimize contact with these people, the better.

you need to take a valium.

Feeling defensive much?

No. Do you. I don't get worked up over little things all day long.

On the scale of 1 to 10 this is like a 1. But OP is probably bored and lacks intellectual stimulation and DCUM is her outlet.

Yet another woman who is insecure with her choice. Plus it's pretty funny that YOU'RE on DCUM talking about someone else's lack of intellectual stimulation. Pot, meet kettle.

I love to get you girls all riled up. it's such a hoot, something to do waiting in the doctors office to be seen. Girl, you need to get a little more self confidence if a complete stranger on the internet can get you all worked up.

But really... it's still a 1 out of 10.

DP to YOU it is a one out of 10. Not everyone is you. Get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some reason this OP reminds me of a co-worker I had who would never cover for anyone ever. I was in charge of scheduling for a year, and she drove me completely crazy. She never asked anything of anyone other than what was explicitly defined in her contract, but she refused to pick up extra days when people were out for maternity leaves or cancer treatments, wouldn't adjust shifts by an hour so someone could attend something that was important to them or take an exam on a certain day, wouldn't change a clinic day months in advance so someone could go to a conference, etc. etc.
It was tough for everyone, but I felt like it was tough on her as well. It meant that she could never have children (and she never did), would have to quit her job if she got seriously ill, and could not attend or speak at anything that took place inside her given hours. Her rigidity about never giving or receiving help hindered everyone.

We can all accomplish a lot more if people will be flexible and just give and take.

Yes, this reminds me of a (former) coworker who would refuse to answer interns' questions if she wasn't immediately supervising that intern. I remember watching her turn away from an intern without answering after the poor guy had inquired where the bathroom might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For some reason this OP reminds me of a co-worker I had who would never cover for anyone ever. I was in charge of scheduling for a year, and she drove me completely crazy. She never asked anything of anyone other than what was explicitly defined in her contract, but she refused to pick up extra days when people were out for maternity leaves or cancer treatments, wouldn't adjust shifts by an hour so someone could attend something that was important to them or take an exam on a certain day, wouldn't change a clinic day months in advance so someone could go to a conference, etc. etc.
It was tough for everyone, but I felt like it was tough on her as well. It meant that she could never have children (and she never did), would have to quit her job if she got seriously ill, and could not attend or speak at anything that took place inside her given hours. Her rigidity about never giving or receiving help hindered everyone.

We can all accomplish a lot more if people will be flexible and just give and take.

It sounds like your co-worker could have had Autism as generally they are black and white thinkers. But, we aren't talking about this type of situation. Sometimes there are people who try to take advantage of other people and it is annoying.