Long term affairs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

I hope this is fake. Horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

What part don't you get??? You're are merely a hole in the mattress, and his wife is everything. Get some self esteem and find a single guy. Sadly, you are really messed up. You don't go with married people. Didn't your parents teach you this???

He slept with another woman he probably lives for YEARS. His wife is quite clearly not everything. Neither are you. Get a clue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

You had to make your DH a victim in order to justify his philandering behavior, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

You had to make your DH a victim in order to justify his philandering behavior, huh?

It's not one or another. I am able to hate both participants equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you wives really think calling someone scum is going to make them voluntarily admit to a previous affair or make a woman stop dealing with a married man? If your husband is screwing around on you, he's your sole issue.

Agreed, the AP is not innocent, but it is the cheating DW or DH that is the one harming your relationship. The affair can't happen if they don't cheat. The AP even if the instigator is not cheating on you (they may be cheating on someone else), but for the spouse of the cheater the AP is not the real problem.

The AP is the most problematic of the bunch. They are taking advantage of dysfunction and breaking up families. There are way more fish in the sea, but they like what they are doing.

You had to make your DH a victim in order to justify his philandering behavior, huh?

First off I am a guy. Secondly, I know people that target married women and men. Who do you blame more, the crack dealer or the user? Someone having trouble with their marriage ought not to be viewed as an opportunity to sleep with them. Just find someone else that's not attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has been going on almost 4 years. We talk 4 - 5 days a week and see each other about twice a month.

Why stay in a marriage if you feel the need to have an affair? This is a serious question. It seems unfair to all three people.

He told me upfront he would never leave his wife (she has serious medical issues, unable to work, and there are religious reasons to stay together). I don't necessarily want to be married to him, I am so burned out on so much responsibility, so little fun. Plus I am still raising teenagers.

I know someone in exactly same situation. I hope we are not talking about the same person.

You know the man or the woman in the affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

I hope this is fake. Horrifying.

Unfortunately, not take.

[Anonymous]

If this is not fake, I wish you the best with getting through this issue. Can't be easy.

[Anonymous]

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

So...I take it that you're not a fan of sappy stories either.

[Anonymous]

MWMnoexplanations wrote:Long term monogamy: Realistic or a trap for wife and husband? There are couples whose love and passion remains until one of them dies. I envy them. Are they emotionally well matched? Are their levels of physical desire comparable? If a man or a woman, or both, come into a marriage with unresolved emotional issues/trauma or even undiagnosed mood disorders, that's not going to be a stable, loving marriage. On that, I speak from experience.

Women who've been cheated on might view my comments as too intellectual; too distant. I can understand. But are we given this 'template' of what a perfect marriage looks like by our parents, religion and/or society and when it doesn't meet up to those expectations, our world is shattered. Most of us have emotional baggage or problems, some of which we don't even realize until a specific situation brings it out, such as a marriage. Marriage, even if all the pieces fit, isn't always easy. How many men and women are in deep emotional pain or have been wounded or disrespected by their spouse and that wound never heals, but festers?

Why do you limit this to women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

So...I take it that you're not a fan of sappy stories either.

Definitely not the ones where you wife is talking about running off with her ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

So...I take it that you're not a fan of sappy stories either.

Definitely not the ones where you wife is talking about running off with her ex.

Honestly, although she is still on the hook, I think that she just made this comment to argue with me. Women get really offended by this nonsense. I'm guessing that she's not very bright or her mind just wonders. You're probably not going to believe her on this, so just chalk it up to her being flawed. You have been married 20 years -she gets some leeway for being an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a long term affair, off and on, for 25 years! (Long story...) He became a part of my identity after all that time.
I do still think about him, naturally, but more in a way that I hope he's happy. Not longing or pining for him.

I used to think we had a great love story. With time and distance, I've realized that life is not a romance novel. People move on; they are resilient. Part of being resilient is that you do get to the point where your ex is no longer looming large in your thoughts. I'm certain your husband is well on his way toward this healing-- focusing on the here and now and the future.

Sappy stories like this do not help. It's like the opposite of what needs to happen. I even hate you after that Lifetime story.

I don't think this is sappy. 20 years ago I had a short fling with a previous partner and almost called off my engagement and followed him to a Roman Holiday -(doesn't everyone want to be Hepburn). You move on, but every now and then you think of them as something reminds you of them.

Does your DH know you had a short affair just before you got married? How short weeks, months?

This is the DH who accidentally stumbled upon this because he was searching the history of the browser trying to find a website where he saw a great deal on an aquarium light. Yes I knew that she had a one night stand with her ex, there is a long story behind it. No I did not know she had considered running off to Rome with him nor that she probably would have started dating him again had i called off the wedding. This not the way I wanted to find out.

For all of you that feel the need to share details about an affair or one night stand that you have not share with your spouse on an anonymous website be sure to delete your browsing history. Because your spouse will be curious what their DH or DW is posting in a reply to a forum titled "Long Term Affairs".

I hope this is fake. Horrifying.

Unfortunately, not take.

JFC, so sorry that you had to find out this way about your wife's affair. What are you going to do now? Wishing you all the strength to find your way through this.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, not take.

JFC, so sorry that you had to find out this way about your wife's affair. What are you going to do now? Wishing you all the strength to find your way through this.

I knew she had slept with her ex before our wedding day. I just did not know she had thought about running off to Rome if I had called off the engagement when I found out, nor that she still thinks fondly about it. This is only one of many issues that have come up recently, I caused some myself. Things are far more complicated than just finding out new details about her sleeping with her ex. I expect we will work through it all, it will take a lot of work and likely a decent amount of time. Thanks for the good wishes.