Miss Manners on gender reveal parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm super excited to hear the sex of new nieces and nephews. Couldn't really give a crap about anyone else's future kid. An announcement at a family get together is plenty, no need to throw a separate party.

This. I find it mind-boggling that a couple interested in finding out the sex of their baby has someone else figure it out first just so they can cut open some damn cake. Find out from the blood test or ultrasound and be done with it. When friends tell me the sex of their baby, I will say appropriate things, but anyone who is not family really doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl. I am genuinely happy for friends who want kids and get pregnant but that happiness does not extend to caring about the sex of the child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

Maybe at Nordstrom they'll do this for you. I'm picturing a sales clerk at Macy's or Sears and what they'd say if you told them to open an envelope with personal news, pick the correct outfirt, wrap it, etc. Most of the places I shop are barely civil when you're just buying their stuff. No way would they participate in something like this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

May I add to PP? You missed a few steps!

1.)The pregnancy is announced as soon as humanly possible from your bathroom

- include photo proof of urine-soaked stick on granite countertop across all social media platforms (your blog and Instagram, et al)

- call elderly relatives and Luddite friends to announce the news that you're 6w pregnant

2.) repeat above after your first OB appointment (tap the brakes; your OB might make you wait an intolerable 8w, if so, blog and post away your frustrations)

3) plan social media strategy just after you have first sonogram, even if sex unable to be determined!

4) once you get that conclusive sonogram...blast off! Don't hold anything back! Tell the world.

5) immediately decide on first and middle names and only refer to baby as such for the duration of your pregnancy- about six months

6.) 3D sonogram? Great! Now we can figure out who McPaisley Andrianiah looks like!

By the time your baby is born, *yawn* we're collectively relieved and frankly, a little underwhelmed

Addendum to step 5 - create your own baby name hashtag that you use in your incessant social media posts! #babymcpaisleyandrianah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've yet to go to a gender party where the parents don't already know the gender. Lame! I want to see the parents reactions when they find out for the first time!

I certainly have, I've been to one where the dad went completely silent and wouldn't talk to anyone for 20 minutes after finding out their baby was a girl. Awkward!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've yet to go to a gender party where the parents don't already know the gender. Lame! I want to see the parents reactions when they find out for the first time!

I certainly have, I've been to one where the dad went completely silent and wouldn't talk to anyone for 20 minutes after finding out their baby was a girl. Awkward!

At least it makes for a funny story for the guests! Last one I went to the mom and dad already knew the gender (and were disappointed). They made us all get on sides before they would cut the cake and we had to take bets. I chose the girl side and wondered if she was mad at us for not wanting the boy she was having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Thank you, PP. Gender is not known at/ before birth. Sex is/ can be. Why do so many people not know/ understand the difference between sex and gender? Ignorance abounds.

Because throwing a "sex reveal party" would sound very strange?

Unless it was held I the aforementioned sex dungeon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

Maybe at Nordstrom they'll do this for you. I'm picturing a sales clerk at Macy's or Sears and what they'd say if you told them to open an envelope with personal news, pick the correct outfirt, wrap it, etc. Most of the places I shop are barely civil when you're just buying their stuff. No way would they participate in something like this!

This is why we went there. Ha!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the Washington Post today -

Dear Miss Manners: I am pregnant and would like to throw a gender-reveal party. (It’s a party for the identification of the sex of the baby.) I worry that this party might be construed as a rude attempt for gifts.

I don’t want any gifts, and this isn’t a baby shower, nor am I expecting one. I just want to share the joy with family and friends and provide food and games. But would the whole idea still be considered tacky?

Yes. Miss Manners believes that your intentions are good and that you simply want to share joyous news. So she hates to be a wet blanket (in a gender-neutral color, of course), but feels compelled to tell you something that will save you time and friendships in the future as a mother.

Not everyone is as excited as you are about every detail of your child’s life. It’s best to know this now, before you start going on Facebook announcing baby’s first spit-up, or throwing parties for when he or she sleeps through the night.

The particular new ritual you mention — and there really isn’t a correct term for this made-up event — is farcical. Cakes are cut to reveal pink or blue insides, bets are taken and teams are formed. (One acquaintance of Miss Manners attended such an event and said that the mother-to-be was so distraught when she didn’t get the gender she wanted that she started blaming the guests for jinxing it.) It is no wonder that guests assume a gift is required as the price of admission to these absurd theatrics.

The fact is that you will actually get more profound and prolonged joy if you reveal (or “identify’’) the gender one by one to individuals who you think might genuinely be excited by the news. Gathering around at a party waiting to hear and celebrate the announcement of one of only two possible choices is not a party-worthy event — and it is not dignified. There will be plenty of parties in your future filled with games and silly cakes. Save the fun for then.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-revealing-babys-gender-is-not-a-party-worthy-event/2017/02/06/cb9bb828-df90-11e6-918c-99ede3c8cafa_story.html

The gender reveal party is being repurposed and is no longer for newborns but for older kids (and adults!) who have chosen to identify with the gender not corresponding to their biological one. Some of these new parties can rival bar/bat mitzvahs and weddings in their cost and scope and send a clear message that such a change is cause for celebration and not consternation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've yet to go to a gender party where the parents don't already know the gender. Lame! I want to see the parents reactions when they find out for the first time!

I certainly have, I've been to one where the dad went completely silent and wouldn't talk to anyone for 20 minutes after finding out their baby was a girl. Awkward!

At least it makes for a funny story for the guests! Last one I went to the mom and dad already knew the gender (and were disappointed). They made us all get on sides before they would cut the cake and we had to take bets. I chose the girl side and wondered if she was mad at us for not wanting the boy she was having.

I don't get this. I can (sort of) understand a gender reveal party/activity if NO ONE knows. It is the height of craziness and conceit to have a gender reveal party when the parents already know the sex. WTF? I went to a party similar to the PP - the parents already knew, and they had us place bets. It is like, I love you, I am excited for you, but this is just too extra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

May I add to PP? You missed a few steps!

1.)The pregnancy is announced as soon as humanly possible from your bathroom

- include photo proof of urine-soaked stick on granite countertop across all social media platforms (your blog and Instagram, et al)

- call elderly relatives and Luddite friends to announce the news that you're 6w pregnant

2.) repeat above after your first OB appointment (tap the brakes; your OB might make you wait an intolerable 8w, if so, blog and post away your frustrations)

3) plan social media strategy just after you have first sonogram, even if sex unable to be determined!

4) once you get that conclusive sonogram...blast off! Don't hold anything back! Tell the world.

5) immediately decide on first and middle names and only refer to baby as such for the duration of your pregnancy- about six months

6.) 3D sonogram? Great! Now we can figure out who McPaisley Andrianiah looks like!

By the time your baby is born, *yawn* we're collectively relieved and frankly, a little underwhelmed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

May I add to PP? You missed a few steps!

1.)The pregnancy is announced as soon as humanly possible from your bathroom

- include photo proof of urine-soaked stick on granite countertop across all social media platforms (your blog and Instagram, et al)

- call elderly relatives and Luddite friends to announce the news that you're 6w pregnant

2.) repeat above after your first OB appointment (tap the brakes; your OB might make you wait an intolerable 8w, if so, blog and post away your frustrations)

3) plan social media strategy just after you have first sonogram, even if sex unable to be determined!

4) once you get that conclusive sonogram...blast off! Don't hold anything back! Tell the world.

5) immediately decide on first and middle names and only refer to baby as such for the duration of your pregnancy- about six months

6.) 3D sonogram? Great! Now we can figure out who McPaisley Andrianiah looks like!

By the time your baby is born, *yawn* we're collectively relieved and frankly, a little underwhelmed

A bit off-topic but those 3D sonograms are creepy as hell. I didn't want one but the tech insisted that's the only picture I was going to get. Baby was 22 weeks and looked like something out a tabloid -- you know, Face Found On Mars. The 26 week scan (I have to go monthly) was a lot better but I'd still vastly prefer the old kind with just the profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

Big difference between "don't know" and "won't share". One is fine since you really can't, and the other just makes you sound smug and self satisfied. People don't actually give a shit about your baby, they're just feigning interest anyway. Surely you know that?

Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Thank you, PP. Gender is not known at/ before birth. Sex is/ can be. Why do so many people not know/ understand the difference between sex and gender? Ignorance abounds.

Oh, please. This entire thread was making me vomit and then I got to your post. Guess what...if the sonogram shows a penis it's a boy. If not, it's a girl. You're the one promoting ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Thank you, PP. Gender is not known at/ before birth. Sex is/ can be. Why do so many people not know/ understand the difference between sex and gender? Ignorance abounds.

Oh, please. This entire thread was making me vomit and then I got to your post. Guess what...if the sonogram shows a penis it's a boy. If not, it's a girl. You're the one promoting ignorance.

You're right that the sonogram shows those things. It does not show gender. Try educating yourself on the difference.