The college arms race is harming us as parents and making our kids sick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a cultural problem -- not just a family issue, especially in schools where there are lots of families who are obsessed with college admissions and see it as a really high-stakes process. The number of DC's friends who were in therapy skyrocketed junior year and the stress levels remained high throughout senior year. Empathetic kids who are not dealing with these pressures personally still find themselves taking care of friends who are, walking on eggshells, keeping quiet about their own plans and not asking about others, etc.

At a policy level, I think getting rid of all forms of early action/decision and having every kid get every admissions decision at once would make things better. And superscoring has been a cash cow for College Board but makes the pressure start earlier and last longer for students. Our largely privatized approach to elite education creates collective action problems that get in the way of addressing the crazy kinds of stress we're subjecting (UMC?) teens to these days.

It's definitely an issue that has infiltrated our culture. We are a typical family. My dh works an IT job and I am a nurse. We went to good, but average schools...GMU and VT, and encourage our kids to do their best, but wouldn't want them to go somewhere like Harvard even if they could get in. Our HS dd literally has panic attacks over grades. She gets mostly As, with the occasional B or C, and is convinced that she will never be able to get into a "good college" so she can go to a "good med school." She wants to be a doctor, and the culture of this area has convinced her that a B in Geometry can completely alter her future. It's crazy, and unhealthy, and even the kids who have laid back parents with zero pressure at home are learning it from school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was you 4 years ago. My son attended the gifted center for elementary, Takoma Park for middle until the end of 7th grade when he knew he didn't want to apply for Blair, we then switched him to our home middle school in 8th and he went to his home high school where he was a big fish little pond and took 10 AP's.

He got into UMCP direct admit business school/gemstone program and VA Tech Engineering. He chose to attend South Carolina for International Business (#1 ranked school for International Business in the country) due to merit aid and being able to go out of state for the same amount of money as the cost of staying instate. You would have thought from the reaction of extended family and friends that he turned down Harvard and chose to attend PoDunk University.

Once my son arrived in Carolina he knew he made the right choice. He has enjoyed SEC football, a vibrant college town and gotten a great education. Tell you daughter that no matter what she chose at this stage she would be second guessing and scared. Her choice is not written in stone, if she hates it she can re-evaluate next year.

Good luck to all of you with your transition. Anxiety sucks.

Have we corresponded before? My DD was accepted to South Carolina International Business and she is going to go there. I think it really fits with her growing up lifestyle. I have worked overseas for much of her life, and she has lived in at least six countries with me. I work ias an excutive in the International Busienss filed, even though I don't have either an undergraduate or graduate business degree. She speaks two and half languages already. I have arranged for her to work in Europe this summer and to just take some time off. No one in my family thinks she is attending a PoDunk School, but then only one of us ever went to an Ivy. The rest of the family - my siblings - attended either a private like myself (GWU), the University of Florida or West Point. Only the last seemed to be following in my father's footsteps, otherwise we were raised to follow our own drummers.

Truly, for some, nothing is written!

Sorry but your post somewhat loss some credibility when I read the two bold statements....Also, ranking in such niche study areas don't mean shoot, especially in business studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

Pressure can make diamonds or break glass and so it happens that OP's DD is the latter, but I guess we could stop rubbing it in OP's face that they're reaching for stars vicariously through their daughter. I think OP just need to realize that the statement of "The college arms race . . . making our kids sick!" is a product of their own mentality and this thread is them coming to grips with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some children shouldn't go to college, she may eventually sah

Can we ban a pp just because we don't like him/her? I am sure this same pp is trolling and contributing nothing to any thread he/she trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen carefully at the next Christmas cocktail party - the more expensive and exclusive the school, the bigger the gasps and backslaps. Tell somebody your kid - no matter how brilliant or accomplished- is at a state school like George Mason or or VCU and the body language is completely different. Yet if a kid from Jersey got into JMU it would be seen as a huge accomplishment. I guess the moral is the grass is always greener, but these sort of attitudes just add to the madness and pressure.

No, the moral of the story is you're going to the wrong Christmas parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I was you 4 years ago. My son attended the gifted center for elementary, Takoma Park for middle until the end of 7th grade when he knew he didn't want to apply for Blair, we then switched him to our home middle school in 8th and he went to his home high school where he was a big fish little pond and took 10 AP's.

He got into UMCP direct admit business school/gemstone program and VA Tech Engineering. He chose to attend South Carolina for International Business (#1 ranked school for International Business in the country) due to merit aid and being able to go out of state for the same amount of money as the cost of staying instate. You would have thought from the reaction of extended family and friends that he turned down Harvard and chose to attend PoDunk University.

Once my son arrived in Carolina he knew he made the right choice. He has enjoyed SEC football, a vibrant college town and gotten a great education. Tell you daughter that no matter what she chose at this stage she would be second guessing and scared. Her choice is not written in stone, if she hates it she can re-evaluate next year.

Good luck to all of you with your transition. Anxiety sucks.

Have we corresponded before? My DD was accepted to South Carolina International Business and she is going to go there. I think it really fits with her growing up lifestyle. I have worked overseas for much of her life, and she has lived in at least six countries with me. I work ias an excutive in the International Busienss filed, even though I don't have either an undergraduate or graduate business degree. She speaks two and half languages already. I have arranged for her to work in Europe this summer and to just take some time off. No one in my family thinks she is attending a PoDunk School, but then only one of us ever went to an Ivy. The rest of the family - my siblings - attended either a private like myself (GWU), the University of Florida or West Point. Only the last seemed to be following in my father's footsteps, otherwise we were raised to follow our own drummers.

Truly, for some, nothing is written!

Sorry but your post somewhat loss some credibility when I read the two bold statements....Also, ranking in such niche study areas don't mean shoot, especially in business studies.

Note sure whether you are the PP I was addressing, but I am not sure why I lose credibility, when I am stating a fact of my and my daughter's life experience. Oh, well.... It is what is is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a cultural problem -- not just a family issue, especially in schools where there are lots of families who are obsessed with college admissions and see it as a really high-stakes process. The number of DC's friends who were in therapy skyrocketed junior year and the stress levels remained high throughout senior year. Empathetic kids who are not dealing with these pressures personally still find themselves taking care of friends who are, walking on eggshells, keeping quiet about their own plans and not asking about others, etc.

At a policy level, I think getting rid of all forms of early action/decision and having every kid get every admissions decision at once would make things better. And superscoring has been a cash cow for College Board but makes the pressure start earlier and last longer for students. Our largely privatized approach to elite education creates collective action problems that get in the way of addressing the crazy kinds of stress we're subjecting (UMC?) teens to these days.

It's definitely an issue that has infiltrated our culture. We are a typical family. My dh works an IT job and I am a nurse. We went to good, but average schools...GMU and VT, and encourage our kids to do their best, but wouldn't want them to go somewhere like Harvard even if they could get in. Our HS dd literally has panic attacks over grades. She gets mostly As, with the occasional B or C, and is convinced that she will never be able to get into a "good college" so she can go to a "good med school." She wants to be a doctor, and the culture of this area has convinced her that a B in Geometry can completely alter her future. It's crazy, and unhealthy, and even the kids who have laid back parents with zero pressure at home are learning it from school.

This is related to the problem that we just have too few medical schools in the US. If we had more, your daughter wouldn't have to be so stressed about getting the opportunity to do something she wants to do, and is in all probability highly capable of doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Classy.
Here we see the issue in this area.
This pp is telling other people that they must be inadvertently pressuring their kids.
But he/she couldn't post without bragging about their kids effortless straight As in all AP classes and stellar SAT scores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Classy.
Here we see the issue in this area.
This pp is telling other people that they must be inadvertently pressuring their kids.
But he/she couldn't post without bragging about their kids effortless straight As in all AP classes and stellar SAT scores.

You forgot to mention the sports. Kid is a genius and cool as a cucumber because of the sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

I have one junior in HS, others still younger. Junior was able to maintain all As without any pressure (we never asked them for grades and never checking homework after the 3rd grade). She is taking all hard APs (Physics, Chemistry, Algebra, Biology, etc.) and getting all As in them too. She is totally not stressed about college application, refused to go to SAT study program, took first SAT in January and got above 1500 without any preparation. She does sports, so maybe this is takes a pressure off.

Since when is there a Algebra AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has ended up with serious physical illness due to all the pressure at her school and among her peers to get into what is perceived as the "right" school. Her college applications are done and she has chosen a university - not her first or second choice - but one with a highly ranked program in her major and significant financial aid. Despite this, she keeps doubting herself. My wife and I have told her to stop worrying ( something I was surprised to hear my DW say, since she is IMHO an overbearing parent and only I moderate her influence on DD) and to gratefully accept what she has received. My DD is now seeing a therapist because of all the anxiety this has created, and she is on serious medications for what could be a lifelong chronic illness caused by all the anxiety. All this needs to stop! We are not helping are kids by demanding they be perfect! If having a happy, healthy daughter with a C average means having a happy, healthy daughter, I will take that over the A+ with the perfect mix of ECs and the Ivy admittance!

I am a big fan of Julie Lythcott - Haims, formerly a Dean of Admissions at Stanford, noted author of "How to Raise an Adult" and the host of the "Getting In" podcast. The purpose of raising out kids is to raise them to be happy , successful adults, and, contrary to some popular opinions on these boards, happy and successful adults do come out other universities and colleges other than the very small number of them who reject the majority of their applicants yet which many parents seem to focus all their attention as the key to good and happy life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting

But you have to realize that over all these years of her school career starting back in K, that you created and sustained the atmosphere and pressure.

I would say hindsight is 20/20 but you seem pretty educated so I would guess you knew all along that this could happen to your child, you just kept believing it would not.

I am curious to hear from the OP too. I don't believe that the child who was raised with a strong moral values and character will bend under the peer pressure. I also have kids in FCPS and I don't believe that school can put any pressure. It is just a flows of the character of the child who broke down with the slightest pressure.

OP, can you honestly says that neither you or your wife were pressuring her for years (maybe indirectly, like admiring someone who got to Yale or something like that)?

How old are your kids, pp? My kids definitely sense pressure in FCPS.

Who is pressing them?

My daughter's teammates got admitted to Ivys and she is truly happy for them and admires their work ethics. However, it has no influence on where she will be applying (she has two Ivys on her college list, but none of the one that her friends are going too). She has an interest in very particular program, and she is researching colleges who provided the best curriculum for that program. So, I don't feel like her peers admission to a prestigious school have any influence on her choice of colleges.