Long term affairs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 year affair. I don't think about her that often. My level of thinking of her is correlated with how much sex DW is having with me, less sex and I think more about ex AP.

Do you tell your wife this?

Oh hell no. She doesn't know about the affair. It's in the past and will stay there.

How can you live with yourself? You're a liar and your wife deserves better. So, by not telling her you're essentially forcing her to live her whole life thinking you were faithful. Coward.

She should be able to decide whether to stay or dump your sorry ass.

NP. I don't understand this thinking. Ignorance IS bliss. We should all be so lucky as to live our whole lives believing our spouse was faithful.

I disagree. Cheated-on spouse is forced to live a lie. The cheater knows about the affair, AP knows, and possibly others who were told or found out about it. It's awful to think you could live without confessing your sin to her. You're MARRIED. If you chose to break your vow, she should be able to get out if she chooses. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who had cheated on me. All the blame is on you if it breaks up your happy home, but she should know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First question: do you have kids?

Grown kids yes

Then I am going to say yes. The reason being is that there is nothing worse than cheating when you have children. He is morally deprived and self centered. He is probably still contacting her.

How about cheating that leads to kids? Isn't paternity fraud worse? Tricking a man into raising a kid that isn't his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

I know someone in exactly same situation. I hope we are not talking about the same person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had an affair that lasted many years how often do you think about your ex AP? DH had an affair that lasted for years with my constant suspicion and his numerous cover up lies. After many months of pain and working through our relationship I am wondering how often he thinks of/yearns/wants his ex AP? I know he is not seeing her or going back to her - I can tell this time he is committed to the marriage but I just can't help thinking about what he is thinking. I'm guessing it just takes time?

He probably thinks about her as much as you think about old boyfriends. it becomes less often as time moves forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had an affair that lasted many years how often do you think about your ex AP? DH had an affair that lasted for years with my constant suspicion and his numerous cover up lies. After many months of pain and working through our relationship I am wondering how often he thinks of/yearns/wants his ex AP? I know he is not seeing her or going back to her - I can tell this time he is committed to the marriage but I just can't help thinking about what he is thinking. I'm guessing it just takes time?

He probably thinks about her as much as you think about old boyfriends. it becomes less often as time moves forward.

Or he thinks about her all the time secretly hoping they'll meet again someday. At least that's how I feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Don't know how I missed this one before. This is worse that cheating on your spouse. Can you imagine how DH would feel if he knew his DW looks back fondly on her cheating on him when they were engaged and the possibility she missed by not calling off her engagement and running off with her ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

Both are at fault. Yes, the spouse is the one who lets the affair happen,but both cheating spouse and AP have proved that they have zero respect for marital boundaries, and by extension the betrayed spouse, and that is inexcusable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

This is how you talk yourself into your DH being innocent of his own affair, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

This is how you talk yourself into your DH being innocent of his own affair, correct?

Right. If you can place most of the blame on an external force, you can continue to live with your head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

This is how you talk yourself into your DH being innocent of his own affair, correct?

Right. If you can place most of the blame on an external force, you can continue to live with your head in the sand.

X10000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

[Anonymous]

LOL! My DW's affair ended about 8 years ago but recently she was crazed about trying to remember a password for an account and asked me to look in her directory. The password had the guys initials. I said...WTF...and she didn't have a good answer except to say the password was set up many years ago. Delete this!