I called my 19 year old son and he was clearly drunk... What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to let him know that you are aware he was drunk. If not, he might feel like he successfully hid that he was drunk.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened recently when I called my 70 year old mom.

Both my mom and your son need to learn not to answer the phone at such times. Let the call go to voicemail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same thing happened recently when I called my 70 year old mom.

Both my mom and your son need to learn not to answer the phone at such times. Let the call go to voicemail.

Difference is your 70 year old mom is legally able to drink alcohol. Your 19 year old son drinking alcohol is illegal.

If your mom gets "caught" with a beer in her hand, so what? If your 19 year old son gets caught with a beer in his dorm room....that could be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

[Anonymous]

Have a simple talk with him.

Now that you're in college we want to talk to you about alcohol again. We know drinking will go on there. We know you will likely drink underage even though that could land you in serious trouble etc etc. But what we really want to talk to you about is alcoholism. Both your dad and I come from families with a lot of alcoholics and that addiction trait is often passed down. It's why your dad and I don't drink. We've seen the awful effects of what happens when someone gets lost in booze and we stay away. While we would really prefer if you didn't drink, especially underage, we know college lends itself to a lot of temptation. But please, come to one of us if you're ever in trouble or feel like it's getting out of hand. We won't judge, we just want you to be safe and healthy.

That's pretty much what my parents told me. And it stuck with me when even when I was 23 and worried I was starting to have a problem.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between partying your way through college and going out on a Friday night.

I personally think that going out and having some beers on a Friday night while socializing with other college students is fine. I knew lots of people who did that, made friends, some met their future spouses, managed to graduate and became productive citizens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned if my son never got drunk at college.

This. Are you that clueless? He's a college student. He probably drinks 3-4 days a week. I did, and I turned into abnormal, non-alcoholic, successful citizen. You need to chill.

This also!!!! I spent a lot of time in college drunk, as did just about everyone I know. I'm now a successful adult who almost never abides. This is not cause for concern unless he's frequently drunk in the daytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to him about the history of alcoholism in your family and about how addiction can be hereditary?

If no, it's way past time to have that conversation, although without specifically referencing his drunkenness.

If yes, you might still want to open up a conversation with him about alcohol use when you next see him in person, but again, without specifically referencing this one instance.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

just wait till he comes home for the summer and you find him drunk in the house, or as in our case the younger sibling finds him passed out at the bottom of the staircase. These fricken kids - drive me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the "flippant" poster.

So what?

You and the pp saying they would worry if their kid never got drunk are not normal. Sorry! But, the science is in and teens' brains do not mature until age 25. They are doing serious damage to their brain, liver, etc. and you should care. Sure, once isn't going to make someone an alcoholic but, you build up your tolerance for it and then you need more and more to get drunk.

Because you answered the way you did than your opinion is really meaningless and the op should ignore.

Well, when you send young, healthy adults to a university they are going to do what young, healthy adults do. And sometimes they will go to parties to socialize and there will be alcohol there. Not cake and ice cream, but alcohol. These are not HS teenagers being monitored by Mom and Dad anymore.


Infantalizing a 20 year old is more harmful - in my opinion - than allowing that kid to spread his wings, have fun, learn about life a little bit. Making it illegal for a HS grad to have a freakin' beer is ridiculous. Insisting that a person isn't really a grown up until they are 25 is sad to me.

You need to go back to college so you can learn reading comprehension. No where did I say you should forbid a 19 or 20 from having a beer or two. No where. My concern is drinking until they are passed out drunk. That isn't good for anyone especially for people with families with history of alcohol abuse.

Yes, occasionally they will make a mistake and get drunk. Some will learn and realize they do not like waking up with a bad hangover and vomiting and others might continue to do so because they are allergic to it ( or have the alcoholic gene)

All I said was I would worry given my background of alcoholism ( like the op) and mental illness. More and more we are learning that people with mental illness begin to self medicate with alcohol and drugs. Not everyone of course but, if it was my kid I would start having more conversations.

This is a health issue, not a helicopter or "infantalizing" their brains are not fully formed until age 25. Look it up, It is real just like climate change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a simple talk with him.

Now that you're in college we want to talk to you about alcohol again. We know drinking will go on there. We know you will likely drink underage even though that could land you in serious trouble etc etc. But what we really want to talk to you about is alcoholism. Both your dad and I come from families with a lot of alcoholics and that addiction trait is often passed down. It's why your dad and I don't drink. We've seen the awful effects of what happens when someone gets lost in booze and we stay away. While we would really prefer if you didn't drink, especially underage, we know college lends itself to a lot of temptation. But please, come to one of us if you're ever in trouble or feel like it's getting out of hand. We won't judge, we just want you to be safe and healthy.

That's pretty much what my parents told me. And it stuck with me when even when I was 23 and worried I was starting to have a problem.

+1 this, this is a great suggestion OP. Best in the thread IMO. Supportive, non judgemental.

My mom was kind of a nutso disciplinarian but she also had a very firm position that if any of us were ever in trouble or in over our heads we could call and she'd come and get us and ask no questions and just help. This type of stance sticks with kids. IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

This type of rhetoric will have zero effect on a college kid. If you want to tell your kids you forbid it, have at it. Don't be surprised that they lie and hide it from you. It's far healthier to be realistic to the situation and while voicing your disproval, don't cause your kids to roll their eyes at you and not take you seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

+1

I didn't party my way through college, and it is my expectation that my kids won't, either.

Some of you people just sound like such puritans.

It's possible to go to class, study, get good grades, AND go out and have a few drinks 2-4x per week during college. I, and all my friends, are living proof of this. And yes, sometimes we all got pretty drunk. Not 4x per week, but it happened.

It's part of the normal social scene for many, many people in college. I am now in my 40s and still drink socially and also still have many of the wonderful friends I met in college. All have gone on to become productive, normal, non-drunk citizens.

GET A GRIP.

Well, I bet that you look a lot older than your 40's because of all your drinking. I am 50 and people mistake me for 30. I do have good genes but, alcohol dries out your skin and ages you very fast. So, imagine how your internal organs look if you have all those wrinkles on your face?

Guess who is going to have the last laugh....lol you can look at all the actors who drank too much and did drugs. Look at Dennis Wilson. He died very young but, if you look at the picture before he died and he looks ancient. I suppose I am too vain to want to look like an old woman before my time.

But, all you drinkers carry on! Enjoy!!

This type of rhetoric will have zero effect on a college kid. If you want to tell your kids you forbid it, have at it. Don't be surprised that they lie and hide it from you. It's far healthier to be realistic to the situation and while voicing your disproval, don't cause your kids to roll their eyes at you and not take you seriously.

Again, I am not forbidding anything. Maybe you all had too much to drink before reading what I said? I said I would be worried if they got drunk, not worried if they had a beer or two. Don't you know the difference?