Can anyone help me understand family with really low expectations for their kids?

[Anonymous]

Given that OP has yet to point to a single problem these kids are having, evidence that they're not going to be able to go to college, etc., I suspect there's absolutely nothing wrong with these kids. The problems are all in OP's head.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t see a problem with this. In a lot of ways it’s probably better than the pressure cooker scenario so common here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see a problem with this. In a lot of ways it’s probably better than the pressure cooker scenario so common here.

Because there's no healthy medium between psychotic tiger parenting ... and hands-off cluelessness where your kids mix with future trailer park residents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see a problem with this. In a lot of ways it’s probably better than the pressure cooker scenario so common here.

Because there's no healthy medium between psychotic tiger parenting ... and hands-off cluelessness where your kids mix with future trailer park residents?

I’d rather my kids live in a trailer park than turn out like you. Their kids are fine, sounds like maybe yours aren’t.

How much do we want to bet that OP’s kid got info some kid of trouble, failed a test, etc., and OP is seething that this happened to her despite doing everything “right,” and not to the nieces and nephews?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you have to back off. It might be different than what you’re talking about, but honestly I’m happy my son will graduate. I’m happy he’s going to be alive to graduate. I’ll be ecstatic if his gpa is 3.3 and he makes it into a state school. I’ll tell him how proud I am of him if it’s 2.8 and he goes to community college. I’m cool with him taking a year or two off to work and save for college while he learns what the real world is like.

He has severe anxiety and depression and was suicidal for a while. He overcame those hurdles and is trying to get back on track, but he did poorly in some classes his freshman and sophomore years. All he can do now is try to repair the damage and learn from his mistakes, while trying to stay healthy. I’d rather have a healthy, reasonably happy, low performing child than heap on the pressure to the point where I have no son.

IRL, when someone asks why DS isn’t taking all the AP classes possible or passes judgment on his college prospects, I’m not going to air all his dirty laundry. I just play it off like it’s no big deal. It isn’t. His health is our big deal.

So yeah. You can take your judgment and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

[Anonymous]

One thing that has surprised me is the number of teenagers that have become drug addicts in seemingly normal families.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old ARE your kids? Do you even have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you have to back off. It might be different than what you’re talking about, but honestly I’m happy my son will graduate. I’m happy he’s going to be alive to graduate. I’ll be ecstatic if his gpa is 3.3 and he makes it into a state school. I’ll tell him how proud I am of him if it’s 2.8 and he goes to community college. I’m cool with him taking a year or two off to work and save for college while he learns what the real world is like.

He has severe anxiety and depression and was suicidal for a while. He overcame those hurdles and is trying to get back on track, but he did poorly in some classes his freshman and sophomore years. All he can do now is try to repair the damage and learn from his mistakes, while trying to stay healthy. I’d rather have a healthy, reasonably happy, low performing child than heap on the pressure to the point where I have no son.

IRL, when someone asks why DS isn’t taking all the AP classes possible or passes judgment on his college prospects, I’m not going to air all his dirty laundry. I just play it off like it’s no big deal. It isn’t. His health is our big deal.

So yeah. You can take your judgment and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

PP, you’re DS is lucky to have you as his mother!

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, I can't believe you would call children "trash." I went on play dates to literal trailer parks as a kid...I assume you wouldn't let your kids visit mine in our apartment now. People can be fine people without having a lot of money. Your family are not the ones I'm raising my eyebrows at.

[Anonymous]

OP has no idea. The scenario PP set out with her DS with mental health problems or similar is more common than people think.

I had a child who became sick end of junior year and into senior year. It took a while to figure it out. Child didn't graduate because of too many missed classes (doubt GPA was much over 2.0), stayed home sick for a couple of years. I would have considered marriage to devoted accountant BF as success even without HS degree or a job.

The health problems eventually were figured out and treated. Eventually, child was well enough to take the GED and enroll in local college. Will be graduating this year with a 3.9 and has been accepted into dream graduate school. (Still with devoted BF.)

[Anonymous]

It seemed obvious OP isn't discussing teens with health issues -- it's an entire family, a household culture; mores. Some parents just don't give a sh*t. She's describing people who APPEAR middle class but they're actually low class hillbillies. This is exactly what Hillbilly Elegy was about. People can have a suburban home and new cars and decent blue collar jobs but still be low class trash and setting their kids up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, I can't believe you would call children "trash." I went on play dates to literal trailer parks as a kid...I assume you wouldn't let your kids visit mine in our apartment now. People can be fine people without having a lot of money. Your family are not the ones I'm raising my eyebrows at.

OP didn't bring up money, you went there. Class and values aren't about money.

[Anonymous]

OP, this may surprise you, but there are parents that do not solidly book most of their children's after school hours with busy work and activities, forcing extracurricular upon extracurricular on them. Sometimes kids have to be kids, not burnt out, unhappy, resentful mini you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, I can't believe you would call children "trash." I went on play dates to literal trailer parks as a kid...I assume you wouldn't let your kids visit mine in our apartment now. People can be fine people without having a lot of money. Your family are not the ones I'm raising my eyebrows at.

OP didn't bring up money, you went there. Class and values aren't about money.

What? I am pretty sure "trailer parks" was a reference to money, what else is it? OP also literally called humans - child humans - "trash." That is neither classy nor evidence of good values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seemed obvious OP isn't discussing teens with health issues -- it's an entire family, a household culture; mores. Some parents just don't give a sh*t. She's describing people who APPEAR middle class but they're actually low class hillbillies. This is exactly what Hillbilly Elegy was about. People can have a suburban home and new cars and decent blue collar jobs but still be low class trash and setting their kids up for failure.

Again, someone actually calling people trash. Just WOW.