The college arms race is harming us as parents and making our kids sick!
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Anonymous
| ^defer |
Anonymous
Good advice. Meds are risks business, so should be only a last resort. |
Anonymous
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I think ultimately the question for parents is how do we encourage our children to be the best they can be without causing unhealthy stress?
We can't just let kids do whatever they want -- b/c a good proportion of them (and us) would sit around and play games or watch tv or surf the internet. Inertia is the natural state of matter, right? So, how do we activate kids and help them see that it is in their own interests to do well (or at least try their best)? Like everything, it is all shades of gray. I've already accepted that my kids aren't going to HYP and frankly I doubt that they will get into Uva.... but am I really supposed to just go with the flow when one is getting a C in algebra and doesn't really care to study for tests? |
Anonymous
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It is a cultural problem -- not just a family issue, especially in schools where there are lots of families who are obsessed with college admissions and see it as a really high-stakes process. The number of DC's friends who were in therapy skyrocketed junior year and the stress levels remained high throughout senior year. Empathetic kids who are not dealing with these pressures personally still find themselves taking care of friends who are, walking on eggshells, keeping quiet about their own plans and not asking about others, etc.
At a policy level, I think getting rid of all forms of early action/decision and having every kid get every admissions decision at once would make things better. And superscoring has been a cash cow for College Board but makes the pressure start earlier and last longer for students. Our largely privatized approach to elite education creates collective action problems that get in the way of addressing the crazy kinds of stress we're subjecting (UMC?) teens to these days. |
Anonymous
Good discussion following the TED talk. I do wish more parents/educators understood that there's more than college to a happy and successful life. |
Anonymous
Ditto. This was my grandfather's attitude about educating his two daughters. Both did SAH for a while but my aunt ended up working as a nurse (having to get her certification by going to school PT with young children at home) and my mom worked as a secretary for 10 yrs before having kids and then was back to work 16 yrs later and ended up the family breadwinner when dad got laid off. Both would have been better off going to college out of HS even though they spent part of their lives as SAHM. This is an attitude that should stay back in the 60s! |
Anonymous
+1 My kids are already in MS but I enjoyed listening to her "Getting In" podcast and I think it will help me set a good tone as we approach HS and college application years. |
Anonymous
| There are so many great college options -- maybe the most important aspect of the process is identifying a place that is likely to be accepted at that has a good vibe. There are going to be lots of great kids there -- the consequence of other schools being so selective. |
Anonymous
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OP I was you 4 years ago. My son attended the gifted center for elementary, Takoma Park for middle until the end of 7th grade when he knew he didn't want to apply for Blair, we then switched him to our home middle school in 8th and he went to his home high school where he was a big fish little pond and took 10 AP's.
He got into UMCP direct admit business school/gemstone program and VA Tech Engineering. He chose to attend South Carolina for International Business (#1 ranked school for International Business in the country) due to merit aid and being able to go out of state for the same amount of money as the cost of staying instate. You would have thought from the reaction of extended family and friends that he turned down Harvard and chose to attend PoDunk University. Once my son arrived in Carolina he knew he made the right choice. He has enjoyed SEC football, a vibrant college town and gotten a great education. Tell you daughter that no matter what she chose at this stage she would be second guessing and scared. Her choice is not written in stone, if she hates it she can re-evaluate next year. Good luck to all of you with your transition. Anxiety sucks. |
Anonymous
Have we corresponded before? My DD was accepted to South Carolina International Business and she is going to go there. I think it really fits with her growing up lifestyle. I have worked overseas for much of her life, and she has lived in at least six countries with me. I work ias an excutive in the International Busienss filed, even though I don't have either an undergraduate or graduate business degree. She speaks two and half languages already. I have arranged for her to work in Europe this summer and to just take some time off. No one in my family thinks she is attending a PoDunk School, but then only one of us ever went to an Ivy. The rest of the family - my siblings - attended either a private like myself (GWU), the University of Florida or West Point. Only the last seemed to be following in my father's footsteps, otherwise we were raised to follow our own drummers. Truly, for some, nothing is written! |
Anonymous
| And probably my next job will depend on where she chooses to study oveseas for study abroad. |
Anonymous
| Listen carefully at the next Christmas cocktail party - the more expensive and exclusive the school, the bigger the gasps and backslaps. Tell somebody your kid - no matter how brilliant or accomplished- is at a state school like George Mason or or VCU and the body language is completely different. Yet if a kid from Jersey got into JMU it would be seen as a huge accomplishment. I guess the moral is the grass is always greener, but these sort of attitudes just add to the madness and pressure. |
Anonymous
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Its because there is too much income inequality in the country these days. The stakes are higher because of that. You are either so rich you don't know what to do with all your money, or living without health care, one accident away from financial disaster.
Back in the "good old days" there was a class of people (mostly white) who knew that things would be okay even if they ended up in a factory job. Now, nobody feels safe. |
Anonymous
You must also be the kind of person who doesn't buy health insurance. No way you are going to have a serious accident, right? Even if she SAH, no way her husband will die, leaving her to support her children. |
Anonymous
My compromise is to nag when they gets C's but not if they get Bs. I personally have no problem with them going to West Virginia. I do have a problem with them wasting their time in HS not getting an education. |