Let's admit our own 'bad DIL' moments

[Anonymous]

One of the "bad" things I do is, if I feel like she's giving us too many baby or kid clothes, and it's just way too many, I will keep some of the excess at daycare as backups, and not let them get into the actual wearing rotation.

I do keep most of it in the rotation, though, and send pics/make sure the kids wear it in front of her, it's just excessive overbuying, and sometimes I can't deal with the volume or the "cute sayings."

Not very mature of me, I realize.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Your daughters are rude as hell. My kids would never speak to their grandparents like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Your daughters sound like strong, independent women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend so much time bashing our MILs. I thought it might be fun to admit our own 'bad DIL' moments. My MIL is a piece of work and I really do like to play the emotional chess game with her. She is a mediocre cook at best (making homemade meatballs or meatloaf is about as fancy as she gets) and I am a pretty great cook, really enjoy being in the kitchen, and really enjoy trying various tecniques and cuisines. When she comes over, while I don't *want* to invest the energy preparing anything for her, I put together the most incredible meals because I've realized how inferior it makes her feel. It was especially gratifying last time she was here, and I prepared beef tenderloin, sous vide asparagus, and potato pave (look it up - it's a beautiful dish). She was clearly feeling inferior and said to her sons, "do you remember when I used to make you gratin potatoes?" And one of them replied, "Yeah, out of a box." I was so pleased with myself.

You would think it would make her happy that her son's wife is madly in love with her son, has a successful career, loves to cook, and loves to host fancy dinners. But no - it makes her feel inferior. And I totally relish in it.

What a bitch you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So act like an adult. Your example only shows you to be a smug, vindictive skank

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

Ok, to name a few things.. We had wedding gifts shipped to her house (my husband's childhood home) when we were engaged and several things went missing. Turns out she took and open and used those things as her own without telling us. She took lingerie from my drawers, and it turned up at her house (and smelled like her, so I suspect she wore it). She tried to convince me that I didn't need to visit my disabled mom in another state too often since I have a family in DC now. She's just an oddball. She has issues. She is the biggest issue in our marriage. Several years ago, I'd cry a lot and my husband and I would fight a lot more. Now, I've learned to play the chess game.

Play the chess game? Seriously op, look into pharmaceutical help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

Kudos to your daughters for speaking their own mind. They sound like awesome women. Complete 180 from the op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

What your in-laws are teaching is not Catholicism, BTW. Make sure your kids know that so they won't grow up to be anti-Catholic based on misunderstandings the way some people are anti-Islam.

[Anonymous]

You guys are jerks. The OP knows she was in the wrong, hence the title of the thread. If you don't want to add to the post, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are jerks. The OP knows she was in the wrong, hence the title of the thread. If you don't want to add to the post, move on.

No, she takes delight in smacking down her mil. Go read it again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the backlash, OP. My MIL and I have a very hard relationship due to her not understanding boundaries. Two big example of this are religion and family values. My Inlaws believe that my children must be taught to be catholic and attempt to teach this to my children through the threat of "if you do not believe, you will go to hell." As far as the family values, my MIL is stuck in a generation long ago and when my daughters talk about a career they would enjoy, my MIL will tell them something to the effect of "Well, yes, that will be fun until you meet your prince charming and settle down to raise your children." My DH and I do not agree with either view but no amount of talking with them over the years gets it to stop. So, I will admit that I did find it very amusing (and I truly enjoyed the moment) when my 17 year old daughter looked my MIL in the eye and told her "If your God would send me to hell even though I try very hard to do the right thing even when it's hard for simply questioning that what you believe, then I do not want to honor your God anyway." I also found it awesome and too funny when my 14 year old asked her if she would come to her wedding if she decided to marry a women instead of a man. I found the look on my MIL's face hysterical and had to leave the room for a minute.

Don't get me wrong, I talked to the girls and told them that although I shared their beliefs and agreed with the overall message they were sending her that they would never change her mind and sometimes we just need to ignore ignorant comments from others but secretly, I was very proud of my girls and enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but I am okay with that!

You daughters are disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Your

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend so much time bashing our MILs. I thought it might be fun to admit our own 'bad DIL' moments. My MIL is a piece of work and I really do like to play the emotional chess game with her. She is a mediocre cook at best (making homemade meatballs or meatloaf is about as fancy as she gets) and I am a pretty great cook, really enjoy being in the kitchen, and really enjoy trying various tecniques and cuisines. When she comes over, while I don't *want* to invest the energy preparing anything for her, I put together the most incredible meals because I've realized how inferior it makes her feel. It was especially gratifying last time she was here, and I prepared beef tenderloin, sous vide asparagus, and potato pave (look it up - it's a beautiful dish). She was clearly feeling inferior and said to her sons, "do you remember when I used to make you gratin potatoes?" And one of them replied, "Yeah, out of a box." I was so pleased with myself.

You would think it would make her happy that her son's wife is madly in love with her son, has a successful career, loves to cook, and loves to host fancy dinners. But no - it makes her feel inferior. And I totally relish in it.

wow. I was prepared to read some stuff on here about how in hindsight we (DILs) could have done or handled some things better since we are now older/more mature. But this, I don't know. My MIL is a mediocre at best cook with very middle-of-the-road taste in food. I used to cook thing like what you describe, and while my DH loves it, my in-laws clearly didn't. Last time they came over, we grilled burgers and hotdogs, and I bought pre-spiced chicken wings from Safeway, which they loved. Not my style of cooking or eating, but they are guests, and my DH's parents.

I agree with PPs, I think you kind of suck, and I was all prepared to be on your side as I don't care for my MIL either.

[Anonymous]

OP I thought your post was crazy and not healthy.

That said an incident came to mind that no one in my family will let me forget. It was when I had literally a 3 week old after a c section and a very energetic and early rising 2 year old and was by myself - my husband was traveling for work. My MIL said she would come over at 8am to watch the 2 year old so I could hopefully sleep. I was so exhausted and hormonal and I was literally checking the clock every 5 minutes waiting for her to get there and take my 2 year old out.

She was late, really late. I was tearful and exhausted, I wondered if she was even coming at all. I called her up and when she answered I said, "you said you would be here at 8 but you're not! where are you? You're late!" sob sob.

No one has ever forgotten it, I will never be forgiven.