Miss Manners on gender reveal parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bummer for those who only want to share their happiness. Maybe an informal dinner where you just choose to announce. And yes I know that is not the point of this thread.

Feel free to share your happiness with family and friends. But don't through a party/event where they have to come out and spend their time just for such an occasion. That reeks of conceit that you consider the gender of your child to be of such note that everyone needs to spend an evening or an afternoon coming out to attend such an non-event. There will and are notable milestones for your child that will require people's attendance. When they are important, people make the commitment to attend those events. But manufacturing an excuse to take up people's time is really rude. Once you announce such an event, people feel obligated to attend.

So, if you want to share the happiness, find ways to share that don't require people to attend an event. Like the one PP suggested, a dinner party where people were already coming for some other purpose (in their case Thanksgiving), and adding a reveal cake as the dessert is fine. The best one I saw was some friends who had both of their parents over for dinner, an event scheduled as getting to know each other (the parents had only really met once before the wedding). They served a gender reveal cake for dessert and videotaped cutting the cake, then posted the reveal on FB. Perfect. Friends and other family could share the joy, could show their support with Likes/loves and didn't have to show up at a non-event.

[Anonymous]

Agree with MM.

I had a non-local friend who called me a lot during her second pregnancy to talk about it (while fully aware of my struggles with IF at the time). When I asked her about the 2nd baby's sex, she clammed up and said she's throwing a gender reveal party for her local family and friends and didn't want to spill the beans. Never mind that there was no way for me to spill it even if I had wanted to. The tacky had taken over her and I didn't even recognize my friend anymore.

[Anonymous]

I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

NP but I'm curious. What religion? I've never heard anyone say it was a religious thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

I think it is too. I wouldn't say that in real life though. I loved being surprised in the delivery room. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

Yes, I also found out in the delivery room three times. It was easy to answer strangers' inquiries honestly that I did not know the gender. And yet I would never tell friends, colleagues, etc. that I think it is tacky. But I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

NP but I'm curious. What religion? I've never heard anyone say it was a religious thing.

Jewish (modern Orthodox). We don't do pregnancy announcements, baby showers, gender reveals, or anything like that. Many people won't make a registry or buy baby stuff before the birth. It's not a hard-and-fast rule; more a custom based on the concept of ayin hara (evil eye). Sort of a "don't tempt fate" concept.

[Anonymous]

The only kids I care to find out and celebrate are my very best friends and sisters. I would totally be happy to attend a gender reveal event. Anyone else I'd rsvp no. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

Big difference between "don't know" and "won't share". One is fine since you really can't, and the other just makes you sound smug and self satisfied. People don't actually give a shit about your baby, they're just feigning interest anyway. Surely you know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why tacky?
"Do you know what you're having"
"Yes, a girl"
"Congratulations!"

Where's the tackiness?

Although I agree that gender reveal parties are horrible.

[Anonymous]

So true. Barf!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why is it tacky?

I'm from a community where most people don't reveal the gender beforehand (religious custom), so friends and family generally don't ask, but it's the #1 question I'm asked by coworkers, checkout clerks, strangers, etc. (I'm in my 3rd tri and obviously pregnant.) And then I get confused/offended reactions when I say we're not sharing the gender in advance.

Big difference between "don't know" and "won't share". One is fine since you really can't, and the other just makes you sound smug and self satisfied. People don't actually give a shit about your baby, they're just feigning interest anyway. Surely you know that?

Yikes, ok. Sorry I offended you by honestly answering a question? I would love it if total strangers didn't ask unsolicited questions about my pregnancy, but lots of people do and I try to always respond politely. Should I assume they don't actually give a shit and walk away without answering? Jeez.

[Anonymous]

The only gender reveal party I have been drawn to is a tongue-in-check request for one my friend made where the inside of her cake would be green and a lecture on the damage of gender norms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually go further than Miss Martin. To me it is tacky to reveal the gender before the birth.

Why tacky?
"Do you know what you're having"
"Yes, a girl"
"Congratulations!"

Where's the tackiness?

Although I agree that gender reveal parties are horrible.

I'm not PP and maybe wouldn't describe it is "tacky," but any sort of big announcement of a baby's sex does make me uncomfortable. We told people when they asked like you're describing, but we never made, like, a Facebook announcement of the sex or told anyone who didn't ask. It just doesn't seem like it should be as important as people sometimes treat it. And people attach so much weird stuff to the sex of a baby who hasn't even been born yet. Like, the only thing the ultrasound told me was that my daughter had female genitalia, not anything about her personality. And she could grow up to be a lesbian, or trans, or whatever. People start saying all that creepy stuff like calling baby girls heartbreakers or flirts or talking about how much trouble they'll be as teenagers or whatever and just ugh. I'm sure there are similar things people say about baby boys. It just seems like putting so much artificial social stuff on a kid who hasn't even been born yet.