Miss Manners on gender reveal parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've yet to go to a gender party where the parents don't already know the gender. Lame! I want to see the parents reactions when they find out for the first time!

I have only been to one gender reveal party and clearly the parents didn't know as the mother burst into tears when she learned she as having a third boy. Really awkward for the guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Thank you, PP. Gender is not known at/ before birth. Sex is/ can be. Why do so many people not know/ understand the difference between sex and gender? Ignorance abounds.

[Anonymous]

What is Miss Manner's take on Sprinkles? I loathe them and refuse to attend as I think they are rude, gift-grabs. I also like people less who have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Thank you, PP. Gender is not known at/ before birth. Sex is/ can be. Why do so many people not know/ understand the difference between sex and gender? Ignorance abounds.

Because throwing a "sex reveal party" would sound very strange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Thank you, PP. Gender is not known at/ before birth. Sex is/ can be. Why do so many people not know/ understand the difference between sex and gender? Ignorance abounds.

Maybe because the vast majority of people on planet earth are the same gender and sex?!?! It's not like most people are undergoing sex changes.

[Anonymous]

My friend had a gender reveal shower. It gave the hosts something to base the activities around. It was fun and not particularly obnoxious, IMHO, and I'm they type to get annoyed by these sorts of things.

It's possible to do this without being annoying, but it requires starting with good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

They are still being Look at me by involving the sales person. If they wanted it to be just between them they would have take the envelope from the tech, gone to lunch opened the envelope and then bought the matching gender outfit.

PP and her DH were still being extra and cut from the same cloth as the reveal party people.

It's as sales person who was asked to read a piece of paper and do her job which is to sell clothing and gift wrap. I don't see what is so extra here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is Miss Manner's take on Sprinkles? I loathe them and refuse to attend as I think they are rude, gift-grabs. I also like people less who have them.

The name, Sprinkles, really bugs. It reminds me of pee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

I say this kindly.... nobody cares about it. Everyone is *happy* but I really don't think anyone cares about a child's gender except for the parents.

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

OMG I am dying at McPaisley! I only differ from you in one respect- if the expectant parents want to tell you all that, fine. They just don't need to have parties for it. And they are just idiots for telling a name before the baby is born, but that has been discussed on here so many times! Like you, I just like an announcement after the baby is born (in the mail please) with all the details!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

Big difference between "don't know" and "won't share". One is fine since you really can't, and the other just makes you sound smug and self satisfied. People don't actually give a shit about your baby, they're just feigning interest anyway. Surely you know that?

Yikes, ok. Sorry I offended you by honestly answering a question? I would love it if total strangers didn't ask unsolicited questions about my pregnancy, but lots of people do and I try to always respond politely. Should I assume they don't actually give a shit and walk away without answering? Jeez.

Yes. Why would you think the grocery store clerk actually cares about your baby? Of course they are just making conversation. Just say you don't know. Or show your true colors and ignore them since you feel they are intrusive. Have trouble with social cues, do you?

You spend your time insulting strangers on the internet but I'm the one with a problem. Cool. Enjoy your life of pointless nastiness and judgment. I hope it brings you joy.

I have to side with the Previous PP here. Far too many people have trouble with social cues. Maybe you caught PPP on a bad day (I get fed up after a visit with MIL who thinks that everyone (including store clerks) wants to hear about her latest surgery). But yes, far too many people seem to have problems with niceties, etiquette, oversharing, etc. It would be nice if everyone brushed up on it, and yes, we do reach our limits with y'all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Completely agree. OMG, WTH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

They are still being Look at me by involving the sales person. If they wanted it to be just between them they would have take the envelope from the tech, gone to lunch opened the envelope and then bought the matching gender outfit.

PP and her DH were still being extra and cut from the same cloth as the reveal party people.

It's as sales person who was asked to read a piece of paper and do her job which is to sell clothing and gift wrap. I don't see what is so extra here

This sounds like a lovely tradition between you and your husband, but the sales person was probably rolling her eyes and complained later about the high maintenance couple who made her restock an item that they had no intention of buying. Also, it would be hilarious if she intentionally wrapped the wrong one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Oh stuff it. It's the two of them. There's no reality aspect, and what a cute memory for the two parents to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

They are still being Look at me by involving the sales person. If they wanted it to be just between them they would have take the envelope from the tech, gone to lunch opened the envelope and then bought the matching gender outfit.

PP and her DH were still being extra and cut from the same cloth as the reveal party people.

It's as sales person who was asked to read a piece of paper and do her job which is to sell clothing and gift wrap. I don't see what is so extra here

This sounds like a lovely tradition between you and your husband, but the sales person was probably rolling her eyes and complained later about the high maintenance couple who made her restock an item that they had no intention of buying. Also, it would be hilarious if she intentionally wrapped the wrong one.

If you've ever worked retail, you'd know how stupidly off base you sound. Retail can be such drudgery. This would be such a cute experience to be part of.

PS, you have to put restock or reshop or new drops away every night before close. One outfit does not make or break the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hate knowing the gender ahead of time. My friends post their gender and the name at the same time and it's sort of anticlimatic. Obviously not everyone feels that way though.

I truly wish there was a party you could have, like a shower, but without gifts.

I found out the sex of one of my babies ahead of time, but not the other. I can assure you, there was nothing anticlimactic about either of their births. There was a wonderful mystery to be unwrapped each time. What would the baby look like? What would the baby's temperament be like? Etc. Which side the baby fell on with regard to 50/50 odds is such a small, often insignificant, part of his/her being.