The college arms race is harming us as parents and making our kids sick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Since when is there a Algebra AP?

Which Physics AP? There are several.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Since when is there a Algebra AP?

Sorry, you are correct. I just checked her course list, it is Calculus . I am a foreigner, so for me it is all math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Since when is there a Algebra AP?

Which Physics AP? There are several.

She takes Physics 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Wow! Perfect child! She'd fit right in at Ivy's! Then she'll realize...muahahahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Wow! Perfect child! She'd fit right in at Ivy's! Then she'll realize...muahahahaha

She is not perfect, but she is very sweet and down to earth. She is very mature, loves to travel around the world and knows very well that there is a life outside the college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Wow! Perfect child! She'd fit right in at Ivy's! Then she'll realize...muahahahaha

She is not perfect, but she is very sweet and down to earth. She is very mature, loves to travel around the world and knows very well that there is a life outside the college.

Ok. Now I'm calling troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Wow! Perfect child! She'd fit right in at Ivy's! Then she'll realize...muahahahaha

She is not perfect, but she is very sweet and down to earth. She is very mature, loves to travel around the world and knows very well that there is a life outside the college.

Yup, knows very well that there is a life outside the college because she's still in high school. She's a time traveler too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen carefully at the next Christmas cocktail party - the more expensive and exclusive the school, the bigger the gasps and backslaps. Tell somebody your kid - no matter how brilliant or accomplished- is at a state school like George Mason or or VCU and the body language is completely different. Yet if a kid from Jersey got into JMU it would be seen as a huge accomplishment. I guess the moral is the grass is always greener, but these sort of attitudes just add to the madness and pressure.

No, the moral of the story is you're going to the wrong Christmas parties

+1

[Anonymous]

This is nothing compared to some other developed countries, OP, notably in Asia.

I wouldn't complain if I were you. Here we are in the richest country in the world, among the richest people in this country (otherwise you wouldn't be posting on DCUM), food and shelter taken for granted, probably. The world has changed, and with globalization comes competition. OK, we can and will adapt. We just have to change our habits.

Perspective is what kids need. People need to strive for the best within the bounds of good health and reason, and that is a highly subjective equation!

I have an anxiety disorder. I went to a stressful high school. My anxiety always gets better when I consider all that I have, versus what I have not.
Yoga and meditation are powerful tools, as are reasoning your way out of your funk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

My best friend's 2 teenage girls dropped out of their beloved sports to keep up academically with their AP courses. They are always stressed and my friend now has anxiety for her girls. She doesn't push them, but they push themselves to compete with the other kids. Neither of us finds it healthy, we had a much nicer and less stressful time in high school and we both did fine. Per my friend's request, my husband had a talk with them. He told them it is admirable that they are so dedicated to their studies, but that a healthy mind and body are also important. My husband is extremely successful and he went to Mason! He feels sports have always been key to helping him be the person he is now. I find it so sad that kids are this stressed. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

My best friend's 2 teenage girls dropped out of their beloved sports to keep up academically with their AP courses. They are always stressed and my friend now has anxiety for her girls. She doesn't push them, but they push themselves to compete with the other kids. Neither of us finds it healthy, we had a much nicer and less stressful time in high school and we both did fine. Per my friend's request, my husband had a talk with them. He told them it is admirable that they are so dedicated to their studies, but that a healthy mind and body are also important. My husband is extremely successful and he went to Mason! He feels sports have always been key to helping him be the person he is now. I find it so sad that kids are this stressed. Geez.

I actually found out that keeping up with the sports helps them to unwind after the school. HS curriculum is not that hard academically, it is just too much volume. If the child is smart and organized, he will keep up with it. But spending 3 hours on the fresh air after school definitely helps. I would never support their decision to quite the sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

My DW definitely. And it has been horrible. I have been the counterweight. DD broke down this weekend after Mom pulled her "tiger" sh*t on her and said that Mom is never happy with anything I do. My grandmother did this to my mother!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

My DW definitely. And it has been horrible. I have been the counterweight. DD broke down this weekend after Mom pulled her "tiger" sh*t on her and said that Mom is never happy with anything I do. My grandmother did this to my mother!

Maybe your wife should seek some therapy before you medicate your kid.

[Anonymous]

You need to rein in your wife. All the teens I know seem to be in the "college wars" but I've been watching for several years and quite a few who have made into into top 20 are struggling as much or more as those who didn't make the grade. One standout at Duke as MD but divorcing with small child. Another happy at Google. More have returned to state U to get teaching certificates, others perpetually in grad school, living on parents dime. Quite a few seemed to think "getting in" to a top school was the end all and rebelled once they went away. Many have depression issues. Both my kids went to unremarkable small private schools. Both are happy, well adjusted and living in "flyover states."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

Very sorry to hear what your daughter is going through. I agree that the college game has gotten unhealthy but in my experience it is almost always the parents that set the tone through this process. Sure, the schools and classmates influence how your child deals with the process but as parents if you get on the same page and set the right values and perspective at the outset your child will be far more balanced, sane and happy about the outcome.

+1000 OP, if you are concerned about your child's mental health after this process then I think that you first need to consider your actions and words with your child up until this point.