Long term affairs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

I will bet money DH did not know she considered running off with previous partner for a Roman Holiday, if he even knows about the affair at all, either that or DH is pretty dumb to have married her. IF DH knows about the affair I bet DH would love to know she still thinks fondly of her short affair as well. She should have just called off the engagement and went on her Roman Holiday. Wonder how many other short affairs she has had in the 20 years, DH is either oblivious or was willing to look the other way when he found out.

[Anonymous]

Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

If his religion condones adultery, I may convert!!

[Anonymous]

Almost 5 yrs. I'm almost positive he told her he broke up with me. It didn't end he just got better at hiding things. I was tired of the back and forth and told him if he wanted to be with me he'd get a divorce. I cut off all contact with him. I blocked his number, refused flowers sent to my job because he didn't have my new adress. Made my friends ignore him when he texted and called them.
He left her a few weeks later. We are together now. I love him very much. With that being said, if I had to do it over again I would have left him alone when she found out. All the drama, and headache wasn't worth it. I had many plenty of offers from other men and I blew theme off. I wish we had begun our relationship under different circumstances. I've met a few members of his family. They were all really nice to me. His Mom and DAD hugged me. But it makes me feel crappy that they all know how our relationship began.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

If his religion condones adultery, I may convert!!

That's what you got out of that post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 year affair. I don't think about her that often. My level of thinking of her is correlated with how much sex DW is having with me, less sex and I think more about ex AP.

Do you tell your wife this?

Oh hell no. She doesn't know about the affair. It's in the past and will stay there.

How can you live with yourself? You're a liar and your wife deserves better. So, by not telling her you're essentially forcing her to live her whole life thinking you were faithful. Coward.

She should be able to decide whether to stay or dump your sorry ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think about mine every day. It's been 2 years since we have spoken. We had a thing going on for almost 8 years.

Me and Mrs. Jones, we had a thing, going on.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

What about your husband? Is it fair to him that you stay married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 year affair. I don't think about her that often. My level of thinking of her is correlated with how much sex DW is having with me, less sex and I think more about ex AP.

Do you tell your wife this?

Oh hell no. She doesn't know about the affair. It's in the past and will stay there.

How can you live with yourself? You're a liar and your wife deserves better. So, by not telling her you're essentially forcing her to live her whole life thinking you were faithful. Coward.

She should be able to decide whether to stay or dump your sorry ass.

NP. I don't understand this thinking. Ignorance IS bliss. We should all be so lucky as to live our whole lives believing our spouse was faithful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

What part don't you get??? You're are merely a hole in the mattress, and his wife is everything. Get some self esteem and find a single guy. Sadly, you are really messed up. You don't go with married people. Didn't your parents teach you this???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

What about your husband? Is it fair to him that you stay married?

She never said she was still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

No. Most of us do not was to be Hepburn in RH.

Escape from life for a weekend, why not?

You DH/DW allowed to escape life for a weekend with someone else as well?

I am willing to bet if she is honest that the answer is that if her DH had a short fling with someone else that it would be a deal breaker. What a lucky DH she has, she cheats on him just before they get married, and thinks it is very romantic and even considered calling off the engagement to follow her previous partner. Her DH got himself a real winner, wonder how often she talks with previous partner still and how many other times she had a fling with him or someone else since. She clearly got away with it once, so she probably thinks she can get away with it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

I will bet money DH did not know she considered running off with previous partner for a Roman Holiday, if he even knows about the affair at all, either that or DH is pretty dumb to have married her. IF DH knows about the affair I bet DH would love to know she still thinks fondly of her short affair as well. She should have just called off the engagement and went on her Roman Holiday. Wonder how many other short affairs she has had in the 20 years, DH is either oblivious or was willing to look the other way when he found out.

Maybe she will tell us if she told him and why he decided to still marry her? If he knows and he doesn't hold it over her head she is one lucky, if unfaithful DW.