Long term affairs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 year affair. I don't think about her that often. My level of thinking of her is correlated with how much sex DW is having with me, less sex and I think more about ex AP.

Do you tell your wife this?

Oh hell no. She doesn't know about the affair. It's in the past and will stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or be happy with yourself and kids..hoping he slips on a banana peel.


That is the BEST! I love it!!!

Why would anyone want to live with this mentality? If you really hate the other person that much and don't think anything can be done to fix it, why stay? If it is because of the kids, they will eventually see through the fake happiness, the second thing that makes any sense is if you have put yourself into a financial pickle and have to rely on his money...otherwise, why in the world stay married to someone you wish would die? That is not healthy on any level and it is not good for your children, no matter how you might want to spin it as "we are providing a healthy home environment." I call BS on that!! Either forgive completely and move forward, or leave...don't harbor hate and resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or be happy with yourself and kids..hoping he slips on a banana peel.


That is the BEST! I love it!!!

Why would anyone want to live with this mentality? If you really hate the other person that much and don't think anything can be done to fix it, why stay? If it is because of the kids, they will eventually see through the fake happiness, the second thing that makes any sense is if you have put yourself into a financial pickle and have to rely on his money...otherwise, why in the world stay married to someone you wish would die? That is not healthy on any level and it is not good for your children, no matter how you might want to spin it as "we are providing a healthy home environment." I call BS on that!! Either forgive completely and move forward, or leave...don't harbor hate and resentment.

OW hate that the love of their life would rather be with a wife who would love to see their H slip on a banana.

I mean if the AP would rather love a women... His wife that does not 100% love him. Trust him... Want to be with him... what does that say about the love he had for the OW... Not much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or be happy with yourself and kids..hoping he slips on a banana peel.


That is the BEST! I love it!!!

Why would anyone want to live with this mentality? If you really hate the other person that much and don't think anything can be done to fix it, why stay? If it is because of the kids, they will eventually see through the fake happiness, the second thing that makes any sense is if you have put yourself into a financial pickle and have to rely on his money...otherwise, why in the world stay married to someone you wish would die? That is not healthy on any level and it is not good for your children, no matter how you might want to spin it as "we are providing a healthy home environment." I call BS on that!! Either forgive completely and move forward, or leave...don't harbor hate and resentment.

OW hate that the love of their life would rather be with a wife who would love to see their H slip on a banana.

I mean if the AP would rather love a women... His wife that does not 100% love him. Trust him... Want to be with him... what does that say about the love he had for the OW... Not much.

Somebody needs to believe her DH loved her through allllllllllllll his cheating and isn't doing it now, and isn't only with her in order to not split custody and money...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or be happy with yourself and kids..hoping he slips on a banana peel.


That is the BEST! I love it!!!

Why would anyone want to live with this mentality? If you really hate the other person that much and don't think anything can be done to fix it, why stay? If it is because of the kids, they will eventually see through the fake happiness, the second thing that makes any sense is if you have put yourself into a financial pickle and have to rely on his money...otherwise, why in the world stay married to someone you wish would die? That is not healthy on any level and it is not good for your children, no matter how you might want to spin it as "we are providing a healthy home environment." I call BS on that!! Either forgive completely and move forward, or leave...don't harbor hate and resentment.

You can turn that around asking the same question to the cheater. Why cheat and mess up what you have for years? Compromise, get therapy or get divorced. No one was talking about hatred in that post. Some on here are stuck because of finances and can't divorce right away. The wife can move on even if she is married or is waiting until the kids are older or grown. More women are learning hopefully that happiness doesn't revolve around 1 man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or be happy with yourself and kids..hoping he slips on a banana peel.


That is the BEST! I love it!!!

#1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

OP, what do you get out of this marriage? OMG, do you have any self-worth whatsoever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

OP, what do you get out of this marriage? OMG, do you have any self-worth whatsoever?

He's not going to leave his wife, OW. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

OP, what do you get out of this marriage? OMG, do you have any self-worth whatsoever?

He's not going to leave his wife, OW. Get over it.

Make sure your STD panels are up to date! And of course he loves you and only you and the other women, uh, woman, are not as good even though you weren't close to enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Transparency is good in theory but so easy to avoid. Here honey, here is my computer and all my passwords. Except for that new email account I just opened that you don't know about so never think to look for.

In the end you either trust or you don't.

Yup. As I say to my husband, who says he's transparent now--we both know how easy it is to open more accounts, have a burner phone, etc etc etc. You can pretend to be transparent, and I won't know. I'm not going to waste my time checking up on you, either. So go through the motions and treat me right, and I will attempt to live without trust.

Or be happy with yourself and kids..hoping he slips on a banana peel. After something like that I wouldn't care about him even if I stayed. Many stay because of kids and financial realities.

Well, it's been three years now, and we're still working on it every day. I don't think I'll ever trust him again, but I live with it, for now. It would be easier for me to leave, but I don't have the financial means, and I wouldn't trust him with the kids during visitation. I'm very positive about things, as much as I can be, and spend these years focusing on working on myself, raising the kids, and treating him and myself with kindness and compassion. We'll see how it goes.

The big one is not knowing who they will have around your kids. Another woman whose kids have problems, or she is a big problem. I've seen some pretty big messes with divorced friends. Sad for the kids all the way around.

Bingo. That was one of the things I meant about not trusting him with the kids. He wasn't necessarily crushing on and getting responses from nice women. We're talking scary sociopaths and raging personality disorders. Yeah, they were definitely a change from what he had at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

OP, what do you get out of this marriage? OMG, do you have any self-worth whatsoever?

He's not going to leave his wife, OW. Get over it.

Make sure your STD panels are up to date! And of course he loves you and only you and the other women, uh, woman, are not as good even though you weren't close to enough.

Wow, one bitter hag is certainly out today! No wonder he's thinking about someone else, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

No. Most of us do not was to be Hepburn in RH.

Escape from life for a weekend, why not?

You DH/DW allowed to escape life for a weekend with someone else as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

I'm certain he is not contacting her - he is being completely transparent with me about his phone and time etc. But you did answer my question - he wants to but won't because I am in the way. I need to figure out if this is enough for me moving forward.

The fact he is being transparent with his phone does not mean he does not have another phone. It is possible that he has changed, but it is also possible he wants to avoid divorce and is still being unfaithful with her or someone else. And if he is being faithful now how long until that changes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

I'm certain he is not contacting her - he is being completely transparent with me about his phone and time etc. But you did answer my question - he wants to but won't because I am in the way. I need to figure out if this is enough for me moving forward.

Why did you decide to stay together? He was/is obviously in love with her.

Because he loves me and we are a family. I would be lonely and broke without him.

Maybe it's just me but I'd rather be lonely and broke than spend my life with someone who clearly loves someone else more than me. You're lonely and broke now...just in a different way.