I called my 19 year old son and he was clearly drunk... What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

Holy crap, you sound insane. I drink socially, as in 1-2 drinks, 1-2x per month. I have gone years at a time without drinking, when pregnant and nursing. I am a completely moderate drinker, if that. That's the point, which some of you are missing. MANY people drink in college and go on to become occasional social drinkers. It's normal social behavior that doesn't really mean a whole lot and is not predictive of any future issues for most people.

Also, I regularly get mistaken for my late 30s because I am and have always been a sunscreen fanatic. So "all my drinking" seems to have worked out for me.

[Anonymous]

If he is passing his classes and you know he isn't driving, let it go. It's college.

[Anonymous]

turn to alcohol

Op, you have got to lose the dramatic language. Ordinary college kids drink.
Forget this one call. Base any concerns on a pattern of repeated behavior - excessive behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a day ago I called my 19 year old son at college and he was clearly drunk. Slightly slurring speach, disjointed conversation, etc. it was clear he was trying to hide how drunk he was, but it was obvious.

He is currently in college around 3 hours away. I just want to know how you all would approach this. Obviously, he is under 21 and since me and DH don't drink (history of alcoholism in both our families), we hoped he wouldn't turn to alcohol. We cut the call short after realizing how drunk he was (politely) but don't know if we should bring it up or just let it go as part of life.

Bull. Colleges are on winter break. Why isn't he home with you? Oh, wait. I think I know

Mine went back yesterday, classes started today. I wouldn't be surprised if he had some drinks with his friends when he got back to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to let him know that you are aware he was drunk. If not, he might feel like he successfully hid that he was drunk.

Maybe he didn't care? I definitely drunk dialed my mom a few times. She laughed about it.

My life is fully together and I rarely drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

I'm 50. I look my age and I had a blast in college. Even if I could look 30 now by simply undoing all of those fun times I had in college I wouldn't do it. If that fun aged me - it was worth every damn wrinkle that I have.

The people I envy are the ones who had a blast in college and still look young for their age. Now those folks hit the jackpot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned if my son never got drunk at college.

This. Are you that clueless? He's a college student. He probably drinks 3-4 days a week. I did, and I turned into abnormal, non-alcoholic, successful citizen. You need to chill.

This also!!!! I spent a lot of time in college drunk, as did just about everyone I know. I'm now a successful adult who almost never abides. This is not cause for concern unless he's frequently drunk in the daytime.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

Holy crap, you sound insane. I drink socially, as in 1-2 drinks, 1-2x per month. I have gone years at a time without drinking, when pregnant and nursing. I am a completely moderate drinker, if that. That's the point, which some of you are missing. MANY people drink in college and go on to become occasional social drinkers. It's normal social behavior that doesn't really mean a whole lot and is not predictive of any future issues for most people.

Also, I regularly get mistaken for my late 30s because I am and have always been a sunscreen fanatic. So "all my drinking" seems to have worked out for me.

Well, you are an adult but, the jury is still out on the 19 year old. As I said, I do expect some drinking by most teens but, baring an occasional 'drunk' episode one should be concerned if op's son ( or anyone else) regularly gets drunk. It just isn't healthy for growing teens ( body or mind)

Say what you will but, I am not "insane" just because I have fun without drinking. To each their own. I didn't call you insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the "flippant" poster.

So what?

You and the pp saying they would worry if their kid never got drunk are not normal. Sorry! But, the science is in and teens' brains do not mature until age 25. They are doing serious damage to their brain, liver, etc. and you should care. Sure, once isn't going to make someone an alcoholic but, you build up your tolerance for it and then you need more and more to get drunk.

Because you answered the way you did than your opinion is really meaningless and the op should ignore.

Well, when you send young, healthy adults to a university they are going to do what young, healthy adults do. And sometimes they will go to parties to socialize and there will be alcohol there. Not cake and ice cream, but alcohol. These are not HS teenagers being monitored by Mom and Dad anymore.


Infantalizing a 20 year old is more harmful - in my opinion - than allowing that kid to spread his wings, have fun, learn about life a little bit. Making it illegal for a HS grad to have a freakin' beer is ridiculous. Insisting that a person isn't really a grown up until they are 25 is sad to me.

You need to go back to college so you can learn reading comprehension. No where did I say you should forbid a 19 or 20 from having a beer or two. No where. My concern is drinking until they are passed out drunk. That isn't good for anyone especially for people with families with history of alcohol abuse.

Yes, occasionally they will make a mistake and get drunk. Some will learn and realize they do not like waking up with a bad hangover and vomiting and others might continue to do so because they are allergic to it ( or have the alcoholic gene)

All I said was I would worry given my background of alcoholism ( like the op) and mental illness. More and more we are learning that people with mental illness begin to self medicate with alcohol and drugs. Not everyone of course but, if it was my kid I would start having more conversations.

This is a health issue, not a helicopter or "infantalizing" their brains are not fully formed until age 25. Look it up, It is real just like climate change.

The drinking age is 21. It is, in fact, illegal for a 20 year old college kid to go to a bar and buy a beer or two. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP, my kids are 27, 25, 24, 22, and 17. Four either in or through college. All four drank in college, some more than others. Even my straight A, National Merit Scholar, super-serious kid who graduated from college summa cum laude with a 4.0 occasionally drank in college. It's just part of the experience. They are on their own for the first time. The drinking age makes almost no difference at all in college. Alcohol is readily available everywhere.

My concerns would be - (1) Does he understand that he can never under any circumstances drive after drinking or ride with someone who has been drinking? (2) Does he understand the significance of a family history of alcohol abuse. We have alcoholism in our family as well. I started warning my kids about the importance of using caution with alcohol when they were teens. (3) Does he understand that he cannot afford to get caught drinking under age. He needs to be sure he is drinking in private homes or in places where law enforcement isn't looking at IDs. At my college, the cops looked the other way as long as the beverage was in a blue solo cup. (4) Is he maintaining good grades and getting to his classes?

Other than reminding him to be safe and responsible, you have to let it go. Most college kids drink. It's just part of the culture on nearly every campus. The kids who had really strict parents seem to go really crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

Holy crap, you sound insane. I drink socially, as in 1-2 drinks, 1-2x per month. I have gone years at a time without drinking, when pregnant and nursing. I am a completely moderate drinker, if that. That's the point, which some of you are missing. MANY people drink in college and go on to become occasional social drinkers. It's normal social behavior that doesn't really mean a whole lot and is not predictive of any future issues for most people.

Also, I regularly get mistaken for my late 30s because I am and have always been a sunscreen fanatic. So "all my drinking" seems to have worked out for me.

Well, you are an adult but, the jury is still out on the 19 year old. As I said, I do expect some drinking by most teens but, baring an occasional 'drunk' episode one should be concerned if op's son ( or anyone else) regularly gets drunk. It just isn't healthy for growing teens ( body or mind)

Say what you will but, I am not "insane" just because I have fun without drinking. To each their own. I didn't call you insane.

You rambled on about how I must look old and my internal organs must be rotting based on no actual information.

I don't know if you are insane, but I maintain you sound insane.

Again, college students can get drunk with some amount of regularity and they will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

I'm 50. I look my age and I had a blast in college. Even if I could look 30 now by simply undoing all of those fun times I had in college I wouldn't do it. If that fun aged me - it was worth every damn wrinkle that I have.

The people I envy are the ones who had a blast in college and still look young for their age. Now those folks hit the jackpot.

Or they are childfree.

[Anonymous]

I wish there were a way to flag certain posters so that in the future I could link them up with future posts from their children about their parents with boundary issues.

OP, pay attention to how your child is doing over time. Visit and meet his friends. Make sure your child knows you have his back in whatever troubling circumstance might come up. If you have a good relationship with your child and regular contact you will know if he is going off the rails. Don't avoid difficult conversations. Make sure he knows you are there for him no matter what and that will serve you well in the long run no matter what challenges your child faces and regardless of alcohol, he is likely to face some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

Holy crap, you sound insane. I drink socially, as in 1-2 drinks, 1-2x per month. I have gone years at a time without drinking, when pregnant and nursing. I am a completely moderate drinker, if that. That's the point, which some of you are missing. MANY people drink in college and go on to become occasional social drinkers. It's normal social behavior that doesn't really mean a whole lot and is not predictive of any future issues for most people.

Also, I regularly get mistaken for my late 30s because I am and have always been a sunscreen fanatic. So "all my drinking" seems to have worked out for me.

Well, you are an adult but, the jury is still out on the 19 year old. As I said, I do expect some drinking by most teens but, baring an occasional 'drunk' episode one should be concerned if op's son ( or anyone else) regularly gets drunk. It just isn't healthy for growing teens ( body or mind)

Say what you will but, I am not "insane" just because I have fun without drinking. To each their own. I didn't call you insane.

You rambled on about how I must look old and my internal organs must be rotting based on no actual information.

I don't know if you are insane, but I maintain you sound insane.

Again, college students can get drunk with some amount of regularity and they will be fine.

But, you don't know that in this case. ( and neither do I ) but I've never claimed that. Also, when I was saying you I meant not literally YOU but people who drink a lot. If you aren't that person than I am not talking to YOU. Got it? It is easy to throw around words like "insane" or whatever but, it is true if you get drunk several times a week and are heavy drinkers than you will look older. That is a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned if my son never got drunk at college.

This. Are you that clueless? He's a college student. He probably drinks 3-4 days a week. I did, and I turned into abnormal, non-alcoholic, successful citizen. You need to chill.

This also!!!! I spent a lot of time in college drunk, as did just about everyone I know. I'm now a successful adult who almost never abides. This is not cause for concern unless he's frequently drunk in the daytime.

Yep.

Was this a mistake or your subconscious talking? Did you notice you wrote " I am abnormal?" lol