Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has friends at school. That's great.

Personally, I would not tell a tween's friend and that friend's family that my child was having a meltdown. This is a very sensitive age. That's not a good idea, OP. You could have said "Larla is taking a moment" or something like that. And, you could have built on the fact that her friend was there to end the meltdown -- "Larla, do you want to come out and say hello to Annabelle?"

I'm not trying to put you down, but you sound oppositional to her and your dislike of her (which is pretty obvious) makes you handle situations in a way that inflames them. I'm sure she's very, very, difficult, no doubt, but just as she blames others for everything -- don't you do that too???

I agree with this. Of course she was mortified that you “told on her” to her school friend and her parents. She’s not stupid, I think you are. I really wonder how much of this has to do with your parenting, and I hate saying that because of course I don’t know you, but this one example makes me wonder if you’ve just never bonded with her or you just really have no clue how to talk to kids.

How should OP have handled it? I read it thinking the friends are standing by the car and clearly can hear the kid screaming inside. What would you have done? Saying she's "having a moment" when they can hear her screaming is splitting hairs. What is the mom supposed to do to explain why the kid is inside the car screaming while she's waiting outside? I guess I don't see it as malicious. I'm really unsure how I myself would have explained it.

She needs to focus more on bring joy to her DD’s life and less on being a cruel dictator.

Okay, but what do you say in that moment? How do you explain standing outside your car while she screams inside?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has friends at school. That's great.

Personally, I would not tell a tween's friend and that friend's family that my child was having a meltdown. This is a very sensitive age. That's not a good idea, OP. You could have said "Larla is taking a moment" or something like that. And, you could have built on the fact that her friend was there to end the meltdown -- "Larla, do you want to come out and say hello to Annabelle?"

I'm not trying to put you down, but you sound oppositional to her and your dislike of her (which is pretty obvious) makes you handle situations in a way that inflames them. I'm sure she's very, very, difficult, no doubt, but just as she blames others for everything -- don't you do that too???

I agree with this. Of course she was mortified that you “told on her” to her school friend and her parents. She’s not stupid, I think you are. I really wonder how much of this has to do with your parenting, and I hate saying that because of course I don’t know you, but this one example makes me wonder if you’ve just never bonded with her or you just really have no clue how to talk to kids.

How should OP have handled it? I read it thinking the friends are standing by the car and clearly can hear the kid screaming inside. What would you have done? Saying she's "having a moment" when they can hear her screaming is splitting hairs. What is the mom supposed to do to explain why the kid is inside the car screaming while she's waiting outside? I guess I don't see it as malicious. I'm really unsure how I myself would have explained it.

I’m the person you responded to. If this happened to me (and it did happen when my children were toddlers) I would have smiled and waved and said nothing. No explanation needed.

My mom inadvertently embarrassed me so much as a kid by talking too much.

Yes, but the friend and mom came to say hello. Would you just ignore their greetings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the sugar addiction and the asking for ice cream integral to the situation. I think there’s a lot of self-loathing with this child and she self-medicates with sugar and food when she is with you.

I agree.

Op, have to tried to address the diet.

[Anonymous]

OP you need serious family therapy and therapy for yourself. You clearly dislike and possibly hate your own daughter, and you're really going to hurt her. Yes, sending her away might be a good idea ... but mainly to her away from the toxic environment of your home if you can't improve it. Do you have a relative she can go live with?

You need MUCH more than Pep.

[Anonymous]

I don't see it abusive at all. Is it abusive since DD is special needs?
Since they find you bad mother, why not send he where good trained people can help her.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say the same: this family needs way more than those PEP classes. OP hasn't said what kind of therapy this child and family are in. OP hasn't said what meds (if any) they have tried.

It sounds like OP doesn't understand the impact of ADHD, is stressed beyond her limits and has said some worrisome things on here. It's not too late for an 11-year-old child. Dear God! Did you cringe when you typed that? I hope so! If you give up on your child, what do you expect??? I'm not saying that to be mean... but if that's where you are indoor relationship with your daughter, please know that your whole family needs therapy. Please get it.

[Anonymous]

Are you coming back op?

[Anonymous]

Back in the day, institutions were common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has friends at school. That's great.

Personally, I would not tell a tween's friend and that friend's family that my child was having a meltdown. This is a very sensitive age. That's not a good idea, OP. You could have said "Larla is taking a moment" or something like that. And, you could have built on the fact that her friend was there to end the meltdown -- "Larla, do you want to come out and say hello to Annabelle?"

I'm not trying to put you down, but you sound oppositional to her and your dislike of her (which is pretty obvious) makes you handle situations in a way that inflames them. I'm sure she's very, very, difficult, no doubt, but just as she blames others for everything -- don't you do that too???

I agree with this. Of course she was mortified that you “told on her” to her school friend and her parents. She’s not stupid, I think you are. I really wonder how much of this has to do with your parenting, and I hate saying that because of course I don’t know you, but this one example makes me wonder if you’ve just never bonded with her or you just really have no clue how to talk to kids.

How should OP have handled it? I read it thinking the friends are standing by the car and clearly can hear the kid screaming inside. What would you have done? Saying she's "having a moment" when they can hear her screaming is splitting hairs. What is the mom supposed to do to explain why the kid is inside the car screaming while she's waiting outside? I guess I don't see it as malicious. I'm really unsure how I myself would have explained it.

I’m the person you responded to. If this happened to me (and it did happen when my children were toddlers) I would have smiled and waved and said nothing. No explanation needed.

My mom inadvertently embarrassed me so much as a kid by talking too much.

Yes, but the friend and mom came to say hello. Would you just ignore their greetings?

No I wouldn’t ignore them. I would smile and wave. I would hope that my true friends would uunderstand that we were not in a good place and would leave us be. I might text my friend later to say sorry I couldn’t talk, we were having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

Op, are you a single parent or do you have a partner?

The lack of empathy in this message in your message is striking. Getting at what is causing that is the first step. Doesn't mean you are a bad person, but it's your duty to figure out why. Someone who has empathy for her (or you after a break or therapy, etc.) has to be the one making choices for her treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, OP - are you describing a step child?? Your total lack of empathy for anything about this child is chilling.

Nothing indicates this is a step. She is a mother at the end of her rope. Try extending empathy and understanding for what that must be like.

[Anonymous]

Could it be worse because of puberty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has friends at school. That's great.

Personally, I would not tell a tween's friend and that friend's family that my child was having a meltdown. This is a very sensitive age. That's not a good idea, OP. You could have said "Larla is taking a moment" or something like that. And, you could have built on the fact that her friend was there to end the meltdown -- "Larla, do you want to come out and say hello to Annabelle?"

I'm not trying to put you down, but you sound oppositional to her and your dislike of her (which is pretty obvious) makes you handle situations in a way that inflames them. I'm sure she's very, very, difficult, no doubt, but just as she blames others for everything -- don't you do that too???

I agree with this. Of course she was mortified that you “told on her” to her school friend and her parents. She’s not stupid, I think you are. I really wonder how much of this has to do with your parenting, and I hate saying that because of course I don’t know you, but this one example makes me wonder if you’ve just never bonded with her or you just really have no clue how to talk to kids.

It’s hard to explain. They pull up and heard her screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting the roof of the car. What was I supposed to say? I didn’t say meltdown but similar. I wasn’t sure what to say.

[Anonymous]

In all seriousness as a afurat step cut out the sugar at home.
Seriously. Go cold turkey and in five days she won’t be addicted to it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness as a afurat step cut out the sugar at home.
Seriously. Go cold turkey and in five days she won’t be addicted to it anymore.

Actually OP (I've been a sympathetic poster here btw) a whole30 for all of you could be good! She may buy in if it's a family activity. Cutting out groups can help you pinpoint negative reactions when you add them back in.