Miss Manners on gender reveal parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the pinterestification of America. Take a regular event and make it expensive and time-consuming, and make it sound like it's required.
Honestly, I had never heard of engagement photos until I discovered Pinterest. Never occurred to me to decorate my house for Valentine's Day, or to make a whole spread of heart-shaped foods.

I have Middle Eastern in-laws who get mad at you if you're not having a boy. I imagine that would be fun at a gender reveal party!

I would be on board with this. If I'm going to a gender reveal party I want some drama. Otherwise, boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

This is weirder than a gender reveal party. So what would happen if the baby wasn't healthy. I also call bs that you did this with kids after your first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

This is weirder than a gender reveal party. So what would happen if the baby wasn't healthy. I also call bs that you did this with kids after your first.

Original pp here. Did this with both kids. I think my point is that I get why people get excited because I was but I did something a bit more private to celebrate. I don't know why you care whether my husband and I did this since it impacted no one but feel free to roll your eyes. It's a favorite memory of mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hate knowing the gender ahead of time. My friends post their gender and the name at the same time and it's sort of anticlimatic. Obviously not everyone feels that way though.

I truly wish there was a party you could have, like a shower, but without gifts.

There is. It's called a party.

"Please come to my house/pool/boat/sex dungeon/whatever for a party! I'm super exicted to have such wonderful friends to share my life with."

Yes... but I wanted it to be a little more about celebrating the pregnancy and my life changing. I didn't have a shower but I wanted something to mark the occasion of baby. I did do a "meet the baby" party afterwards, but it wasn't as low key as a shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the need for a party, but I understand why it's special to learn your baby's sex. We always did something special the day we got the maternity 21 results. We were usually worried, first, about the baby's health and whether there was an issue. Once we got assurance the baby was fine, we had the doctor write down the sex in an envelope and seal it. We'd then go to brunch and Nordstrom's baby department, pick cute outfits out in either sex, and hand the sales person the envelope and credit card. We'd leave for 15 minutes or so, the sales person would run the charge and wrap the "right" outfit.

That night we usually went out to nice dinner and unwrapped the present. It was fun and special even though it was just us.

Rolling my eyes... This is to set yourself apart from the "party" people by doing a different version of a reality show with and elaborate ritual involving a doctor and a Nordie's salesperson...

Not the PP. I think it is sweet. And if it's between the soon-to-be parents, why would you care? They're not making it a "Look at me! Look at me!" event.

They are still being Look at me by involving the sales person. If they wanted it to be just between them they would have take the envelope from the tech, gone to lunch opened the envelope and then bought the matching gender outfit.

PP and her DH were still being extra and cut from the same cloth as the reveal party people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

I say this kindly.... nobody cares about it. Everyone is *happy* but I really don't think anyone cares about a child's gender except for the parents.

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only gender reveal party I have been drawn to is a tongue-in-check request for one my friend made where the inside of her cake would be green and a lecture on the damage of gender norms.

Ha, that's great! My DH wanted to cut open a cake that would be yellow inside, and say "It's a human!"

People like pp and your husband need to get over themselves. It's not that serious

-never knew the sex of my kids and I'm not a fan of gender reveal parties.

It was a joke...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What?! Why did you have a vaginal ultrasound to find out gender?! I'm calling bs. I only had a vaginal one at 6 weeks to see viability/heartbeat. At 10+ weeks you can do a regular stomach ultrasound.

Because everyone is just like you.

Thanks PP. yes, PPP, go ahead and call bs you asshole. I had complications with my cervix so every sonogram was vaginal. That is really how I found out. Wow you are such an asshole. Seriously. Think before you type. Asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Wow your MIL truly sounds horrible for wanting to buy you baby gifts. What a horrible person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

May I add to PP? You missed a few steps!

1.)The pregnancy is announced as soon as humanly possible from your bathroom

- include photo proof of urine-soaked stick on granite countertop across all social media platforms (your blog and Instagram, et al)

- call elderly relatives and Luddite friends to announce the news that you're 6w pregnant

2.) repeat above after your first OB appointment (tap the brakes; your OB might make you wait an intolerable 8w, if so, blog and post away your frustrations)

3) plan social media strategy just after you have first sonogram, even if sex unable to be determined!

4) once you get that conclusive sonogram...blast off! Don't hold anything back! Tell the world.

5) immediately decide on first and middle names and only refer to baby as such for the duration of your pregnancy- about six months

6.) 3D sonogram? Great! Now we can figure out who McPaisley Andrianiah looks like!

By the time your baby is born, *yawn* we're collectively relieved and frankly, a little underwhelmed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, this. Frankly I prefer to hear all the news after child is born. When you already announce that its a girl, named McPaisley, and you have scheduled a c-section for April 1, meh. Its kind of anticlimactic for the actual birth. Leave a little mystery in your life.

May I add to PP? You missed a few steps!

1.)The pregnancy is announced as soon as humanly possible from your bathroom

- include photo proof of urine-soaked stick on granite countertop across all social media platforms (your blog and Instagram, et al)

- call elderly relatives and Luddite friends to announce the news that you're 6w pregnant

2.) repeat above after your first OB appointment (tap the brakes; your OB might make you wait an intolerable 8w, if so, blog and post away your frustrations)

3) plan social media strategy just after you have first sonogram, even if sex unable to be determined!

4) once you get that conclusive sonogram...blast off! Don't hold anything back! Tell the world.

5) immediately decide on first and middle names and only refer to baby as such for the duration of your pregnancy- about six months

6.) 3D sonogram? Great! Now we can figure out who McPaisley Andrianiah looks like!

By the time your baby is born, *yawn* we're collectively relieved and frankly, a little underwhelmed when we read the post that you're posting from the delivery room, complete with dramatic pictures of feet taken by your professional birth photographer, but with your phone so you could post to share your happiness, even before your placenta had birthed

Just added the end for ya. This doesn't include everything else flooding social media going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Wow your MIL truly sounds horrible for wanting to buy you baby gifts. What a horrible person!

Nothing prevented her from buying gender neutral items or waiting to buy until the baby is born. Or giving gift certificates. See how many options? Wanting to go to the sonography when the mother to be did not invite you there is indeed horrible and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes! My peeps! I HAVE said it in real-life: there is no greater joy (to me) than NOT finding out and being surprised (or not) in the delivery room. I'm three for three on this, too. That's right, I did not want to know the *sex* of my babies, ever... and I had three.

Not finding out truly rankled my MIL (and further bolstered my bitchy conviction that I was never going to find out because SHE so wanted to know in advance so she could "shop") but it was perhaps the first true boundary I established after MIL suggested she might accompany me to the sonography appointment.

I digress. Amen, Miss Manners! Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have felt for a very long time about these dreaded "parties."

I will now decline future invitations, guilt-free.

Wow your MIL truly sounds horrible for wanting to buy you baby gifts. What a horrible person!

Nothing prevented her from buying gender neutral items or waiting to buy until the baby is born. Or giving gift certificates. See how many options? Wanting to go to the sonography when the mother to be did not invite you there is indeed horrible and controlling.

Um. Demanding to go? Throwing a tantrum when the parents say no? Sure, that's bad. Simple "wanting to go" is not horrible.