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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school.   Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself.  My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received.  My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety.  All this needs to stop!  We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect!  If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast.  The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

[url]https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting[/url][/quote]

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

[/quote]

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of  the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?[/quote]

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS. [/quote]

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off. [/quote]

Wow! Perfect child! She'd fit right in at Ivy's! Then she'll realize...muahahahaha[/quote]

She is not perfect, but she is very sweet and down to earth. She is very mature, loves to travel around the world and knows very well that there is a life outside the college. [/quote]

Yup, knows very well that there is a life outside the college because she's still in high school. She's a time traveler too! [/quote]

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