Let's admit our own 'bad DIL' moments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest thing: After a few subtle warnings, I screamed at MIL to STFU at Christmas dinner. She was being her typical asshole self and I couldn't take it anymore. I don't regret it at all, but I bet if she were on DCUMIL she'd be bitching about how rude I was.

Wow! The f bomb at Christmas dinner? For shame.

Context/full story, or we cannot be on your side, and we will say you were in the wrong. (Not that anything can justify this, really. Get up from the table and leave, if it is that bad, even if it is your home.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest thing: After a few subtle warnings, I screamed at MIL to STFU at Christmas dinner. She was being her typical asshole self and I couldn't take it anymore. I don't regret it at all, but I bet if she were on DCUMIL she'd be bitching about how rude I was.

Wow! The f bomb at Christmas dinner? For shame.

Context/full story, or we cannot be on your side, and we will say you were in the wrong. (Not that anything can justify this, really. Get up from the table and leave, if it is that bad, even if it is your home.)

It's a long story and I'm not really looking for anyone to be on my side. I wasn't the only one pissed at her but I was the only one who yelled at her. Zero regrets.

Anyway, she's no longer invited to our home so it's not an issue anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are great. You're giving as good as you get, instead of being a passive coward like most of the bitches in this thread.

If you spend enough time in the family relationships forum, you will learn that there are two types who dominate here: (1) weak-willed wifes and DILs who get shit on in real life and then lash out with displaced anger online; (2) borderline MILs. Those two form the demographic that is hysterically attacking you. I mean one called you a "skank." If that's not unhinged, I don't know what is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest thing: After a few subtle warnings, I screamed at MIL to STFU at Christmas dinner. She was being her typical asshole self and I couldn't take it anymore. I don't regret it at all, but I bet if she were on DCUMIL she'd be bitching about how rude I was.

Wow! The f bomb at Christmas dinner? For shame.

Context/full story, or we cannot be on your side, and we will say you were in the wrong. (Not that anything can justify this, really. Get up from the table and leave, if it is that bad, even if it is your home.)

Lol are you really this stupid? Why would PP care about you, a faceless stranger, being on her side online?

[Anonymous]

Hormel chili and saltines

[Anonymous]

LaChoy and Minute Rice

[Anonymous]

So-- I've never intentionally done what OP has (first because I'm not nearly that good a cook, second because I don't enjoy cooking so it would annoy me more than my MIL), however, I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks that's what I'm doing when I cook when they visit. When DC was born she came to "help", but told DH the only thing she could do is hold the baby, "because DIL is such a good cook". I almost wish I had the skill and joy of OP -- that way I would at least get personal satisfaction for making something amazing instead of just having a MIL who assumes I'm trying to show her up.
I also sometimes wish I could sign only my name to cards, so that she would realize that without me, her DS would not be sending her Mother's Day flowers, thoughtful birthday gifts, etc.

[Anonymous]

Patio Burritos and canned refried beans heated in the microwave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So-- I've never intentionally done what OP has (first because I'm not nearly that good a cook, second because I don't enjoy cooking so it would annoy me more than my MIL), however, I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks that's what I'm doing when I cook when they visit. When DC was born she came to "help", but told DH the only thing she could do is hold the baby, "because DIL is such a good cook". I almost wish I had the skill and joy of OP -- that way I would at least get personal satisfaction for making something amazing instead of just having a MIL who assumes I'm trying to show her up.
I also sometimes wish I could sign only my name to cards, so that she would realize that without me, her DS would not be sending her Mother's Day flowers, thoughtful birthday gifts, etc.

Why on earth do you do that? Is your DH disabled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

Ok, to name a few things.. We had wedding gifts shipped to her house (my husband's childhood home) when we were engaged and several things went missing. Turns out she took and open and used those things as her own without telling us. She took lingerie from my drawers, and it turned up at her house (and smelled like her, so I suspect she wore it). She tried to convince me that I didn't need to visit my disabled mom in another state too often since I have a family in DC now. She's just an oddball. She has issues. She is the biggest issue in our marriage. Several years ago, I'd cry a lot and my husband and I would fight a lot more. Now, I've learned to play the chess game.

No one has responded to this post about the things she has done because these are pretty lame examples. So to you the horrible crime she committed was using your stuff and wearing your stuff without asking? Sure that's rude and boundaryless, but it wouldn't make me angry, it would make me feel sad for her. But it's hardly her trying to take you down. She stated her crappy opinion on not visiting your disabled mother. You knew better than to listen. No harm no foul. She sounds like a jerk, but you have very deep rooted anger about this. I honestly don't think your mother-in-law's thinking about you as much as you are thinking about her. I can't imagine how miserable the two of you have made your husband.

PS: the meal you made? Doesn't sound all that shit hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So-- I've never intentionally done what OP has (first because I'm not nearly that good a cook, second because I don't enjoy cooking so it would annoy me more than my MIL), however, I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks that's what I'm doing when I cook when they visit. When DC was born she came to "help", but told DH the only thing she could do is hold the baby, "because DIL is such a good cook". I almost wish I had the skill and joy of OP -- that way I would at least get personal satisfaction for making something amazing instead of just having a MIL who assumes I'm trying to show her up.
I also sometimes wish I could sign only my name to cards, so that she would realize that without me, her DS would not be sending her Mother's Day flowers, thoughtful birthday gifts, etc.

Why on earth do you do that? Is your DH disabled?

So she can be a martyr. And by the way every mil knows that when her DIL signs the cards in her writing, everything is coming from the DIL not the son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Weird responses you've received here. I don't see anything wrong with what your daughter said. They made calm statements stating their beliefs. Is this a cultural thing that in some families this is wrong? In some families are you not allowed to question peoples beliefs? Is this something to do with people's age? Are you not supposed to question your elders? I think what your daughters said is appropriate. People who dish it out need to be able to take it. That includes grandparents.

[Anonymous]

My worst moment that I still regret and am torn between rehashing it to apologize or making up for it in other ways.

Long story short when we visit our home state we always stay with friends and never and I mean NEVER stay with my inlaws (they smoke and keep their house a balmy 75-80 degrees year round). During one visit to our home they were badgering me (not their son) about how we never stay with them. My MIL says you have never stayed with us and I insisted that we had years ago (which is true). I try to stop the conversation by promising to stay with them during a future visit. She wouldn't let it go that we had never stayed with them so I got frustrated and immaturely said, "yes, we did because I remember you had the flattest pillows ever!"

This it totally not me, I am never cruel and that was cruel. I think about it regularly and want to apologize but bringing it back up may be worse.

[Anonymous]

I thought these would make me laugh. Instead, most are really, really sad. I'm not a perfect MIL or DIL. But seriously....y'all are some dysfunctional people in some messed up families.

My MIL makes me crazy sometimes. I tried to think of something I've done in retaliation and couldn't come up with a single thing. I'm sure I've done things that annoy her. But we love each other. I would never be intentionally hurtful. That doesn't make me a martyr DIL. Just a sane one in a healthy family. In 30 years of marriage, I have never had cross words with my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So-- I've never intentionally done what OP has (first because I'm not nearly that good a cook, second because I don't enjoy cooking so it would annoy me more than my MIL), however, I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks that's what I'm doing when I cook when they visit. When DC was born she came to "help", but told DH the only thing she could do is hold the baby, "because DIL is such a good cook". I almost wish I had the skill and joy of OP -- that way I would at least get personal satisfaction for making something amazing instead of just having a MIL who assumes I'm trying to show her up.
I also sometimes wish I could sign only my name to cards, so that she would realize that without me, her DS would not be sending her Mother's Day flowers, thoughtful birthday gifts, etc.

Why on earth do you do that? Is your DH disabled?

So she can be a martyr. And by the way every mil knows that when her DIL signs the cards in her writing, everything is coming from the DIL not the son.

I know in DCUM-land, any DIL who does things for her ILs is a doormat, but in reality, DH and I have a great partnership, and separates tasks by skillset, not "assigning" based on recipient. I'm better at remembering things (like that MIL is having minor surgery) and better at thinking of gifts (like that MIL would enjoy adult coloring books); DH is better at a million other things, keeping our household organized and running efficiently. I'm not a martyr-- it takes me 5 min to send flowers online, vs the like 30 min it would take DH to pick something out. We maximize go combined efficiency. It's only when MIL says certain things that I wish she knew how much I do-- but realistically, I do it for DH, not her.