Miss Manners on gender reveal parties

[Anonymous]

In the Washington Post today -

Dear Miss Manners: I am pregnant and would like to throw a gender-reveal party. (It’s a party for the identification of the sex of the baby.) I worry that this party might be construed as a rude attempt for gifts.

I don’t want any gifts, and this isn’t a baby shower, nor am I expecting one. I just want to share the joy with family and friends and provide food and games. But would the whole idea still be considered tacky?

Yes. Miss Manners believes that your intentions are good and that you simply want to share joyous news. So she hates to be a wet blanket (in a gender-neutral color, of course), but feels compelled to tell you something that will save you time and friendships in the future as a mother.

Not everyone is as excited as you are about every detail of your child’s life. It’s best to know this now, before you start going on Facebook announcing baby’s first spit-up, or throwing parties for when he or she sleeps through the night.

The particular new ritual you mention — and there really isn’t a correct term for this made-up event — is farcical. Cakes are cut to reveal pink or blue insides, bets are taken and teams are formed. (One acquaintance of Miss Manners attended such an event and said that the mother-to-be was so distraught when she didn’t get the gender she wanted that she started blaming the guests for jinxing it.) It is no wonder that guests assume a gift is required as the price of admission to these absurd theatrics.

The fact is that you will actually get more profound and prolonged joy if you reveal (or “identify’’) the gender one by one to individuals who you think might genuinely be excited by the news. Gathering around at a party waiting to hear and celebrate the announcement of one of only two possible choices is not a party-worthy event — and it is not dignified. There will be plenty of parties in your future filled with games and silly cakes. Save the fun for then.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-revealing-babys-gender-is-not-a-party-worthy-event/2017/02/06/cb9bb828-df90-11e6-918c-99ede3c8cafa_story.html

[Anonymous]

Truth.

[Anonymous]

SO true.

[Anonymous]

Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Ahh, Miss Manners. She never disappoints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

The only time I have heard of a tasteful gender reveal was my friend who cut a cake at Thanksgiving. Both sides of family were already there for the holiday meal, and cake was just part of the dessert spread. That said, this is a pretty low-key couple. I can see others using the same platform to make it way more attention/gift-grabbing.

I love Miss Manners!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

Really? Why does One needs to host a dinner, or rather any event, in order to share their happiness, especially about something as non important as the sex of their baby. Yes, it's wonderful they're having a baby at all, but it's either going to be a boy or a girl. Does that really merit its own announcement with colored cake and dinner party?

[Anonymous]

I'm super excited to hear the sex of new nieces and nephews. Couldn't really give a crap about anyone else's future kid. An announcement at a family get together is plenty, no need to throw a separate party.

[Anonymous]

Preach Miss Manners!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

I say this kindly.... nobody cares about it. Everyone is *happy* but I really don't think anyone cares about a child's gender except for the parents.

[Anonymous]

People needs their photo ops.

[Anonymous]

It isn't the announcement that's so garish. I mean, posting on Facebook and saying, "Hey everyone, I just found out we're having a boy! So excited" is fine...

It's the drama that makes it farcical. Like you're starring in your own reality show. No one gives a shit.

[Anonymous]

Way to go, Miss Manners. Farcical is right.

[Anonymous]

I really hate knowing the gender ahead of time. My friends post their gender and the name at the same time and it's sort of anticlimatic. Obviously not everyone feels that way though.

I truly wish there was a party you could have, like a shower, but without gifts.

[Anonymous]

I've yet to go to a gender party where the parents don't already know the gender. Lame! I want to see the parents reactions when they find out for the first time!