Can anyone help me understand family with really low expectations for their kids?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound really awful. If you’re not a troll, karma is gunning for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they talked about the kids' friends, there was failing school, drugs, tattoos, teen pregnancy. So these issues are present in their kids' social circles but as long as their kids steer clear, it's fine? I can't fathom letting my kids be within 20 miles of that sort of culture. I would literally sell our house tomorrow if my kids were hanging out with low people like that. It wasn't really THAT big of a deal to them.

Grades weren't you better get A's... it was as long as they're passing we don't really pay attention to it. They had no idea what sort of classes they were taking (AP, honors, normal track).

You are delusional if you think your kids' circle is free of drugs, tattoos, and the possibility of teen pregnancy.

I can assure you on good authority there aren't kids failing out of school, getting kicked out of their house, getting arrested, getting tattoos, in my kids' social circles. They're letting their kids mix with trash and didn't seem all that concerned about it; actually in denial about it, that their kids are different and a little better than the peers in their social circles.

But there are drugs and abortions in your kids' circle. Because they can steal mommy's pills and money from daddy to go to the doctor.

You are gross AND naive OP.

[Anonymous]

Accept the kid you have, not the kid you want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, I can't believe you would call children "trash." I went on play dates to literal trailer parks as a kid...I assume you wouldn't let your kids visit mine in our apartment now. People can be fine people without having a lot of money. Your family are not the ones I'm raising my eyebrows at.

OP didn't bring up money, you went there. Class and values aren't about money.

What? I am pretty sure "trailer parks" was a reference to money, what else is it? OP also literally called humans - child humans - "trash." That is neither classy nor evidence of good values.

Calling someone "trailer trash" doesn't mean you think they literally live in a trailer park, it means you think they're low class. It's absolutely low class to not make your kids try in school, have goals, and not care if they mix with anti social delinquents with nothing going on in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, I can't believe you would call children "trash." I went on play dates to literal trailer parks as a kid...I assume you wouldn't let your kids visit mine in our apartment now. People can be fine people without having a lot of money. Your family are not the ones I'm raising my eyebrows at.

OP didn't bring up money, you went there. Class and values aren't about money.

What? I am pretty sure "trailer parks" was a reference to money, what else is it? OP also literally called humans - child humans - "trash." That is neither classy nor evidence of good values.

Calling someone "trailer trash" doesn't mean you think they literally live in a trailer park, it means you think they're low class. It's absolutely low class to not make your kids try in school, have goals, and not care if they mix with anti social delinquents with nothing going on in life.

The "trash" and "future residents of trailer parks" were actually different phrases. But I do think the phrase "trailer trash" is also offensive now that you mention it. Don't pretend it's got nothing to do with money. Do you think people who live in trailer parks are worse people than you? If not, why use it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you realize just how much can go wrong, their goals sound fine. I have a friend who says “alive at 25” is his goal.

Here is what I DO NOT want for my kids -
1) Death or being terminally ill
2) Being lost or kidnapped
3) Being abused and tortured
4) Being depressed or mentally ill
5) Being addicted
6) Being a criminal or felon and in jail
7) Disability
8) Being pregnant without marriage.

Everything else is just a bump in the road.

[Anonymous]

I mean, we don't tolerate D's and F's, but as long as they try their best, we're okay.

I grew up with blue collar parents, so I understand that all jobs are important. I also understand that not going to college doesn't equal that the kid is a failure for life.

I have a kid in college, a HS junior, a HS freshmen, and a 6th grader. As long as they all grow up to be self-sufficient, I'll consider them a success. I have more than two coworkers who have their adult kids living back with them because they can't make it on their own in this area. From talking with them, each of them had kids who were just 'okay' in school that they really had to push to go to college. Now they're thousands in debt, living with mom & dad, and employed at the same job that they could have had without college. But yes, by all means, it's more prestigious to say they have that college degree!

[Anonymous]

OP, these are your inlaws. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

I would be very careful being judgmental OP. You have no idea how that is all going to work out until all your kids are grown. Seriously, we all know families who were judgmental and ended up with kids who crashed and burned. Not saying that will happen, but kids can be unpredictable and so can life. Slow your roll. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they talked about the kids' friends, there was failing school, drugs, tattoos, teen pregnancy. So these issues are present in their kids' social circles but as long as their kids steer clear, it's fine? I can't fathom letting my kids be within 20 miles of that sort of culture. I would literally sell our house tomorrow if my kids were hanging out with low people like that. It wasn't really THAT big of a deal to them.

Grades weren't you better get A's... it was as long as they're passing we don't really pay attention to it. They had no idea what sort of classes they were taking (AP, honors, normal track).

You are delusional if you think your kids' circle is free of drugs, tattoos, and the possibility of teen pregnancy.

I can assure you on good authority there aren't kids failing out of school, getting kicked out of their house, getting arrested, getting tattoos, in my kids' social circles. They're letting their kids mix with trash and didn't seem all that concerned about it; actually in denial about it, that their kids are different and a little better than the peers in their social circles.

You lost me at calling fellow humans "trash."

[Anonymous]

Hey, at least the kids won't grow up to be elitist snobs like you OP.

I know lots of people who grew up with pretty hands off parents who are doing just fine. They are self motivated and independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you have to back off. It might be different than what you’re talking about, but honestly I’m happy my son will graduate. I’m happy he’s going to be alive to graduate. I’ll be ecstatic if his gpa is 3.3 and he makes it into a state school. I’ll tell him how proud I am of him if it’s 2.8 and he goes to community college. I’m cool with him taking a year or two off to work and save for college while he learns what the real world is like.

He has severe anxiety and depression and was suicidal for a while. He overcame those hurdles and is trying to get back on track, but he did poorly in some classes his freshman and sophomore years. All he can do now is try to repair the damage and learn from his mistakes, while trying to stay healthy. I’d rather have a healthy, reasonably happy, low performing child than heap on the pressure to the point where I have no son.

IRL, when someone asks why DS isn’t taking all the AP classes possible or passes judgment on his college prospects, I’m not going to air all his dirty laundry. I just play it off like it’s no big deal. It isn’t. His health is our big deal.

So yeah. You can take your judgment and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

PP, you’re DS is lucky to have you as his mother!

+1000

[Anonymous]

I understand where you're coming from, OP.

We can both accept such people exist and are necessary to the functioning of the world. Our surprise comes when our closest and dearest expresses wanton disregard for intellect and academia.

Th truth is, perhaps they are happier like this than you or I. Perhaps they are raising humble and hard-working kids. Perhaps they will be healthier than ours and in a thousand years, their descendants will still be there and ours will not.

So have some respect.

[Anonymous]

Their goals sound fine. It also sounds like they know you are high strung about your kids, and are downplaying their expectations. I do this all the time with slightly nuts BIL. He thinks it is the end of the world that his 18 year old DD has a boyfriend and is ruining her life. Drama is constant with him. I told him the same, is she doing drugs, drop out of school, got pregnant. My poor niece is considered a deviant child for hanging out at PANERA!

[Anonymous]

Its weird op keeps ending posts reinforcing her view that they look like a normal family. Why wouldn’t they? They said nothing wrong.