I called my 19 year old son and he was clearly drunk... What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I would be more concerned if my son never got drunk at college.

[Anonymous]

Don't bring up this specific instance. But you need to talk to him about the history of alcoholism. Just because he drinks in college doesn't mean he will become an alcoholic. You need to make it a safe environment so that if he ever does feel like he has a problem, he can talk to you. How you handle this situation will largely affect how that goes.

[Anonymous]

I'd need to know the day and time of day. Before a family history of alcoholism I'd have let it go as normal college stuff. Knowing what I know now I'd be terrified honestly.

If it's a weekend night I'd mention it but not flip out. If it's a weekday or morning I'd drive over and check things out and review family history (hopefully not in front of room mates) with him to let him know why the concern. How are the grades?

[Anonymous]

No one can help you if you don't say what time of day it was

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he was drunk and not just awakened from a deep sleep nap?

OMG, this happened to me. I had been up for something like 48 hours straight studying, writing papers, taking tests. I finally went to sleep and my mom called. I groggily answered the phone and I was slurring my words, sounding completely out of it....

Luckily, I was able to call her back after I had woke up a bit.

If I had been drinking I would never have answered the phone, lol.

But I was legally able to drink at the time. That isn't the case anymore which I don't necessarily agree with. Kids need to understand that they can get kicked out of college for drinking - it might be normal for college kids to go out and party and drink and have fun. But if you are under 21 there can be severe consequences. The more you have to lose, the more severe the consequences.

[Anonymous]

I agree that time of day and context are critical. Did you call him on NYE.

Kids in college drink. Many kids binge drink and get very drunk. The vast majority of these kids go on to lead perfectly normal lives and don't become alcoholics. Some of the previous posters sound utterly clueless about what college life is like for many people.

If it was my kid, the next time I called I would have a light conversation about it and rest easy on the judgment and lectures or the kid will shut you out completely. Ask him what he'd been doing, did he have fun, etc. Just call it out and say you noticed he was drunk and go from there. No need to play cat and mouse.

I agree, if it was 11am on a Tuesday, you've got a bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the "flippant" poster.

So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the "flippant" poster.

So what?

You and the pp saying they would worry if their kid never got drunk are not normal. Sorry! But, the science is in and teens' brains do not mature until age 25. They are doing serious damage to their brain, liver, etc. and you should care. Sure, once isn't going to make someone an alcoholic but, you build up your tolerance for it and then you need more and more to get drunk.

Because you answered the way you did than your opinion is really meaningless and the op should ignore.

[Anonymous]

Unless you talked to him in the morning or in the middle of a school day when he should be going to class, I really think you're overreacting.

Next time you talk to him say something like well, you sounded a little hammered the other day. I hope you had fun and were being safe. You know dad and I worry about drinking because of our family history of alcoholism. That's your history too and you're going to have to be more careful than a lot of your peers to have a healthy relationship with alcohol.

Don't harp on it or drive out to his school and confront him (unless it's that morning or daytime drunk thing). If you do he's just going to think you're crazy and not answer the phone when you call him. You guys chose one path for dealing with a family history of addiction but it isn't the only one. He's got to figure out what works for him.

~ daughter of a recovering alcoholic married to a son of a recovering alcoholic with boat loads of alcoholic relatives on both sides. We both drink socially.

[Anonymous]

College is for experimenting and learning your way through life. If you are concerned, the next time you see him I think you could bring it up but I wouldn't go out of my way to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a day ago I called my 19 year old son at college and he was clearly drunk. Slightly slurring speach, disjointed conversation, etc. it was clear he was trying to hide how drunk he was, but it was obvious.

He is currently in college around 3 hours away. I just want to know how you all would approach this. Obviously, he is under 21 and since me and DH don't drink (history of alcoholism in both our families), we hoped he wouldn't turn to alcohol. We cut the call short after realizing how drunk he was (politely) but don't know if we should bring it up or just let it go as part of life.

Bull. Colleges are on winter break. Why isn't he home with you? Oh, wait. I think I know

[Anonymous]

Drunk before noon? Problem. Drunk on Friday night? Normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the "flippant" poster.

So what?

You and the pp saying they would worry if their kid never got drunk are not normal. Sorry! But, the science is in and teens' brains do not mature until age 25. They are doing serious damage to their brain, liver, etc. and you should care. Sure, once isn't going to make someone an alcoholic but, you build up your tolerance for it and then you need more and more to get drunk.

Because you answered the way you did than your opinion is really meaningless and the op should ignore.

Well, when you send young, healthy adults to a university they are going to do what young, healthy adults do. And sometimes they will go to parties to socialize and there will be alcohol there. Not cake and ice cream, but alcohol. These are not HS teenagers being monitored by Mom and Dad anymore.

Infantalizing a 20 year old is more harmful - in my opinion - than allowing that kid to spread his wings, have fun, learn about life a little bit. Making it illegal for a HS grad to have a freakin' beer is ridiculous. Insisting that a person isn't really a grown up until they are 25 is sad to me.

[Anonymous]

As another poster said, I wouldn't bring up this particular incident, however I would talk to my son in general about drinking, managing limits with alcohol, making good choices. Then I'd let it go and only bring it up again if you notice a pattern of problems. Learning to drink responsibly is part of college for most kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned if my son never got drunk at college.

This. Are you that clueless? He's a college student. He probably drinks 3-4 days a week. I did, and I turned into abnormal, non-alcoholic, successful citizen. You need to chill.