Miss Manners on gender reveal parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only gender reveal party I have been drawn to is a tongue-in-check request for one my friend made where the inside of her cake would be green and a lecture on the damage of gender norms.

This is epic! Your friend is totally invites to my pool/sex dungeon party too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why tacky?
"Do you know what you're having"
"Yes, a girl"
"Congratulations!"

Where's the tackiness?

Although I agree that gender reveal parties are horrible.

I'm not PP and maybe wouldn't describe it is "tacky," but any sort of big announcement of a baby's sex does make me uncomfortable. We told people when they asked like you're describing, but we never made, like, a Facebook announcement of the sex or told anyone who didn't ask. It just doesn't seem like it should be as important as people sometimes treat it. And people attach so much weird stuff to the sex of a baby who hasn't even been born yet. Like, the only thing the ultrasound told me was that my daughter had female genitalia, not anything about her personality. And she could grow up to be a lesbian, or trans, or whatever. People start saying all that creepy stuff like calling baby girls heartbreakers or flirts or talking about how much trouble they'll be as teenagers or whatever and just ugh. I'm sure there are similar things people say about baby boys. It just seems like putting so much artificial social stuff on a kid who hasn't even been born yet.

I also hate gender reveal parties, but PP was saying that telling people the gender at all is tacky. I still don't understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only gender reveal party I have been drawn to is a tongue-in-check request for one my friend made where the inside of her cake would be green and a lecture on the damage of gender norms.

Ha, that's great! My DH wanted to cut open a cake that would be yellow inside, and say "It's a human!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hate knowing the gender ahead of time. My friends post their gender and the name at the same time and it's sort of anticlimatic. Obviously not everyone feels that way though.

I truly wish there was a party you could have, like a shower, but without gifts.

There is. It's called a party.

"Please come to my house/pool/boat/sex dungeon/whatever for a party! I'm super exicted to have such wonderful friends to share my life with."

Yes... but I wanted it to be a little more about celebrating the pregnancy and my life changing. I didn't have a shower but I wanted something to mark the occasion of baby. I did do a "meet the baby" party afterwards, but it wasn't as low key as a shower.

How about just "celebrate" your pregnancy with close family or very close friends? Because no one else cares.

Anyway, I love what Miss Manners has to say! As a first time mom in my early 30s, I am totally aware that most other people will not care about stuff related to my baby as much as I do. Why is this so hard for people to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only gender reveal party I have been drawn to is a tongue-in-check request for one my friend made where the inside of her cake would be green and a lecture on the damage of gender norms.

Ha, that's great! My DH wanted to cut open a cake that would be yellow inside, and say "It's a human!"

People like pp and your husband need to get over themselves. It's not that serious

-never knew the sex of my kids and I'm not a fan of gender reveal parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

Do it the old fashioned way, and pick up the phone. " Hey mom, find out we're having a boy. See you on the 18th."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Then make that choice for yourself and your kids and let other people find out without judgment. You proclaiming people who find out are tacky is just as bad as people claiming people who don't find out are selfish or backward.

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannot "share your happiness" -- you will merely be sharing information and throwing yourself a party to celebrate you. Which is why this is not the great idea you think it is.

[Anonymous]

I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why tacky?
"Do you know what you're having"
"Yes, a girl"
"Congratulations!"

Where's the tackiness?

Although I agree that gender reveal parties are horrible.

I'm not PP and maybe wouldn't describe it is "tacky," but any sort of big announcement of a baby's sex does make me uncomfortable. We told people when they asked like you're describing, but we never made, like, a Facebook announcement of the sex or told anyone who didn't ask. It just doesn't seem like it should be as important as people sometimes treat it. And people attach so much weird stuff to the sex of a baby who hasn't even been born yet. Like, the only thing the ultrasound told me was that my daughter had female genitalia, not anything about her personality. And she could grow up to be a lesbian, or trans, or whatever. People start saying all that creepy stuff like calling baby girls heartbreakers or flirts or talking about how much trouble they'll be as teenagers or whatever and just ugh. I'm sure there are similar things people say about baby boys. It just seems like putting so much artificial social stuff on a kid who hasn't even been born yet.

I couldn't agree more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

Big difference between "don't know" and "won't share". One is fine since you really can't, and the other just makes you sound smug and self satisfied. People don't actually give a shit about your baby, they're just feigning interest anyway. Surely you know that?

Yikes, ok. Sorry I offended you by honestly answering a question? I would love it if total strangers didn't ask unsolicited questions about my pregnancy, but lots of people do and I try to always respond politely. Should I assume they don't actually give a shit and walk away without answering? Jeez.

Yes. Why would you think the grocery store clerk actually cares about your baby? Of course they are just making conversation. Just say you don't know. Or show your true colors and ignore them since you feel they are intrusive. Have trouble with social cues, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why tacky?
"Do you know what you're having"
"Yes, a girl" it
"Congratulations!"

Where's the tackiness?

Although I agree that gender reveal parties are horrible.

I'm not PP and maybe wouldn't describe it is "tacky," but any sort of big announcement of a baby's sex does make me uncomfortable. We told people when they asked like you're describing, but we never made, like, a Facebook announcement of the sex or told anyone who didn't ask. It just doesn't seem like it should be as important as people sometimes treat it. And people attach so much weird stuff to the sex of a baby who hasn't even been born yet. Like, the only thing the ultrasound told me was that my daughter had female genitalia, not anything about her personality. And she could grow up to be a lesbian, or trans, or whatever. People start saying all that creepy stuff like calling baby girls heartbreakers or flirts or talking about how much trouble they'll be as teenagers or whatever and just ugh. I'm sure there are similar things people say about baby boys. It just seems like putting so much artificial social stuff on a kid who hasn't even been born yet.

I also hate gender reveal parties, but PP was saying that telling people the gender at all is tacky. I still don't understand why.

DIfferent PP. That's not the way I read it. I think that PP was saying that it was tacky to "reveal" the gender like some sort of announcement or making it big news. Telling people the gender is fine, but don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

Big difference between "don't know" and "won't share". One is fine since you really can't, and the other just makes you sound smug and self satisfied. People don't actually give a shit about your baby, they're just feigning interest anyway. Surely you know that?

Yikes, ok. Sorry I offended you by honestly answering a question? I would love it if total strangers didn't ask unsolicited questions about my pregnancy, but lots of people do and I try to always respond politely. Should I assume they don't actually give a shit and walk away without answering? Jeez.

Yes. Why would you think the grocery store clerk actually cares about your baby? Of course they are just making conversation. Just say you don't know. Or show your true colors and ignore them since you feel they are intrusive. Have trouble with social cues, do you?

You spend your time insulting strangers on the internet but I'm the one with a problem. Cool. Enjoy your life of pointless nastiness and judgment. I hope it brings you joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

[Anonymous]

I waited till the baby was born, you know the old fashioned way.