I called my 19 year old son and he was clearly drunk... What do I do?

[Anonymous]

So a day ago I called my 19 year old son at college and he was clearly drunk. Slightly slurring speach, disjointed conversation, etc. it was clear he was trying to hide how drunk he was, but it was obvious.

He is currently in college around 3 hours away. I just want to know how you all would approach this. Obviously, he is under 21 and since me and DH don't drink (history of alcoholism in both our families), we hoped he wouldn't turn to alcohol. We cut the call short after realizing how drunk he was (politely) but don't know if we should bring it up or just let it go as part of life.

[Anonymous]

Let it go....

[Anonymous]

Confront it and discuss calmly. Too flipped it is no good. But so is bury your head denial. Use your words. This is outside of your expectations on a school night no less.

[Anonymous]

What time of day was it? If you called him at night on his first day back at college after break, I wouldn't be too alarmed. Lots of kids will have been at a party in this scenario. I would still mention something like this to him: "I could tell you'd been drinking the other day and I get that I called during a usual party time at college but I get nervous about alcohol because of our family history of alcoholism. Please let me know if you need help or you are drinking more than you think is healthy." If you called at noon on a regular Tuesday and he was drinking alone, I'd probably go down to school this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Let it go unless you want him to hide his drinking from you. He's 19 and in college. This is hardly abnormal or worrisome behavior.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was high

[Anonymous]

He's in college. Drinking is totally normal and par for the course.

I have a family history of alcoholism on both sides and I am not an alcoholic (but I drank heavily in college) and neither are any of my siblings.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should freak out about it but definitely calmly bring it up. Drinking in college is very normal, but you are his parent and need to address it.

FWIW, I have sisters and a brother. We all drank in college but my sisters and I always took pains to hide it from my parents- so we didn't drink when home on breaks, etc. My brother never hid it from my parents and often would call them when he was drunk or would come home drunk when he was on break. My parents never seriously addressed it, and would always say, oh, that's totally normal behavior, everyone drinks in college. I think this tacit acceptance of his drinking is part of what led to his drinking problem, and it's still not going away (he's almost 30).

I am not saying that your son will develop a drinking problem, of course, but I am saying, regardless of what's normal, I think as a parent you should address it with him calmly. Also, does he know about your family's history of alcoholism? I think it's important that he does know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go unless you want him to hide his drinking from you. He's 19 and in college. This is hardly abnormal or worrisome behavior.

+1

[Anonymous]

First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he was drunk and not just awakened from a deep sleep nap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a day ago I called my 19 year old son at college and he was clearly drunk. Slightly slurring speach, disjointed conversation, etc. it was clear he was trying to hide how drunk he was, but it was obvious.

He is currently in college around 3 hours away. I just want to know how you all would approach this. Obviously, he is under 21 and since me and DH don't drink (history of alcoholism in both our families), we hoped he wouldn't turn to alcohol. We cut the call short after realizing how drunk he was (politely) but don't know if we should bring it up or just let it go as part of life.

What college started up so early?

[Anonymous]

What time was it, OP, when you called? And yes, it is a problem to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First get a grip on yourself.

Then . . .

Laugh. Ask how bad the hangover was. Give him your best "home remedy" for hangovers.

FFS

Wow, ( not op) are you always so flippant?. You don't care because he isn't your son. The dangers of alcohol are serious and while I would expect college students to experiment, I would hope they would not get blind drunk.

I wouldn't freak out but, I would be very concerned. If he is three hours away perhaps you can visit him and talk ( again) about the dangers of alcohol ( not only to himself..killing brain cells, damaging liver) but he could get into serious situations...tell him you don't expect him to abstain but you will expect him to not get drunk. Sure, he might hide the drinking but, then I wouldn't be giving him any extra money. If he wants beer money (for beer or pot) he will have to work to buy it himself.

Remind him you expect good grades and if they slip than you will do X ( that's up to you to decide what punishment will fit)

Good luck! We have alcoholism and mental health issues in both sides of our family and I would worry if he was trying to self medicate. (ADHD, bi-polar etc) if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to him about the history of alcoholism in your family and about how addiction can be hereditary?

If no, it's way past time to have that conversation, although without specifically referencing his drunkenness.

If yes, you might still want to open up a conversation with him about alcohol use when you next see him in person, but again, without specifically referencing this one instance.